He waited for the answer thatshould have been immediate on her tongue. It was more complicated than whetheror not she was over Reid, but she couldn’t tell Brennan that without puttinghim in danger. She cared about Brennan too much to let that happen.
“We didn’t break upface-to-face. I think I should at least talk to him,” she said softly.
His eyes shut, and he breathedheavily through his nose, like he was holding himself back. She hatedherself. She hated herself so much. She never wanted to cause him any pain. She never wanted to see his beautiful face look at her any other way than aslovingly as he had on the boat yesterday. She would never forgive herself, butat least, he would be safe. She needed to keep reminding herself of that.
Brennan opened his eyes andstared so intensely into her own that she blushed and looked away. He grabbedboth of her shoulders and pulled her close to him.
“Devon, please,” he said, makingher look at him. “I can already see it happening. Don’t let the life drainout of you again. I can see you retreating. I need you, and I think you needme, too. Please just stay here, stay in the present, in the future. Stay withme.”
“Brennan,” she whispered, tearscoming to her eyes this time.
“No, Devon, no tears,” he said,wiping them away from her eyes. “You’re too beautiful for that.”
She laughed through her tears andsniffled.
“There’s that smile, thatbeautiful smile. I want to keep making you smile, but I can’t if you walk outof this place. We pulled each other out of the water once, Devon. I can’tbear to see you sink any deeper. Please, please stay with me. Just stay withme,” he pleaded.
Devon closed her eyes and triedto steady her breathing. The tears were coming harder, and they weren’thelping anything. She wanted to stay so badly. She wanted to run away withBrennan and continue to forget all her problems. She wanted to be with him,but she couldn’t keep running. She needed to do what was right even if itwasn’t what she wanted.
“I can’t,” she said, sinking intoherself as she forced out the words. “I have to go.”
She pushed the tears out of hereyes and brushed past him toward the exit. She had already been in here toolong. Reid would notice, and she didn’t want him to associate Brennan withher.
“Devon,” he said, grabbing herwrist in his hand before she could go, “you’re making a big mistake.”
She swallowed back her tears. “Ihave to go,” she repeated, pulling her wrist free.
Before Brennan could say anotherword, she rushed out of the break room and into the kitchen. Pushing her handsup into her hair, Devon doubled over like she had just been punched in thestomach. No. This was worse.
This felt like her heart wasbreaking, shattering into a million pieces.
WHEN DEVON FINALLY composed herself,she walked out of the back to find Reid fiddling with his empty drink while hetalked to an enamored Hannah. This was going to go over well for herreputation, not that it even mattered. She didn’t know what she would even bedoing after today.
“Hey,” Reid said. He watched heras she walked toward him, like a predator tracking his prey.
“Hey,” Devon responded.
His eyes searched her face. Sheknew that he could tell she had been crying. She never hid it well, but therewas nothing she could do about it now.
Seemingly without thinking, hereached out and took her hand. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah,” she murmured.
“It was really nice meeting you,Hannah,” Reid said with that same award-winning smile. He placed two twentieson the bar and stood.
“Nice meeting you, too,” Hannahsaid sullenly as she watched Reid with Devon.
Devon didn’teven have the strength to say anything else to Hannah. She was ready to leaveor else she never would. She had already left Brennan in the break room, andthat had been nearly impossible.
THE SILENCE THAT permeated the spacebetween Reid and Devon was suffocating. There was so much left unsaid, so muchthat she was waiting for, but she wasn’t going to be the one to break thesilence. She didn’t even know where Reid was taking her. She knew the area,but she couldn’t tell where they were going. She should have cared more orbeen a little freaked out, but it was Reid. He wouldn’t do anything to attractattention to himself in public. But if they were walking somewhere moreprivate…
She swallowed hard; a lump thatshe couldn’t get down lodged in her throat. The fact that they were heretogether right now was so messed up. She had thought that she had loved thisman, that he was her greatness. True love had never felt so cheap than it hadin this moment.
She had deluded herself intobelieving in it, in him. Reid wasn’t her greatness. He was just a guy who gotoff on a little power. She had been so blind to him that even when the worsthad come—she had still blamed herself. Why couldn’t she be better? Howcould she get him to see that she was trying harder? She deserved what he wasdoing to her because she wasn’t good enough for him.
The longer she had stayed away,the more these thoughts had faded from her mind. She wasn’t a coward. Shehadn’t run because she thought it was easier than facing him. She was brave,and she had run because facing him wasn’t possible.
Two-and-a-half months wasn’t longenough for her to forget what had happened. It wasn’t long enough for her toforgive if she ever would. It was only long enough for the bruises to heal…butnot the emotional ones. Those had scarred, and she didn’t know if they wouldever fully heal.
As Reid walked into a parkinggarage, Devon’s heart fluttered. Of course, he had driven here. How elsewould he have gotten here so soon? The thought of getting into a car withhim and letting him control her course was terrifying. Where were theygoing to go? Would he drive them straight back to St. Louis and pick up wherethey left off?
They found Reid’s sporty littleblack BMW parked all by itself.
