She exhales a deep breath. “I really don’t think so. She’s just not like that. She’s as straightforward as they come, and she’s not manipulative. And…”
“And what?”
“And someone asked about you earlier and I heard him say he didn’t want to see you right now.”
My heart plummets. “Is that what he said? Is that exactly how he said it?”
“I think his exact words were, I just can’t.”
I collapse into a plastic chair on the front porch.
Bailey peers inside. “Tori’s out. Let’s hear what she has to say.”
Bailey walks into the house, leaving the door half-open for me. I stand up and listen in.
“You guys are great for being here for him,” Tori says, “and he really appreciates you all. He’s just here to shower and get back to his mom. He even wants me to leave.”
There’s a low mumble from the room, and then people start filing out. Everyone disperses toward their homes, while Tori closes the door behind her.
She looks up at me, her eyes going wide at the sight of me for a second, and then she gives a partial smile and walks toward her unit.
I rub my temple as I pad toward my car, my head spinning.
30
Brett
We decided on a graveside service to keep things small, but even so, there’s way more people here than I expected—my mom’s AA group, a ton of her co-workers, some of my grandmother’s old friends who we haven’t seen much of since she got sick, and a handful of our neighbors.
The preacher drones on about life and death, quoting scripture and saying things about my grandmother that could apply to anyone in attendance today. Seventy-six years of a full and important life reduced to this atrocity. What a disservice.
After the ceremony, we turn around and are bombarded by people wanting to speak to us. They form a line, and we greet them one at a time. I feel like a broken record telling people thank you and that, yes, she was an incredible woman. But what I want to say to most of these people is, Where the fuck have you been for the past three years that she was so sick?
Matthew is worthless right now. He can’t look anyone in the eye, and I can tell this is excruciating for him. I reach around Tori, who stands between us, and tap him on the arm. “Go sit in the car.” He bolts without hesitation.
Robert and Catherine are next in line. They both give me a hug and their condolences. “Take as much time as you need,” Robert says. “And let me know what I can do. I feel helpless.”
Join the club.
I greet another few people, and then my friends are next in line. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for them. They all hug me, and the girls give me kisses on the cheek, all telling me how sorry they are and how much they love me. As much as I love each of them, I can’t help looking past them to see if Kylie’s here. But I don’t find her.
“We’ll be gathered at our place this evening if you’d like to come over when you get home,” Simone says.
“You all don’t have to wait around for me. I don’t even know what I’m doing right now.”
“We just want to be available if you need us,” Bailey says.
I nod, trying to keep it together. After they clear out, I’m met face-to-face with Jack Massey. It’s all I can do to keep from rolling my eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he says.
I just nod, holding my mouth in a tight line so I don’t say something to embarrass my family.
“She was a beautiful woman. I only met her that once, but I could tell you got your dry sense of humor from her.”
I’m confused at first, and then I rewind back to when he first came to work at the resort. He and I were just getting to know each other. There was tension because we were both Robert’s boys, and he was the new one. I invited him for Sunday dinner at my mom’s house just to watch him squirm, rich boy that he is. But he couldn’t have been more gracious. He fit in with my family better than I do sometimes, son of a bitch.
I’m unable to open my mouth as the dam presses behind my eyes, threatening to break at any moment.
He gives me sort of a half wave and then steps off.
I look down the rest of the line and don’t find Kylie anywhere. I haven’t been able to bring myself to text her since it happened. I don’t know if I can look her in the eye. What happened is my fault and my fault alone. I will bear that burden for the rest of my life. The reason I can’t connect with her is because I know I can’t have her anymore. Still, part of me just needs to know if she came.
My feet move before my brain does. “Jack,” I call out, and he turns around. I walk over to him, but when I reach him, I’m unable to bring words to my lips.
“Kylie?” he asks.
I hesitate and then just nod.
He points to the road. “She’s in the car. Do you want me to send her over here?”
I shake my head. “No. Thanks.”
I walk over to continue my duty of greeting people, my gut twisting like a pretzel.
31
Kylie
I’m wrapping up my last email for the day when Bailey peeks around the wall of my cubicle. “Thanks for your help today with Family Day.”
I twirl around to face her and force a smile, not sure when I’ll ever be able to do that naturally again. “Sure. I enjoyed it.”
“Your party planning skills are really coming in handy. I can’t believe you never got paid for that before.”
“Trust me, I was compensated.”
“Are you bringing anybody in from Oklahoma for it?” Bailey asks.
My
