“Well, I’d like to say I’m sorry,” said Satan into the microphone. “I’ve been a right bastard lately.” He wiped another tear from his eye and smiled at Death, who smiled back. Pestilence flicked a spider off his face.
Death got down off the stage as the wall of fire ceased. Most people bolted for their homes. Tim and Maria stayed. “Well, I guess I have to get going,” said Death. “But this isn’t goodbye. Want to get a coffee next Thursday?”
“Sure,” said Tim happily. “Your treat?”
Death laughed and looked at Maria. “You’ll be free, right?”
“Yes indeed,” she said.
“I was serious, though,” said Tim.
“Alright, I’ll meet you two then,” said Death. He climbed back onto the stage to meet the rest of his friends. As Death waved goodbye, their corporeal images evaporated. The people were left to disperse back to the city and wonder what the hell just happened. Tim looked at Maria and smiled.
Death immediately went back to work. His usual rounds went on, and the world seemed to be back in the best order it could be in now. Those who became deathly ill actually died. Wars resulted in casualties. Starvation was a threat to one’s life again. Satan built his army as everyone wondered if God was even alive anymore. Even though Death found being back refreshing, the utmost happiness came when he thought of getting coffee with Tim and Maria. There were humans who cared about him and even liked him now, and Death was happy.
A Friendly Visit
Maria was ninety-four years, seven months, fourteen days, ten hours and thirty-three minutes old when she sat down on her sofa in her living room. She lived alone in Hair, Massachusetts. Long retired from the law firm she had built up from the ground, her life was full of adventure and dreams come true. One could say that, since her friendship with Death, she had had a particularly lucky life. She sat on her sofa, half-reminiscing, and looked up. “I thought I’d see you soon,” she said in an old, dry voice that still held tints of her young southern drawl.
“Haven’t been feeling well?” asked Death. He was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed and a smile on his face.
“I’ve felt fine,” said Maria. “Just had a feeling.” Death walked up to her and crouched down to meet her eye to eye. And, without a word, he reached out and placed a finger on her shoulder. She slouched over, stone dead.
Flames licked up in front of Maria, singeing her knuckles. She ran her young fingers down her hair, which was long, brown and silky again. “I don’t normally accompany people who’ve been reaped,” said Death. “But I can make an exception.”
Maria hugged Death, her warm arms holding him tightly. “You said you’d call last Saturday,” she said in her bright young voice.
“I got tied up in Albania,” said Death. “This guy was giving me a run for my money. A hundred and four and the man could move. Cornered him, though.” Maria smiled and looked around at the vast fiery horizon before her. A ghostly black demon swooped over their heads, screeching loudly.
“You know, I’m a little surprised,” said Maria. “I was a devout Catholic. I thought I’d go to Heaven.”
“You were close,” said Death, rubbing the back of his neck. “Protestants are the ones who end up in God’s Kingdom. But between you and me, ever since the Middle Ages, Hell isn’t so bad. Besides, Satan has been excited to see you. Oh, speak of the Devil.”
Satan was walking towards Maria and Death, a broad smile on his face. “There she is,” he said. “About time someone came down and classed the place up.” He raised his eyebrows at Maria, who blushed. “Still as beautiful as ever.” He rubbed his forefinger and thumb together and a lily appeared in his palm, which he placed in Maria’s hair. Then he snapped his fingers and a small heart-shaped tin of fudge materialized in his hands. “Here you go. Welcome to Hell. You’ve come just in time.”
“Why’s that?’ asked Maria, smiling and taking hold of the fudge.
“Before you tell her, is Tim around?” asked Death.
“As a matter of fact he was just in my office. We were playing some five card when I sensed your presence.” He snapped his fingers again and they appeared in his office. Tim jumped up and looked around, his beady black eyes shooting all around before landing on Maria.
“There she is,” he said brightly, standing up and giving her a hug. “It’s about time you died.”
“I thought it was going to be earlier but I beat the cancer,” she said.
“I had to have a chat with Pestilence about that one,” said Death.
Satan raised his hands in the air and said, “Everyone take a seat.” He pressed the call button on his desk and said into the speaker: “Janice, could you bring in four cups of the best coffee I have? Go into the reserve stuff.” He smiled and sat down. Moments later, Janice walked into the office holding a tray of mugs filled to their brims with steaming coffee. Trailing her was Pestilence, War, and Famine.
“Hey, old buddy,” said Pestilence.
“It’s been a while,” said War.
“Howdy,” said Famine, looking at Maria and smiling.
“Janice,” said Satan as she was walking out of the door. “Wear something more revealing next time. I’m the Prince of Darkness, not a Wall Street executive. Let’s loosen up a little.”
Janice looked down at her brown pencil skirt, said “Okay,” and left. Death, Maria, and Tim took their coffees.
“I wanted to gather you all here for an announcement. Thirty or so years ago, the Apocalypse was supposed to go down. But Death here came to me and we made a little deal.” He folded his hands on the desk and grinned at Maria. “I agreed to not make it happen until you were dead and gone, honey.”
“Wow, really?” asked Maria, looking at Death.
