I shut my eyes, swaying from fatigue.Tears pricked my eyes and I nodded. “Got it. Off to bed, then,” I said, myvoice catching just a bit. Just enough for me to want to kick myself.
“You okay, kid?”
I nodded.
“You’re lying,” he said.
I shook my head, no. But I was lyingand we both knew it. I took the steps slowly. Each one felt nine feet tall. Ibrushed my teeth and shucked my clothes, pulling on a big white tee over mypanties. I washed my face and opened the door only to rear back with a smallcry. Gil grinned. “Sorry. Just checking on you. You sure you’re okay?”
“Fine,” I lied.
“Lie,” he said. “I’ve known you for along time, Jenny. And you’ve lied to me plenty.”
“I have ne-eh-ver,” I saiddramatically but laughed. “Okay, once or twice.”
“It’ll be okay,” Gil said.
“Tell me again,” I said, saggingagainst the wall outside the bathroom.
“It’ll be okay,” he said, brushing adamp strand of hair out of my eyes.
“Even if it’s not true,” I muttered,closing my eyes as his fingers brushed over my skin.
“It’s true. Promise.” He touched thetip of my nose. “Goodnight, Jenny,” he said and kissed my cheek.
My whole body reacted in that moment.The warmth of his lips on my skin, that fact that it was Gil--who I trusted somuch--telling me I’d be fine. It was a huge rush of love and gratitude and longstifled attraction. When he kissed my cheek, I turned my face and kissed hislips. Putting my hand in his soft hair, feeling the strands sift between myfingers.
Gil’s body went stiff and I kissed himharder, pushing my tongue to his lips and past them. When my tongue touched histongue heat unraveled through my belly down to my pussy. He tried to pull back.“Please, Gil. Please,” I said, realizing I was not drunk. I was totally soberand in that moment and all I wanted in the world was for him to kiss me back.“Please, kiss me, Gil. Please.”
His body softened and his handstouched my hips. His lips moved against mine in a gentle dance before he openedhis mouth and really kissed me. His hand cupping the back of my head to hold metight as he kissed me like we were going to die in the next breath. “Just thisone, Jenny. Just one,” he said against my lips and kissed me more.
“I feel your kiss all over,” I said,babbling now. I’d say anything to make him keep kissing me. Make me feelbetter. Make me feel safe. Make me feel sane again. “Here,” I said and put hisbig hand to my chest so he could feel my heart banging like some wild thing inmy chest. “And here,” I said, pushing it to my belly. That roller coasterfeeling coiled through me and when he curled his fingers gently over my tummy,his lips still moving against mine, I felt my pussy grow wet and ready.
“Jenny,” he said but I pressed mymouth to his and stifled his words.
“And here,” I said, half desperate andhalf terrified. I put his hand to the front of my panties and arched my hips sothat I moved against him.
He made a sound in his throat. Astrangled, tortured sound that made me press his hand harder to the front ofme. His thumb found the split of my nether lips through my panties. He pressedthe nub of my clit with just his thumb, his hot tongue stroking over mine.
“Gil--” I started but he shook hishead.
“Shh. This isn’t happening. Hush,Jenny.”
I hushed and tried to remember tobreathe when his fingers slipped below the elastic of my panties. I tried notto cry with relief and gratitude and arousal when he dipped a finger into mycunt and painted my throbbing clit with my own juices. I pushed my hand to hisfly, feeling his cock and he backed up a step. “Don’t do that. Stay still.Don’t move.” The way he said it, I knew to obey.
I dropped my hand and pushed it to thewall. I stood there, legs splayed as he rubbed circles over my clit, his mouthtraveling my throat, my lips, my shoulders. Gil sucked my nipple through mytee, the heat and moisture of his mouth surrounding that small, hard bit ofskin. It was so intense I felt my knees go. That intimate action but with thebarrier of cotton between us. His fingers stroked me and the orgasm in my pussyswelled with each stroke of his finger.
“Let me touch you,” I begged him. Hethrust two big fingers into my cunt and fucked me, pinning me to the wall withhis hips as his fingers delved deep into me. I wished for all the world that itwas his cock he was shoving into me, but I knew better than to say. I couldfeel the unspoken warning in the air.
“No,” he said an that was all. Not whyit was a no--just a no.
I shook my head but stopped arguing asGil thrust deeper with his thick fingers, brushing my G-spot with a final firmstroke, his thumb pinning my clit with a wet, perfect pressure. I came, headthrown back, fingers clawing at the dark paneling in my hallway. Gil’s mouthcovered mine and he swallowed my cries, his hand moving like warm silk over mypussy until the last spasm worked through me and I hung my head.
He kissed my nose and straightened mypanties, my tee. “Goodnight, Jenny. Sleep well,” he said, head down. And thenhe left before I could mention the thing that had just not happened.
* * * *
I heard Carl coming, his drunkenshuffle audible, about an hour and a half later. I lay there staring at hestreet lights dappling the ceiling and daydreaming about tiptoeing down andcrawling into the marital bed with Gil. I tortured myself wondering if Gil wasdown there thinking of me. Or had he fallen asleep, the smell of me on hisfingers. Or my favorite, he’d gone down there and he’d beaten off, licking thetaste of me off his fingertips as he came.
When Carl curled himself against meand spooned
