I was given a new dole officer and she was very kind. She asked me, ‘What was the course like?’
‘In all honesty I would love to give you one good remark but it was a complete waste of time. They didn’t amend anything on my CV. I didn’t learn anything. I just felt like I was there helping everybody else.’
‘Sorry to hear that. If you can fill this form in and bring it in next time I can pass these remarks on. Right then … actually, I’m afraid it’s flagging on my screen that there’s another course you need to attend. It’s only two days and it’s on customer service skills. There’s no way of getting around it.’
It was a dark period in my life and there were days I’d not get up out of bed and I’d just cry while scrolling through my computer on the Universal jobs page. I really feel for people who are trying hard but there’s just nothing out there for them. At the dole office, I’d get talking to people while I was waiting. I remember there was one man who hadn’t been able to get a job in eighteen months. He was only in his thirties. He’d literally worked every day since he was sixteen and he had been made redundant. Now he was applying for jobs, and he was just like, ‘It’s so frustrating. I want to work, but I come in here, and I feel like some people are looking at me like, “Oh God, you’re so lazy.”’
I think there’s a stigma attached to job seekers, especially because of the programmes that are on telly now. Like in Britain on Benefits, they’re literally zooming in on the one person that’s in the town centre having a can at eleven in the morning. Not everyone is like that, but they pigeonhole everyone. They’re like, ‘Right, this is what everybody’s like who’s on the dole.’
It makes people hate the unemployed for no reason. Everyone thinks that ‘those people’ are all the same. But obviously they’re not. I know you do get some people who fiddle the system and who can’t be bothered to work. I also know people who admit they think it’s more beneficial for them to be on the dole than to get up and go to work. But the majority of people are good people who do want to work, but the jobs are either just not out there for them or they’re unable to work for medical reasons.
It is hard; I hardly stepped foot out of the house for those five months. The only time I’d get out was if I went for a walk or a wander round the shops with my friends.
‘Oh, let’s go to Costa Coffee,’ they’d say. I’d be thinking, ‘Shit, even if I get a small coffee, it’s £1.40. God, I really want that hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows and salted caramel sauce, but it’s £3.60. I can’t afford that.’ I’d end up sitting there without a drink, pretending I wasn’t thirsty. It was hard being twenty-two and not being able to go out with your friends. Me mam and dad offered to pay but I felt bad taking handouts.
They knew I was trying my best. But it was still just dreadful. I’d cry constantly. I’d be sat at the laptop, day in and day out. I couldn’t go out anywhere because I had no money to do anything with. Then you’re just seeing the same jobs over and over again that you’ve already applied for.
I had eight CVs. One for sales, one for customer care and so on. I just really wanted something. Anything. It was so demoralising.
I was like, ‘God, Mam, why won’t anyone give me an interview? I feel worthless.’
So then I’d rearrange my CV and she would say, ‘Scarlett, I’ve read it, and it’s fine.’
I even contemplated lying on my CV to get a job. ‘Mam, I’m nearly over my overdraft limit, surely other people must be lying on their CV? We all tell little fibs.’ But I knew they could check up, and then I’d be in trouble. See, the upside of having rough times is that it does teach you not to take anything for granted and to count your blessings when things do go well. Remember that when things aren’t going completely the way you intended, you’re allowed to scream, you’re allowed to cry, but you are not allowed to give up.
In all honesty, like a lot of students when they first finish education in college or university, I didn’t really know what exactly I wanted to do. I just knew I wanted to help people. I think sometimes when you have a certain qualification or a dream job in mind you can focus solely on that one pathway to get the job you want and dismiss anything else that comes your way. But sometimes you have to take a more circuitous route.
Eventually, I got a job at a mobile phone store selling contracts (which I ended up loving). Which strangely took me to my next job sorting out students’ finance. Which then led me nicely on to my dream job at the time of assessing medical evidence and helping disabled students. So I did get there in the end.
Sometimes, because we live in a world that moves very fast and we can get what we desire with a click of a button, or we stalk through people’s lives (seeing what they want us to see) on social media, where they appear to have your dream job and dream life, we are harsh on ourselves. But we need to realise that life isn’t always that straightforward and it doesn’t matter if our own path takes
