HNOSSI ICEGAARD and WALLY W. WATCHTOWER are now happily married, and Hnossi has given birth to a baby boy. The product of combined Aeserian and Argonian genes, the fast-forming fetus gestated to full term in less than a month, with a birthday of September 12. Eager to celebrate their union in numerous ways, the couple toyed with the names “Hnally” and “Wossi,” but arrived at a happy third option by naming their child Freedom.
PROFESSOR ICEGAARD has overcome her Savior Complex, removed herself from her id-crisis of scripted behavior loops, deactivated her narcissistic tendencies and Uranus Conflict with her daughter, countered her Mortiquaeroticism, and successfully disassembled her Icon Trap. In doing so, she’s found a new life and new love, and has gone past mere consultation with Piltdown Dynamics to become its Chief Research & Design Officer as Pilt-Dyne’s vanguard in the development of all new peace-delivery technology systems including the new B10 ballistic-pacification flight vehicle currently under construction.
MR. PILTDOWN, still unmarried, remains saddened by the loss of his former protégé, whom he still remembers as the happy, smiling child he’d once been. More pleasantly, he’s processed his way through his own Icon Trap. Because of his role in protecting the public safety, he’s been able to reduce his Mission-Identity Loss Disturbance, and he’s made great strides in minimizing his id-confrontational tendencies, his Obsessive Defensive Ideation and Compulsive Fight-or-Flight Behaviors, and has addressed his own case of the Achilles Threefold Folly of Superior Ability. Buoyed by his newfound mental clarity and public acclaim for his heroic role in the July 16 Attacks, he was elevated by an overwhelming margin to the F*L*A*C as Director of Operations in the F*O*O*J election of September 12, with his Squirrel-slate swept in alongside him. Awarded the contract to build the Asteroid Omega penitentiary, Piltdown Dynamics is also constructing and will be operating a new network of high-tech criminal containment facilities around the United States, providing jobs and safety for the nation.
Festus Piltdown was perhaps my most reluctant sanity-supplicant, beginning as an angry, confrontational, embittered, and lonely man who was suffocating under the weight of his own past. Yet he employed our psychemotional processing more successfully than any of his comrades to undertake the greatest degree of self-actualization into the humble, correctly confident, serene, and wise leader he is today.
Because of that success, I’m going to give him the last word in Unmasked! When Being a Superhero Can’t Save You from Yourself, quoting his final answer to my repeated question about how to face life if the glory days never returned. And because I’m giving him the last word, I’ll even spot him a few more than the allotted ten:
“New days are upon us. We have no need for personal rewards or individual glory. We, a new F*O*O*J for a new century, have only one mission, and we’ll honor that mission to our highest capacity: to serve Man.”
—FESTUS PILTDOWN III, HKA THE FLYING SQUIRREL
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To my longtime comrade Dengar Shafiq for indispensable advice on revisions, and to amazing poet, author, and friend Mark Kozub for his encouragement on this project.
To my agent, mentor, and friend Marie Brown, who continues to dazzle me with her knowledge, wisdom, and understanding: my eternal affection, gratitude, and respect.
To my fellow SF writers who’ve been especially encouraging and gracious to me and my work: Richard Morgan (Market Forces), and Canadian cohorts Nalo Hopkinson (Brown Girl in the Ring) and Robert J. Sawyer (Hominids).
To my little sister E-Beth for use of her line “punched him in the soul.”
To all the wonderful folks who promoted and supported The Coyote Kings of the Space-Age Bachelor Pad, particularly the mighty Colleen Lindsay, and those readers and critics who understood that beyond the humor, Coyote Kings is a serious book.
To authors Dr. John Gottman (The Relationship Fix), Sandy Hotchkiss, LSCW (Why Is It Always About You? Saving Yourself from the Narcissists in Your Life), Dr. Elizabeth Loftus and Katherine Ketcham (The Myth of Repressed Memory), and Nafeez Mosaddeq Ahmed (The War on Freedom: How and Why America Was Attacked September 11, 2001) for their often electrifying insights and case studies.
To my wife, Michelle, my best friend and truly a blessing from the Divine.
And finally, to the Creator, from whom radiates all splendor, power, and triumph, who is the great hope of the universe, the maker and master of the stars, and the love of all the worlds. All praise is due to You.
The mistakes are mine alone.
ABOUT THE REAL AUTHOR
MINISTER FAUST is a high school English teacher, community activist, and public broadcaster in Edmonton, Canada, where he lives with his wife and daughter. His writing has appeared in The Globe and Mail, Alberta Views, and Vue Weekly, and his fiction, poetry, and essays have been anthologized in Fiery Spirits and Voices, Poetry Nation, and Edmonton on Location: River City Chronicles.
Hailed for its language, humor, and rich characterization, Minister Faust’s first novel, The Coyote Kings of the Space-Age Bachelor Pad, was a finalist for the Philip K. Dick Award, Compton Crook Award, and Locus Best First Novel Award, and ended up on 2004 top ten lists for January magazine (fiction), Barnes & Noble (SF&F), Amazon.com (SF&F), and SF Site (SF&F, Editor’s Choice). The New York Times Book Review said of the book: “Faust anatomizes [the Edmonton setting] with the same loving care Joyce brought to early-twentieth-century Dublin…Faust’s debut novel is a fresh and stylish entertainment.”
Since 1989, Minister Faust has been a community broadcaster at Edmonton’s CJSR FM88 and has freelanced for the CBC. His national award-winning Africentric and pro-democracy news program, The Terrordome Afrika All-World News Service, and his cohosted music show (with Bongbiemi the Original Tribesman), Asiko Phantom Pyramid: Global Afrikan Musics Led by a Headcharge of Hip Hop, can be heard around the world at cjsr.com.
Minister Faust’s website The Original BRO-LOG (ministerfaust.blogspot.com) hosts
