“Jesus. Is that all you want me for is sex?” I’m pushing for an argument instead of facing the truth, which is pretty damn low of me when I can see so clearly Seth honestly is trying to get my feet back on solid ground.
I’ve never broken down in front of anyone except my family and Sienna. It’s as new to me as the idea of Seth and me.
“No, but it’s no secret I like to fuck, Victoria, and the only person I want to fuck is you.”
A startling gasp shoots from my throat. Seth makes it hard not to submit to his demands. Not to fling myself at him, welcome him into my body, and get lost in the aggressive way he fucks.
“You know I told myself I’d chase you until you gave in. After what’s happened, the last thing I want is to do is hurt you more. Now open that beautiful mouth and tell me. I’m not asking again.”
I try dodging his words. To let them fly right by me, but they hit me square in the chest, stealing my breath and making me want him more than ever before. Seth isn’t lying. He genuinely cares about me, even if parts of how he shows are cold.
Seconds pass, maybe minutes, our eyes remain on each other’s as he waits.
It feels like an eternity standing here when my heart is screaming to give him everything, and my head is telling me it’s best for my sanity for him to walk away. An eternity when I don’t know if I’m strong enough to ignore the life he leads.
“Answer me. Why won’t you give me a chance to prove how much I care about you?” he says in a way that makes me want to argue more. To stop the breakdown that is so close to choking the breath out of me.
A freight train barreling toward me head-on at full steam.
“Is this how it’s going to be? If I don’t answer you right away, we fight, and then what, fuck?”
“If that’s what it takes to make us work, then yes,” he replies with that damn smirk on his face.
Picturing that kind of sex sends my heart in a bolting sprint, and my body screaming for him just to take charge and fuck me.
Seth has been in here for less than five minutes, and just like that, he has me under his seductive spell. It doesn’t matter because I can’t give either of us what we want until I free myself from some of this ache inside me.
I exhale a heavy breath—so many thoughts running through me, aching to be free.
I grasp hold of my necklace, hoping it gives me the strength to at least admit some things out loud and put a little trust in Seth.
To get a bit of the weight off my chest.
“I’m afraid. Is that what you want me to say. I’m afraid whoever killed my family will kill again. I’m afraid of how I feel about you. I’m afraid you’ll think me weak if I give in to you easily. I’m afraid I’m not enough,” I whimper. Those tears are so close now I can practically taste them.
“I’d never think you weak for giving in to something you want. Being afraid is okay, Victoria. Just don’t be afraid of me. But those aren’t the reasons you won’t let me in, are they?”
No, most definitely not. I’m not sure I can admit the truth. At least, not today. I’m melting too quickly as it is.
Thawing out by the firestorm of want and need and safety and trust and promises, we both know he can’t keep. Yet, he’ll do everything in his power to make sure he does, and judging by the look on his face, Seth sees me liquefying and likes it. But not because he thinks I’m weak. He thinks I’m strong.
How wrong he is.
“I’m not afraid of you. Right now, I can’t think about me and you or anything past my grief. They are gone. My family is gone.” The words tumble right out of my mouth.
Seth takes a step toward me, and I hold my hand out to stop him.
“Victoria.” My name a whisper, a plea, a beg to let him touch me.
“No, you can’t fix my grief, Seth. I will always carry it. Don’t you see, I’m cracking. But you split me wide open. You made me see that I can’t go on this way. Let me break the rest of the way on my own. Just give me this, please.”
Tears pool in my eyes. I have to do this my way. I’ve ignored grieving long enough. I shoved it down with worry over everyone else, and just like that, it’s right in front of me.
Sweeping me in, consuming me, and taking control.
Sadness, sorrow, and raw hurt pulse through me. A violent storm of emotions hitting my bloodstream and threatening to carry me away.
My body gives in as tears I can’t contain, and waves of pain wash over me.
The anguish, heartache, misery, the grief rises in my throat one after the other. Consuming me entirely. I’m at the mercy of them with such ferocity, the emptiness in my heart is bottomless.
My legs buckle, and I drop to the soft carpet. The weight of everything I held inside is suddenly more significant than worrying
