But she wouldn’t let me go that easy.
She put a hand on my shoulder as I made to turn away and back to the Mule. Get everyone on their feet. Corral Stinkeye and get us pointed toward the rally. Hoping we got lucky and didn’t have to do killing work along the way. No time for that. Too little ammo for what was probably gonna be needed for an actual dropship hijack on a hot LZ to get back to the ship and out of this system. Off this dog of a world.
Why did I think that was overly optimistic?
Because I didn’t think we had much fight left in us. I was worried about that. Real worried. Once a unit starts running, after being handed a bad defeat like the one we got back at the capital and the starport, it was hard to stop. Hard to stop the running once it got started.
“Yes, Orion. It was me. I was there. Not one of the architects, but definitely one of the true believers. Then. One of the implementers. If only for what I thought were all the right reasons at the time. Maybe they were. But they aren’t anymore. Here’s the thing, Sergeant. The thing I need you to believe in. I had no right, Orion. None of us did. We had no right to decide. I was wrong. We were wrong.”
I stepped close. Fast. She flinched at my sudden move.
“And now?” I snapped at her. Low and like I would do the murder she was hearing in my tone. “You think you got the right now? Now that there’s nothing left and you’re all on the same team, as you say? We’re all on the same team. The Monarch team. You think you got the right, whether you like it or not, to flip the gaming table? Tell us we’re not playing what we’ve been playing all along. It’s what you said, everyone’s on the same side, right? Everyone that matters, that is. Monarchs. Everyone else just acts their part, do I have that right? Well maybe this is just another game I’m getting tired of playing. Freedom. I know it. If you asked me why I became a mercenary it was because of freedom. Freedom to go wherever you want and not join, or believe, in anything. The freedom to sell yourself for money to the highest bidder. Yeah, just so you know, we all figured that out a long time ago. I don’t know how many of us regulars, norms, I don’t know what slang term you have for those who aren’t Monarchs but I’m sure there’s one, but we figured that out a long, long time ago. Hell, I remember when my dad first explained it to me. You know what he said to ten-year-old me, lady? He said freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose, kid. He probably had no idea how he was coding me, but that’s, when I really think about it, probably why I became a hired soldier. I’m down to losing the last thing I value. My life. No home. No ship. No wife. No kids I know of. No job on a world where I gotta make sure I’m doing everything everyone else says I gotta do. You make people think those things are important and then you got ’em right where you want ’em. Convince them those are the things to want and then you can play games like letting them imagine they have freedom when they really don’t. You know what they got. The freedom not to lose those things. The freedom to obey. Me, us, Strange Company—we just got our lives. That’s what I’m down to. Those idiots up there cheating each other at cards on a world being annihilated by the galaxy’s apex predators. Your dogs the Ultras. We’re practically dead. We can’t play anymore, and I bet on some level, even if doesn’t bother you, it bothers some of the other Monarchs. I bet they hate when you figure that out. I’ve seen enough worlds get ruined over that when the locals choose to trade their lives for a chance at fending you guys off. Thinking the corporations are allies when really… if I’m following everything you’re saying, even them, the counteroffer they say corporations are, they’re really just you too. Even if they don’t know it. That’s right, isn’t it?”
I must’ve started shouting because they were all already staring at me raving like a lunatic out near the giant sea snake in the desert. Surrounded by late afternoon orange creamsicle air. Shouting at a stunner. An uber model not meant to hunt with dogs like us. The wind came up and caught her hair and I wanted her, and hated myself for it.
I’d charged her. Not like I was gonna attack her. But walking fast like when an NCO spots a soldier that needs immediate correction, and you need to jump all over them to straighten out their major malfunctions. I was in her face and barking now. Barking like a mad dog.
“I don’t know what game you’re out here selling, but if you’re all on the same side, then that’s all it is, a game. Go sell freedom for something else to the rubes. I’m down to Strange Company. The only thing I believe in is getting them off-world with a chance to run the blockade and get to deep space for another twenty-five-year haul. I die getting that done… I’m cool with that, Your Highness.”
I threw my arms wide. I had my chest rig unbuckled, and it flapped in the wind. I must’ve looked like a desert madman out there. Ragged and insane. Preaching nonsense.
“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose!”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
We made the rally twenty-four hours later as one of the big desert storms came up and swamped this portion of the Wastes. Howling winds, scouring sand, eerie moaning that seemed choral as it raced and
