More than anything, he wanted Lily to be happy and healthy. Remaining entwined with his family would threaten her chances at both. She needed to move on. If he dictated that decision, however, their split would be even harder on her. And, he knew, she would assume that he’d developed feelings for Cora.
“I love you,” he said unintentionally. Too much to keep you.
Her shoulders slumped, and she released a single, strangled whimper. “I love you too.”
Ignoring reason, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply.
She responded with an intensity that shocked—and guilted—him.
“I don’t know if I can handle this stress,” she said, burying her head against the front of his jacket.
Finn pressed his cheek against the damp hair atop her head. “You shouldn’t have to.”
“It was so horrible, seeing her tied up like that. And you.”
He hugged her tighter. His own brother, who soon might die because of Finn’s reckless retribution. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” she said, leaning away.
“If I hadn’t lost my shit after he punched me, Kristian would be fine right now.”
“He was only there in the first place because of me.” She shook her head in frustration. “Do you know the worst part?”
He tensed, waiting for her to continue. There had been so many worst parts.
“When Rollie announced that the project was over, I was disappointed. It’s so wrong, but throughout all this, I couldn’t help but think that maybe, eventually, they’d find a way to cure cancer with her immune system. I was even fantasizing about us starting a family.”
Wishing he could fill the hollowness he knew she felt because of her infertility, Finn slid his hand between her coat and sweater to rub her lower back.
“In that moment,” she said, sobbing, her face hidden against his jacket, “I was as bad as Kristian.”
Finn stepped back to look into her russet, reddened eyes. “Don’t ever think that. You’ve been through so much. It’s natural that you didn’t want to lose a reason to hope.”
She returned her head to his chest, and he rubbed her back again.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, her voice muffled, and Finn’s hand froze.
“I’ve always felt uncomfortable around your dad, even before last summer.”
Cocking his head in surprise, Finn waited for her to continue.
“When you’re not around he asks me really probing questions, about my childhood, our relationship, stuff like that. I’m sure he assumed that I thought he was just making small talk, since he didn’t know you’d told me about the project. But given what I did know, it always felt too intense.” She bit her lip, coated in a cinnamon-smelling gloss. “While I’ve got my own legit reasons for not wanting to get married, the vibes I get from your dad haven’t helped.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you liked him.”
Lily sighed. “It’s complicated. Most of the time, the way he treats me is what I always wanted from a dad. And you were so happy that we got along. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“I know,” she said, brushing back her windblown hair. “I’m sorry. Right now, though, I’m not just worried about your family’s screwed up values. I’m also worried about myself. I still find myself wondering what it would be like if your brother and dad succeeded. We could have a family then. Two kids? Or three? Is that sick?”
“No, not at all,” Finn choked out. “We should be parents.”
She wiped her eye, smearing her makeup. To Finn she looked no less stunning.
He held her chin in his hand. “Let’s do it.”
Immediately he regretted the comment. A child would fix nothing. Not to mention: he should be helping her realize that she should move on, not giving her more reasons to stay. He shifted gears: “You are nothing like them. You’re a good, kind, beautiful person.”
“But not as beautiful as Cora,” she blurted out, then cringed. “That came out wrong.”
Finn gripped her shoulder. “I told my dad that Cora loves me so that he’d remember she’s human, too. I was desperate to get him to stop. It’s not even true.”
“I gathered that’s why you said it. But it’s got to be true! She’s just as much a woman as me, and all the reasons I’m attracted to you, she must see, too. And she’s so lonely. How could she not love you?”
“Because I’m a Gettler,” he said, thinking of his brother, now at her mercy. Although he was furious at Kristian, he couldn’t simply dissolve the bond they’d developed over Finn’s lifetime. The thought of Kristian stuck on that island, separated from his family while pathogens festered within him, made Finn feel queasy.
“He might be okay,” Lily said, evidently sensing his distress.
“I hope so.” Finn wiped the light rain from his forehead. Rollie had told them that Kristian’s body might be compatible with her immunities, given their matching blood type. Right now, Finn didn’t want to think about the alternative.
“It doesn’t matter if Cora loves me or not. I love you.” The words had escaped before he’d remembered that he shouldn’t be convincing her to stay with him.
Fully aware of all the reasons he shouldn’t, he leaned down to kiss her, and tasted cinnamon.
She responded passionately, then abruptly pulled away. “I know you love me, not her. The fact that she’s so contagious means she’s not a threat, which makes me feel guilty. Again.”
“Lils, you’re the only one for me,” he said automatically, wrapping his arms more tightly around her. But she’ll be better off without me, he reminded himself and loosened his hold. “I want you to be—”
“If Kristian survives,” Lily said, cutting him off, “you won’t be able to walk away from Cora. She’ll need you on her side.”
Finn felt the onset of a headache. Lily was right: now that he understood his true role within his family, he couldn’t shirk the responsibility.
“Your relationship with her won’t—can’t—stay platonic,” she said, staring past him.
“Why would you say that?”
“One of two things will
