“Mase…wait.”
Trixie’s voice had me turning back, and even though I’d been in the same room with her all night, the wind was knocked from me as soon as I laid eyes on her.
She rushed toward me.
“I’m not good company, kitten,” I said as I headed for my car, purposely using the name I knew would get a rise from her, that would send her away from me.
“You can’t drive, you’ve been drinking.”
“Only had one beer.”
She followed me to my car, grabbing my arm when I reached for the door handle. “Mase…wait.”
I spun around. “Spending any more time with you isn’t a good idea, sweetheart, not right now.”
She didn’t let me go and moved closer. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
I was breathing hard, just being this close to her fucked me up. I waited for her to say whatever it was she wanted to say so I could get the hell away from her, away from here.
Her gaze searched mine. “You don’t really believe what you said back there, do you?”
“About what?”
“You think a happy marriage…relationships aren’t possible?”
“I never took you for the kind of girl who’d believe in all that love and marriage bullshit.”
She blinked up at me.
And I wanted to roar in frustration. She wanted me, and I sure as fuck wanted her. But I couldn’t give her or anyone else more than what we’d done the night we met. I craved her, all of her, but I couldn’t have her. I’d only hurt her.
“I don’t know what I believe,” she finally said.
“That’s because you’re still so fucking young. You’re still figuring out that it’s all bullshit.”
“You don’t believe that, Mason.”
At the sound of my name on her lips, soft and hesitant, I snapped. “Why do you care, kitten? You want a crack at fixing me?”
She blinked up at me. “No, I never said…”
“I want you,” I gritted out, sick of pretending. “So fucking bad, Trixie. Every damn night I think about what we did in that motel room. I want you in my bed. I want to hold you down and fuck you until neither one of us can stand.” I cupped the side of her face. “You want me too, don’t you?” I said.
“Yes,” she said without even a moment’s hesitation.
“But you also know, we have to ignore it?” I rasped.
“Yes,” she said, again without any hesitation.
“You want to live free, and I will never be able to give all of myself to anyone.” I leaned in, unable to resist breathing her in. “You have no idea how badly I wish things were different. But you’re too damn young, and I’m too damn messed up. We give in to this, yeah, it’d be wildfire. But eventually, maybe you’d want more from me, and I don’t have it to give. Or I’d want you to stick around, and you’d be forced to either give up your freedom, your dream of traveling, or you’d leave me behind. There is no happy ending here. In the end, we’d only hurt each other.”
She didn’t move, her pulse fluttering madly at the side of her throat. I wanted to suck on it, taste her, take her home and fuck her in my bed.
“You know I’m right,” I said.
“Yeah,” she whispered. She glanced away and back. “Are you going to ask Deb out?”
“Not interested in Deb.”
She nodded. “Right.”
“I’m not in a position to date anyone, and if I was, you know damned well it wouldn’t be Deb.” I brushed my thumb over her cheek. “Christ, kitten, I need you to know as fucked as I am now, I was a lot worse before you walked into that bar. That night with you, was the best for me as well. You shook me up, brought me back from the dark. No matter what happens in the future, no matter where you are, I will never, never forget you or one single moment of the night we shared either.” Her note telling me she’d never forget me was still in my wallet, and I’d never throw it away.
She stared into my eyes. Hers were wide and sad like the first time I saw her.
“This sucks,” she whispered.
A broken laugh escaped, surprising the hell out of me. “Yeah, it fucking does.”
Chapter Nine
Trixie
The Mule was packed with people and the band Bull got in was killing it.
Addy, Eves, and Lila were dancing their butts off around me, and I was…well, I was trying. Addy spun me, and I laughed and spun back. Usually, a night out with my girls, I didn’t need to try, but I just wasn’t feeling it tonight.
Ross had texted this morning, apologizing for not making it, and letting me know that he wouldn’t make it next weekend either. Of course he wouldn’t. He’d also hit me up for more money. I knew better than to get my hopes up, but I had. So stupid.
And I hadn’t talked to Mase in a week. We’d waved at each other through his kitchen window, and a few times when he got back after his run. Once when I’d been doing yoga in the yard, and a couple times, he’d driven past me on the street, but I hadn’t knocked on his door and he hadn’t knocked on mine.
It was for the best. We both knew where we stood. There was no way anything could happen between us. No way it could work, but that didn’t mean the chemistry between us had vanished into thin air. No, it crackled even from a distance.
Which was why we were staying away from each other; we’d both decided not to tempt fate.
But, god, I wanted him. And…I missed him.
Living a stone’s throw from him wasn’t helping. Unfortunately, the guy I was buying the land from had horses grazing on it and needed time to find somewhere else
