“We were talking, Kathleen,” Bradly grumbles angrily.
“And you’re done now, Bradly,” she sasses.
I glance over my shoulder and see him stewing, crushing his solo cup in his hand.
“He'll get over it.” Kathleen laughs.
We push our way through the sea of drunks and past a couple making out on our way to the screen door that leads outside to a large deck. There’s no one out here, and we settle into the deckchairs. Kristen Carter’s “Karma” is drifting through the night air, and I’m humming the lyrics mindlessly to myself as I stare up in the starry night. I’d much rather be relaxing or cuddling with someone right now looking up into the sky than be here. I didn’t even really want to come to this party tonight. It’s not my thing anymore, but this was the last hurrah for Kathleen before she leaves, and she convinced me to go as a way to stop hiding. To not let him ruin everything I once loved to do before him.
“I can’t believe he called you Ju-Ju,” Kathleen grumbles, rolling her eyes. “Alex would have had a bitch fit if he heard that.”
“Yeah, he would.” I grin and twist my fingers in my dress. Alex is Kathleen’s overprotective big brother and used to watch his little sister like a hawk. Their parents died when she was four, and she was left to be raised by Liz and Alex. Kathleen finally got a reprieve from his watchful, hovering eye when he moved to the city two years ago for a job, but he’s always at the farmhouse hanging around to help out and spends the night most weekends. I used to think of Alex as a big brother too, but that image changed the night of my senior prom.
“There’s that smile I’ve been meaning to ask you about. You’ve had it for a couple of days, and I know it has something to do with my brother.”
“It’s nothing.” I glance away, trying to hide my reddening cheeks.
“Don’t lie to me. Since he came home the other day, you two have been acting strange, but you’ve been happy. I thought maybe it was because you know who wasn’t around…” Her eyes twinkle knowingly. “And he was also acting stupid around you when we left tonight. Trying to hold your hand and shit.”
I bite my lip and feel my cheeks flush hotter as I remember two nights ago when I walked in on Alex masturbating. I went to his room to bug him like I normally do—instead, I was caught standing in his doorway watching him as his hand worked up and down his dick and listening to his moans. I made a noise, hell I might have panted, but I caught his attention and he turned to me and grinned. His green eyes had hazed over lustfully and he asked, “Are you just going to stand there with your tongue hanging out or you going to join me?” My feet started moving before I could even comprehend what I was doing. As I look back, I think maybe I was in shock, or maybe it was the way Alex was staring at me with a longing that made me go to him. Because after years of torment at the hands of my blond monster, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to give myself to someone freely without going into a panic. The second he took my hand and pulled me down to the bed to kiss me, any nerves I had washed away. This was my Alex, and I knew he could never hurt me.
He made me feel cherished and cared for by taking his time with me. It felt like hours of him kissing, licking, touching, and telling me sweet words I had no idea I needed to hear. I came so hard I passed out, and for the first time in a long time, I felt safe.
“It just…kinda happened.”
“Oh my god. I knew it, but eew.” Her face squishes up. “He’s so old.
“He is not old. We’re only four years apart. He’s not a grandpa.”
“Still old.”
I laugh. She’s ridiculous. “He’s only old to you because he’s your brother and acts like a grumpy overprotective dad to you most days.”
"Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but he's such a hot headed asshole most days, and you’re so sweet. And again, eew."
I laugh. Alex can be an asshole, but he has a good side. A side I think is only reserved for us. He was the guy that would braid my hair when I was feeling down and bandage all my cuts after I fell.
"He's not that bad all things considered. We…”
She holds up her hand, halting the rest of the words. "Oh god, spare me. But this is so awesome. Maybe you'll be the one to tame the beast in my brother."
"I don't know about all that. It was just one time and we haven't talked about it since." We didn’t get the chance. He held me all night afterward, but he had to leave for work the next morning. He promised we would talk later, but it’s been quiet on his end, and I have no idea how to bring it up.
“Did he treat you right?” she asks as she takes my hand. The concern dancing in her eyes sets me back. This is her brother we are talking about and she’s worried about me.
Kathleen knows everything that has been
