‘A Cabbage Patch Kid, please.’ And obviously, the next day I got one. I remember thinking, ‘Oh thank you, Santa. You listened!’
A few weeks before the big day, I’d always write a wish list for my parents, or I would get the Argos catalogue and just circle everything. My mam would be like, ‘Pick ten presents that you really want, put a star next to them, and just circle another ten in case Santa can’t get the ones with the stars next to them.’
But I’d just be like flicking through and saying, ‘Want that, and that and that.’ In the end, I circled everything in the toy section.
One year I remember getting a toy kitchen. It had a little microwave and little pretend pans and pretend slices of pizza. I was always playing on that. I think that is the only time that I’ve ever enjoyed spending time in the kitchen. It’s certainly the only time that my mam has ever heard me say, ‘Do you want some food?’ All she hears now is: ‘Can I order you something?’
I bet she’s like, ‘Where’s that little girl gone, the girl who just loved to cook my pretend pizza in a pretend oven?’
The other Christmas present I loved was Mr Frosty. That was a snowman which made slushies. You’d put in ice and water and freeze it. Then you’d move Mr Frosty’s arm up and down, and it would make a slushy. Oh my God, that was amazing.
I loved things like that. I was such a geek as a kid, and now my little sister’s exactly the same, which I’m really pleased about. It means that now at Christmas I can give her those things as well. One year, for instance, I gave her a microscope.
I remember getting a microscope when I was younger. It had slides containing half-insects and stuff. Then I’d write down all my observations. Things like, ‘Fly, definitely dead. Chopped in half.’
I’d also get those chemistry kits where you could add bicarbonate of soda to water and observe the reaction. I’m delighted that my little sister likes things like that now.
In addition, every Christmas I got an art kit from Argos. You’d open it up and exclaim, ‘Oh my God, I’m like the real Neil Buchanan. I am from Art Attack.’ That’s how I felt when I got it.
At first, my parents would give me a big pad of A4 drawing paper, all wrapped up. I’d be over moon. ‘Yes, I know what’s coming next! I’ve got the paper, but I’ve got no art stuff.’
And then I’d open the next present, and it would have all the felt tips and the wax crayons and the stencils and the paint – which you were never allowed to use. Everything was circular. Oh my God, I used to love stuff like that.
I feel like actually now that’s what kids miss out on. Now it’s all about technology. It’s all about watching stuff on YouTube or iPads or laptops, whereas as a kid, I loved just drawing. I could spend hours doing that. I think that has been lost a bit.
Also, I feel we’ve lost our passion for actual board games. I remember getting really excited about Frustration and Mouse Trap. I’d always play those games and then give up halfway through. No one ever won, because you’d just get bored of it or have an argument.
I’d be thinking, ‘I’ve being playing Monopoly for three hours now – or is it three weeks?’ Or I’d be playing Cluedo and saying to myself, ‘I’m actually going to kill someone soon. Just pass me the lead pipe now. I’m going to be the one with the candlestick in this living room in a minute if we don’t stop playing this game. They solve real-life crimes quicker than we play this.’
I much prefer Christmas songs. My favourite is ‘All I Want for Christmas’. It’s one of those songs that when it comes on and you’re drunk and with all the girls, you’re all like, ‘Yeah!’ You think you can hit the high notes. You’re holding it and waving your fingers around. We’re all looking at each other, like, acknowledging each other and thinking, ‘We’re hitting the high notes, and we’re amazing.’
Every year, when I have a drunken sing-song with my friends like that, we all shout in unison, ‘We should form a band!’
Then the person who doesn’t think they are a good singer says, ‘I can be the manager!’
Someone else says, ‘I’ll be the roadie!’
‘And I can drive the van!’
And we’re all like, ‘Why have we never thought of it before? Why have we been ignoring this talent all these years?’
So we spend every Christmas thinking of a really shit girl band name. We always used to say that we would be called Girls Are Allowed. I’d say, ‘That’s amazing. The name is similar but not quite the same. Will people think we are a tribute band, Nicola?’
‘No, they’ll know that it’s not. It’s a totally original thing.’
‘I know. When we write “Girls Are Allowed”, we won’t actually use the word “are”, but the letter R, backwards. That’s really quirky: Girls R (backwards) Allowed.’
I always feel really blessed because I know that a lot of people don’t have that wonderful family and friend bonding time at Christmas. Sadly, these days that’s not always the case, is it? A lot of families split up and move away and lose touch sometimes as well.
Our Christmas is very informal. It’s not like we have to get dressed up or anything. We all just chill out in our comfies and slippers. But it’s still such a special time of year.
Even though our family meet all the time – it’s not like we haven’t seen each other all year – it still feels different at Christmas. My mam sees my auntie and my nanny every day, and whenever I’m home I always go and see them. But Christmas is
