Her body was betraying her mind. She wanted to scold herself for acting like a hormone-crazed teenager. Wasshe such a carnal animal that she couldn’t go a month without wanting to fuckeveryone who got close enough to her? It didn’t make sense. She refusedfor it to make sense.
Devon stuffed her earbuds intoher ears and blasted Dustin’s music as loud as she could manage. It had alwayshad a calming effect. She let the angsty music rush over her body with itsanger and rebellion seeping deep into her pores. She had initiated her ownrebellion and needed to see it through. She couldn’t be distracted byanything. There was no way she could risk bringing anyone down with her.
She’d had the strength to propelherself into action—to finally leave. She now needed the strength to stayaway. Devon couldn’t help but remember how it felt to be back in St. Louis,helpless to her own desire for acceptance. As much as she had tried to escapeeverything that had happened, her life pinwheeled her through time and space. She felt upside-down and right-side-up. She felt lost and so alone yetcompletely surrounded.
All she wanted to do was to giveher body a release and free herself from her own trap. But she wouldn’t letherself. She wouldn’t orient herself in that way. If she did, then she wouldonly be accepting her attraction. It would be better for her body to ache andher mind to remember that she would have to go without… she could gowithout. She wasn’t beholden to her body’s demands.
She could initiate her ownrebellion.
THOSE NEXT TWO weeks were the bestDevon had experienced since coming to Chicago. Working at Jenn’s was so taxingthat when she came back to the apartment, all she could do was fall into bed,exhausted. And she hadn’t had one nightmare during that whole time.
She worried that once the routinestarted kicking in—when she didn’t feel the constant pain in her feet, or therush to always be moving, or the ring of orders in her brain—the dreams wouldreturn. She didn’t want to think about it. She preferred to believe that shehad made the right choice, that the depression was sliding off her, and thatshe was improving. Devon didn’t want to face the alternative.
Either way, her attitude was muchimproving with her mind occupied.
The main thing holding her backwas that Hadley still hadn’t gotten over what had happened. Not that Devoncould blame her. She had basically blackmailed Hadley into allowing her tostay. But Hadley didn’t know why Devon needed to stay. If Hadley knew,then she likely wouldn’t have been as pissed. Devon just couldn’t tell her. Even before Hadley had avoided speaking with her for nearly a month, Devonhadn’t felt comfortable telling Hadley about what had happened in St. Louis. Now with the strain in their relationship, it seemed even less likely.
When Hadley had found out she wasworking at Jenn’s, it had been a disaster. Hadley had walked into therestaurant with her normal bounce in her step, slapped her ass right down on aseat at the bar, and ordered the chicken from Brennan. Devon had walked out ofthe kitchen, balancing a tray of drinks on her shoulder. As she had walked tothe booth to deliver the drinks, she caught Hadley’s eye. All of her bouncehad disappeared. She had muttered something to Brennan that Devon couldn’thear before she had stood and strode right out of the place.
Brennan had glanced betweenHadley’s retreating form and Devon. “You guys in a fight?”
Devon had shrugged and avertedher gaze. She had walked back into the kitchen, but Brennan followed her.
“You going to tell me what thatwas all about?” he had asked.
“No.” She had placed the traydown and loaded it back up with food for another table.
“Aren’t you guys best friends?”Brennan had prodded.
“Yes,” she had answered simply.
“Devon,” he had said, reachingout and grabbing her arm, “is everything alright?”
That had become his mantra. Shedidn’t know how many times he had asked her that or how many times she hadlied. She was fine. Fine.
Hadleyhadn’t shown up in Jenn’s since that day, or at least, she hadn’t shown upanytime Devon was working. In fact, Devon had only seen her in passing at theapartment, too. It was like Hadley was avoiding the apartment as much as Devonhad before she had gotten a job. Devon had tried stopping Hadley to talk, butshe always pretended to be busy before she immediately left. Devon worriedthat she would go the rest of the summer without seeing her friend. What she haddone was wrong, but she wanted to help Hadley if only Hadley would let her.
THE DAY THAT Hadley walked back intoJenn’s Restaurant, Devon was so surprised that she nearly dropped her tray. Shehad been lugging that thing around for how long, and she almost lost control ofit? When Amy, the other waitress on duty, glared at her, Devon quicklyrecovered.
Devon slowly tried to go abouther business and not pay any extra attention to her friend. She wasn’t aparticularly perceptive person to begin with, but Devon noticed everythingabout Hadley that day. Her business suit was as pristine as ever. Her blondehair had been tied up into a French twist at the back of her scalp. Her makeuphad been carefully applied. She looked perfect.
Except where she didn’t.
Living with Hadley fortwo-and-a-half years had given Devon a certain insight into her behavior thatmost people wouldn’t normally pick up on. Her eyes seemed a bit more hollowthan normal. Her suit was too loose, like she had lost weight. The bounce inher step was missing entirely. Hadley was in a low place even if she appearedperfect on the outside.
Hadley sat down in her normalseat. She lifted her head, looked directly at Devon, and then snapped back toface the front.
Devon sighed. So, that washow it was going to be. This was some kind of turf battle. Devoncertainly didn’t have a problem with her being there. She just wished it wereunder different
