As she took aim again, I finally leaped from the barstool and dived for the gun, knocking it away. Chrissy Bernhardt fainted, and I caught her, just scooped her up and held her there, her cheek resting on my shoulder, her flowing hair tickling my neck. Which is how my picture came to be plastered on page one of The Miami Herald, a beautiful, unconscious woman in my arms, a dumb, gaping look on my face. Beneath the photo, the caption "Lawyer disarms gun-toting model—too late." Story of my life: a step too slow.
Concussion Zone
"Patricide," Doc Charlie Riggs said with distaste. "A crime of biblical dimensions."
"And mythical," I added.
"Oedipus, of course," Charlie said. "And let's see now . . ."
Talking to the retired coroner is like playing poker with ideas, and today it was my turn to deal. "Orestes," I told him. It isn't often I get the upper hand on Charlie, so I milked it. "Orestes beheaded his mother, Clytemnestra, for plotting the death of his father, Agamemnon."
"Yes, of course. Very good, Jake. Very good, indeed."
He gave me his kindly teacher look. It's fun proving that I didn't spend five years at Penn State for nothing, if you'll pardon the double negative. My freshman year, I was drafted by the Thespian Club to play Big Jule in a student production of Guys and Dolls, mostly because the other actors had the physique of Michael J. Fox. It was fun, and it prompted me to switch my major from phys. ed. to drama, where I specialized in playing large, dumb guys. Yeah, I know, type casting. My favorite part was Lennie in Of Mice and Men, and I still remember hearing sobs in the audience when I asked George to tell me about the little place we'd get, and there was George pulling the gun out of his pocket. "And I get to tend the rabbits," I said, and George was pointing the gun at the back of my head, and the people in the audience were sniffling and bawling. I wish Granny could have been there.
Anyway, here I was—two careers later—still acting, but this time for judges and juries. At this precise moment, I was listening as my old friend told me about the autopsy report, which his friends at the county morgue had slipped him last night.
The gunshots should not have killed Harry Bernhardt, Doc Riggs told me. Would not have killed him if he hadn't had a heart condition. Seventy-five percent blockage of two coronary arteries due to a lifetime of Kentucky bourbon, Cuban cigars, and Kansas beef.
"The shock of the shooting set loose a burst of adrenaline," Charlie said, leafing through the report. "Combined with the blockage, that could have killed him instantly."
"But it didn't," I protested. "He survived. The surgery was supposedly successful."
"Sure, the bullets were removed, the bleeding stopped. But, between the shooting and the surgery, the system had taken some brutal shocks, especially for a man with damaged arteries. While recovering in the ICU, the unfortunate Mr. Bernhardt went into spontaneous ventricular fibrillation. The muscle fibers of the heart weren't getting enough oxygen." Charlie opened and closed his fist rapidly to demonstrate. "The heart was literally quivering, but no blood was being pumped. Cardiac arrest followed. The Code Blue team attempted to resuscitate and defibrillate but was unsuccessful. Death was imminent."
"But he was fine when they put him into the ambulance," I said.
"Fine?" Charlie raised a bushy eyebrow. It was a look he'd used hundreds of times to tell jurors that the lawyer questioning him was full of beans. Charlie Riggs had been medical examiner of Dade County for twenty-five years before retiring to fish the Keys and drink Granny Lassiter's moonshine. Now, he was sitting in my office high above Biscayne Boulevard, giving me the benefit of his wisdom, without charging me a fee, except for a promised Orvis graphite spinning rod. A small bandy-legged man with an unruly beard, he wore eyeglasses fastened together with a bent fishhook. A cold meerschaum pipe was propped in the corner of his mouth. "Fine?" he repeated. "Mr. Harry Bernhardt was leaking blood from three bullet wounds. Four, if you count both the thigh and the penis, which were hit with the same bullet."
"Let's count the penis. I would if it were mine." I riffled through the paramedics' report and the hospital records. "But he survived the surgery, which stanched the bleeding and removed the bullets. He was in critical but stable condition in the ICU for two hours after he was patched up."
"What are you getting at, counselor?"
"The heart attack could have been independent of the shooting. Maybe I can get Socolow to charge her with aggravated assault, instead of—"
"You can't represent her! You're a witness."
"Me and a hundred others, plus a security videotape that caught the whole thing. I already talked to Socolow. He said he'd rather have me as an opposing lawyer than a witness."
"If I were you, I wouldn't take that as a compliment."
"Socolow's been wrong before. Besides, Ms. Christina Bernhardt asked me to represent her."
"What'd you do, slip your card into her bra when she was passed out?"
"Wasn't wearing a bra, Charlie. Panties, either."
"Good heavens!"
"It's a model thing. Interferes with the smooth flow of fabric on skin."
Charlie Riggs looked at me skeptically. "Just when did you become an expert on models?"
"Rusty MacLean taught me a few things. Actually, he's the one who retained me. He's her agent, promises to pay the tab."
"Better get a hefty retainer from that weasel," Charlie advised, "or you'll never see a dollar."
"Hey, Rusty's an old friend. He introduced me to every after-hours watering hole in the AFC East and many of the women therein."
"Even in Buffalo?"
"Especially in Buffalo. What else is there to do?"
Charlie harrumphed his displeasure.
