“Deathy baby,” said Satan, laughing with his arms outstretched. “It’s not a matter of having time. You have all the time in the universe. But we all have places in life, and yours is dishing out death.”
“It’s not what I want,” said Death hastily. “I want...peace, and...quiet...ness...” He could not find the right words. Satan only laughed.
“Death, come on now,” he said as though he were trying to convince a child. “Just because something is different than what you’re used to doesn’t mean it’s better. I knew a girl once who complained constantly about a college she went to. When she transferred colleges she hated that one. She transferred again. Then when she got a job, hated it. Got a new one, hated it. Meanwhile Famine is running around in third world countries, and here is this girl who is complaining about the colleges she attends.” He looked up, seemingly having lost his train of thought. “My...uh, my point is, sometimes you’re in a certain spot for a reason. You can’t just find something new for the sake of it.”
“But you aren’t getting it,” said Death. He was being more adamant than usual, and it made him feel good. “I enjoy what I’m doing right now. I don’t even know how long I’ve been working. It’s been ages. Now I just want to settle down, enjoy the rest of eternity.”
Satan let out a deep sigh and sat back down in his swivel chair. He decided to try a different angle as he folded his hands and gazed deeply at Death. “Look, you know about the feud between God and me.”
“Well, yeah,” said Death. “Been going on for quite some time.”
“And we’re trying to build our armies here, so one day trumpets can blare and we can wage war on the earth and whatnot. But without you, no one goes to Heaven or Hell. They just rot. What’s going to happen, people are just going to stay on earth, overpopulating until it becomes unbearable? Then they lose their mental states completely as their bodies deteriorate?”
“No,” said Death quietly. He did not want to admit it, but Satan was getting to him, putting pictures into his mind of men and women, hundreds of years old with tarnished bodies and lost minds. But he shook off the images and pressed forward. “Look, I’m not going to be a pawn for your little feud.”
Satan put his hands up in defense. “Whoa, whoa, I never said that. Look, Death. Boopee.” He had a great smile on his face, which vexed Death. “We don’t want you picking sides. We made that very clear when this began. You’re more powerful than both God and I combined. Hell, you could reap anyone at anytime, even us, if you tried hard enough. We understand that. And we’re happy. You’ve been cooperative through the whole thing.” Death took a sip of his coffee as Satan rubbed the side of his chin with his palm. “The point isn’t to give me more soldiers. Even though--let’s face it--I’m simply better at convincing people than God is. God’s a little out of touch these days, huh? When he had His son it made him a little soft, I think. But the point is, the universe needs you in order to function properly. Without you, the entire system breaks down.”
Death considered Satan’s points for some time before saying, “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”
“Things on earth aren’t great, anyways,” said Satan. “You’ve got hatred and terrorism. Oil spills. Environmental damage. People are cruel creatures, Death, so cruel they’ll rip that heart of yours right out while it’s still beating. I’ve seen it before.”
“No, people are good,” said Death matter-of-factly. “I’ve seen it. They’re helpful and friendly. Some are out to get everyone else, sure. Some can be petty and ignorant, in their own little bubble. But if you look for the right ones, you’ll find them.”
Satan laughed and shook his head. “They go away too, Death. Everyone goes away. You just don’t know that yet.” Death was silent. “Come on, then,” said Satan softly, encouragingly. “Do what’s right. Set the universe back in order. Then you, me and the other Horsemen can grab a sandwich and a beer. God can even come; we know he’s not doing anything these days, am I right?” He laughed and winked at Death, who did nothing but stare out Satan’s window at the flames of Hell as they spurted up around the infinite horizon. “Death?” asked Satan. “What are you thinking about? Talk to me.”
“I just...” started Death. He sighed. No one was on his side anymore, and he felt very alone. “I just like where I am. I don’t know if I can come back.”
A mix of fury, rage, and terror washed over Satan’s face. But the glance was gone in a flare, so fast that Death wondered if he imagined it. Now, Satan was smiling a forced, twisted smile.
“I really hope you change your mind,” he said, his voice dark and strained. “This is...frankly...absurd.”
As Death ascended back onto the hard earth, back to the human civilization that could be cold and harsh but beautiful and mesmerizing all the same, he thought of what was next for him. Whatever it was, he felt an empty, hollow, peculiar victory, the cause of which he could not quite determine.
A New Suit
UNDERWATER SOCIETY AT WAR
New Atlantis, Michigan – The cult group that refers to themselves as “God’s Chosen Sea People,” have declared a schism in their faction, resulting in a civil war.
Weeks ago, members of GCSP found
