My heart was beating rapidly, but my parents were oblivious, thank goodness.
The youngest boy kept looking. He was about twelve, and I almost felt I recognized that look in his eye. It seemed to go beyond just a mild fascination. "Stop staring at him," his mother whispered.
"Well, I better be getting back," I said. "I have finals I have to study for."
"Finals?" Dad asked.
"I'm taking college classes."
"College?" Dad said. "What about high school?"
"I graduated. Didn't you get my letters?"
Dad couldn't read, so he was dependent on Sharon to read them to him.
"I must have forgotten," Sharon said. "Well, anyway. We better get going."
"OK," I said, ushering them past the family that was still gawking at me.
I regretted that I couldn't bring myself to tell them I was gay, but I'd get another chance the following day, when my brother Rick came to see me.
Like Dad and Sharon, Rick stopped to visit Bobby first. The Reformatory was on the way, and he didn't want to backtrack.
"Well, I'm glad you finally made it," I said.
"I've been really busy."
"I've noticed. How's Bobby doing?"
"He's having a hard time," Rick said. "Some inmates ran a hustle on him when he first got there." An inmate stopped in front of Bobby's cell and asked him to hold a package, and before Bobby could say anything, the guy tossed it into him. Then, right after count, another con stopped by saying the first guy told him to come pick it up. Bobby gave it to him, only to have the first guy come back, a few minutes later, wanting his shit.
"I gave it to the other guy," Bobby said.
"Who?" the inmate demanded, but Bobby didn't know who he was.
Rick said, "It's one of the oldest con games they play on a fish."
"Well, maybe not the oldest," I said, knowingly.
"Whatever," Rick said. "Since Bobby couldn't identify the guy who came and got the package, they threatened to kill him if he didn't come up with the money to replace it."
"What's he going to do?"
"Sharon took care of it," Rick said. "She sent him the money."
Of course she did, she was his mother. I didn't say anything. But surprisingly, I wasn't angry with Sharon. Where was my mother?
Given how Sharon went after that lawyer for me, I'm sure that if she knew what was happening to me, there would have been hell to pay. But it would take many years before I could talk about it with anyone, so for once, I didn't blame Sharon.
"The only problem with that is they probably won't just let it go," Rick said. "Especially not after Bobby fell for it and paid the money. Since he's shown himself as a sucker, they'll think there's more where that came from."
"It's easy to sit back and call the shots, nova', Rick." The anger was boiling up in me, because this was typical of him, and I wasn't so enamored by his wisdom anymore.
"Well, they're also giving him a hard time because of you," he said, matter of factly.
"What do you mean?" I asked, fearing the worst.
We both knew what he meant, so Rick didn't need to say another word.
"Anyway, I need to get going. Belinda has been on the rag lately, and I really need to head out."
"But you just got here," I said. I had planned to talk to him about a lot of things.
"Yeah, but I had to wait out front for over an hour before they brought you out, and the same thing happened with Bobby. I don't want to get stuck in rush hour."
It was already 2:30, and he was a good two hours from home.
"Whatever," I said, disappointed. The fifteen dollars would go a long way in the commissary. "Thanks for the tokens."
"I'm on the prison newspaper," I added, in a quick attempt to win his respect before he left.
Rick nodded. "Well, I'll see you then."
I walked him to the front of the visiting room.
"Tell Belinda I said hello."
"I will." And then, just as the first set of bars started to slide open, Rick turned and hugged me. He had never done that before, and prison was the last place I'd have expected a hug from him-especially after what he'd heard about me being gay.
"Take care of yourself, little brother."
"I'll try," I squeaked out.
As he left me alone, I retreated back inside myself, to the only place where I knew it was safe.
As I came out of the control center and turned down the walkway toward A-unit, I saw Rick was still out in the parking lot, on the other side of the fence. He was leaning against the side of his new van, smoking a cigarette and staring at the ground. He looked lost in thought. I was about to holler to him, but then saw someone get out of his van and walk around to him. Whoever she was, she put her arms around his shoulder and kissed him on the side of his head. Rick kept staring down.
I suddenly knew why his wife Belinda had been "on the rag," but what I didn't know was why he felt he couldn't tell me.
32
Wolf Tickets
I was always afraid of the ball, so when the pitcher threw a curve ball that came at me from the inside I closed my eyes and fell back into the dirt.
"Strike," the umpire yelled, as the kids, and parents in the stands laughed. For once, I was glad my parents weren't there to witness my humiliation.
One time, Igot the courage to step up to the plate and face my fears head on. I leaned back on my right leg, and extended my left, like I had seen aguy do in the majors. No matter what happened, I was notgoing to step back or fall out of the batter's box.
"Give me your best shot," I snarled.
