She doubled over and retched into her napkin. Burgundy hair flew over so quick her feet barely touched the floor. “You need help, honey?” she said, hovering over Birdie then glaring at my wild mane of hair, which was tangled and greasy after a year’s deliberate neglect.
“Fries and ketchup?” I said, realizing she’d probably spit on them before she brought them to me. I didn’t care. I’d eaten worse at the Flatts’ place.
“Now he’s gone. Finished with me. And he won’t return my calls. And Earl’s pissed,” whispered Birdie, her eyes darting to the door. “I mean really pissed. We’re not supposed to contact the clients. He says I’m becoming a pain in the ass.”
My skin felt cold and prickly despite the hum of heat. I reached out to her. Clasped her hand. “You don’t have to go back to him. We can leave here.”
“What can I do? Go back to Lester’s hellhole?”
“We’ll run away,” I said, my body feeling suddenly lighter. I’d been waiting for this chance to get Birdie alone to talk some sense into her. But I had to make sure about something first. “What about Loni? You still hanging with her?”
Birdie picked at a dried spot of ketchup on the table. Eased it off with her fingernail. “Haven’t seen her in months. Don’t know where she is. Nobody knows. She never came back from the ships. Earl says she got sick, but I haven’t heard a word.”
“And I guess there’s no search parties out looking for her?”
“Why would they? Nobody cares. You don’t either. You’re probably glad she’s gone.”
I couldn’t lie to her, so I said nothing. Just waited until she was calm again.
“So there’s just the two of us again. Like the old times. We’ll run away somewhere. Get the hell out of the city. Hitch a ride up north. Maybe even ride all the way up to Canada.”
The fries appeared and Birdie actually ate a few. Dipped them daintily into the paper cup of ketchup. I tried to hold myself back from stuffing them down three or four at a time. I was so hungry I couldn’t fill my mouth quickly enough.
“Could we really get there?” she said, a smile twitching at the corner of her lips.
I nodded in between bites. “I bet we could find Dennis if we tried.” The food and the idea of being with Birdie were making me dizzy.
She shrugged. “I have money and we can sell some of my stuff. There’s enough to keep us going for a while. Until we get a job.”
“We could be waitresses,” I said, a spark of hope crackling inside me.
She rested her elbows on the table and smiled. “Maybe I could work in a clothes store. Or do makeup at Dayton’s.”
She grinned and we clasped hands. Suddenly I knew she was back. For real.
“We’re gonna do it tonight,” I said. “I’ll come back to your place with you now. Make sure you’re okay. Then we’ll head out on the road. Maybe even get a bus.”
A cloud passed over her face. “Remember Esther and her dolls?”
I nodded.
“I dreamed about my baby. How beautiful she would be.” Tears oozed from the corners of her eyes. “She was perfect. Like those dolls. But so soft and pretty. She smelled like soap and powder and I held her in my arms. I sang to her and told her I’d always be there to protect her from all the bad things no matter what. She was so small. I touched every tiny toe and counted her fingers. When I cuddled her she looked up at me and I knew she loved me. More than anybody else in the world. She’d always love me.”
Birdie had always ached to hold Esther’s dolls. She’d even pressed her face to the glass so hard, Esther had to push her aside and make me polish away the smudges left by her sticky nose and mouth.
“I love you like that, Birdie,” I whispered. “We’ll be okay together.”
She smiled through tears, and our hands clasped so tight I felt the old electricity again. The charge that bonded us together. Sisters. Forever. “I love you too, Anna, and I’m sorry about Loni and the way we hurt you.”
“I forgot about that already,” I said, my heart so big in my chest I thought it would burst.
“But you gotta wait here for now,” she said, getting up. “Don’t want anyone getting suspicious. I’ll be back in an hour.”
I pushed my chair back. “No. I’m coming with you. I’ll stay hidden just to make sure you get out okay.”
She smiled at me with real love in her eyes. Again, like the old times. “Always looking out for me, Anna. You never change. But this time you’ll have to trust me.”
My heart thudded so hard it seemed deafening. I couldn’t let her out of my sight. She’d never come back. I knew if she walked away it would be the end.
The diner door swung shut and I watched her disappear down the street, walking with that awkward pigeon-toed limp. She crossed into a shimmer of heat that scrambled her figure into a thousand wavy lines until she was gone. As if she’d never been there.
My sister. My Birdie.
Gone from the empty chair across from me. The faint scent of cigarette smoke the only evidence she’d been there.
Birdie was here.
Only a minute ago. Wasn’t she?
I picked at a cold fry, dropped it back into the bowl without even touching it to my lips. It felt cold and heavy like a dead finger.
I waited there until burgundy-hair threw me out a couple of hours later. Then I hung around outside till it was dark. I left just after ten.
Back at the Flatts’ place, bodies were passed out on the couches, chairs and floor. Six of them stretched out, the pipe lying unguarded on the table. I lit the tiny crumbs of meth left in the bowl and inhaled
