“Guess that was a close one, huh?” I whispered as I leaned in to kiss Lor.
She placed her hands on my chest and pushed me away. “Cade, I can’t, I just can’t. I’m sorry.” She ran off toward her jeep, climbed in and drove away.
I needed those test results. As soon as she knew the baby was mine, she would wanna plan a future with me. My God, I prayed, please let that baby be mine.
Jaxon
I had been back in Richmond for only a few weeks, but it felt like forever. My mom agreed to let us stay with her until we could find a place of our own. To be honest, I wasn’t really out looking too much. I was trying to live with Stacy and Jaz as a family.
Jaz wasn’t my daughter, but I was trying so hard to pretend. I held her, I helped Stacy feed her, bathe her, and I played with her. I was trying so hard to be a daddy to her, but the more I looked at her, the more I realized what I had lost. All I had wanted was to become a family with Lor and the twins. Grow old with her on the farm. I still couldn’t understand why she was so quick to let me leave. I was so pissed off at her that day. I didn’t even put up a fight. I was such a dick. I thought she felt the same way for me, as I felt for her, but apparently I was wrong. Those weeks we were together will always be the best weeks of my life. This just proved to me that I was a total fuck-up.
Stacy was giving Jaz a bath. “Jaxon, come get her for me.”
I walked over to Stacy and took Jaz out of her arms. She was all wrapped up in her little pink princess towel. It had a hood that looked like a crown. That hood was covering up her beautiful blonde curls.
She had the biggest blue eyes. She was beautiful, just like her mommy. Why couldn’t she be mine? Why couldn’t we have had her, when we were trying so hard? When we were happy? Maybe if we had, things would be different. Back then I thought that Stacy was my future. Meeting Loralei changed all of that. It changed me.
I took Jaz into the spare bedroom we were staying in at Mom’s. She put her head on my shoulder and snuggled down into the crook of my neck. I just couldn’t understand why things had to be this way. If she had been here a couple of years ago, my fucking life would’ve been so different. But that’s not how it happened.
Even though she looked just like Stacy, I could see Ratz every time I looked at her. I just knew he was her dad. How could an asshole like that make something so perfect? Something that he would never appreciate? Something he couldn’t take the time to be bothered with?
She smelled so good. I could’ve sat there and snuggled with her forever. But Stacy came and took her out of my arms and started to get her ready for bed. I went downstairs. My mom was in the kitchen on the phone. I started through the doorway when I heard:
“He’s just not himself, Jake. He misses her. He hasn’t said anything to me, but I know that’s what it is. He’s tryin’ so hard to love this baby girl. But he won’t ever love her Momma again.”
“I know. I feel the same way. I just don’t know what to do. He has to be a man. After what his daddy did to us, he won’t ever leave her, Jake, You know that.”
“I don’t think I can stand to watch him hurtin’ like this much longer. I know. I love you too. Talk soon.”
I stepped into the kitchen. “Hey, Mom, who was on the phone?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Oh, just somebody tryin’ to sell me somethin’. You know how that goes...”
I hated that she felt she had to lie to me about talking to Uncle Jake. He knew I had to do this. They both knew that it would be hard for me to abandon Jaz. Especially, after I became attached. Stacy needed me to help her with the baby. There was no way she could raise a kid by herself. And we were married. I just needed to forget about my fucking fantasy future, and live in the here and now.
“Yeah, Mom, I know. I promise we will get out of your hair soon. I don’t wanna cause a burden for you. I really appreciate you letting us stay.”
Mom motioned for us to sit down at the table. “Son, I need to know what you’re gonna do about that girl in Missouri. I know you mean to do the right thing by that sweet baby girl upstairs. But what about those kids in Missouri? There as much yours as Jaz is.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Mom? The twins aren’t mine.”
“And neither is she. You can’t lie to me, Jaxon. I know that baby isn’t yours. A mom always knows this stuff. Now tell me why you’re lyin’.”
Wow, this woman was truly amazing. I was so relieved to get this out. “You’re right. We had a test done and she isn’t mine. But mom, she needs me. Stacy can’t raise a kid on her own. As it stands, she’s got one foot in a crack house. If I leave her, it won’t do either one of ‘em any good.”
Mom leaned across the table and took my hands in hers. “Jaxon, I raised you to be a good man, a man that does the right thing. This is not the right thing for you. You can’t do this
