I've shoved the events of that night so far down in a little padlocked box inside that it's almost like it never happened.
Apart from I know it did. The memories are all too real.
I'd wanted to tell Mia when I went to her place. I’d wanted to confess. But then I looked into her soft eyes, saw the excitement within them about my being there, and I couldn't do it.
I hate that she already thinks I'm one of them, despite knowing I don't want to be. If I told her that, would she even have let me stay?
I'm a monster for doing what I did.
I'm no different than him.
"Those orders come from above, Bex. Whether Cade is here or not. There are some things that, no matter what we manage to achieve, will always stay the same."
Whether Cade is here or not.
"Are you trying to get rid of him?" I hiss.
"Don't," he warns a second before Ashton strolls into the kitchen behind us.
"Ladies, how's it hanging?" he drawls. "Got some banging fucking pussy in the den. Come check it out."
My mouth goes dry at his suggestion as images I don't need from previous experiences with girls in the den play on my mind.
"We'll be right there. Just grabbing some food."
"Good plan, man. You're gonna need it. They're fucking wild."
Ashton grabs his junk through his sweats and backs out of the room.
"He's a douchebag," I mutter under my breath, making Channing bark out a laugh.
"Putting it mildly. He's a motherfucking leech. Shouldn't even be here. Here, eat up. Like he said, you're probably going to need it."
"You're right. I have my suspicions that I’m not going to want to stay down long."
The music and voices get louder as we move toward the den. Channing slips inside as if it's just another day in hell for him, while I come to a stop in the doorway, my eyes briefly running over everything that's happening before me, searching her out.
I want to say that I relax when I find her, but that would be a lie because she's tucked into Cade's side. Her hand is high up on his thigh, while he has her skirt bunched up and her ass in his palm.
My stomach churns, watching him touch what's mine, and I know immediately that I made the right call with the food. There's nothing in my stomach right now, and I already feel like retching.
"Easton, come in. What do you fancy? Blonde, brunette, redhead?" He points with his chin toward the girls, and I reluctantly follow his instruction.
Ashton and Brandon are, unsurprisingly, knuckle deep in two of the six girls that are littered around the room. The girls moan loudly—fakely—as they play with them.
But it's when my eyes land back on Alex that they nearly fall out of my head.
"What have you given him?" I growl, ripping my eyes away from him and the two girls on the couch on the other side of the room.
"Me?" Cade asks as if he's totally innocent. "I haven’t given him anything. All his own doing."
I take a step toward him as one of the girls, the one who's sitting on his face, falls over the edge. Her hands lift, cupping her naked breasts, tugging at her nipples like she doesn’t have an entire roomful watching her while the other sucks Alex off.
"Leave him," Cade growls, making me stop my advance. "He's just enjoying himself. You really should do the same. Shelly and Grace over there are experts at making things seem that much better. Right, girls?"
Cade nods at them and they immediately start stalking toward me.
At least these two are still fucking dressed.
Mia isn't looking at me right now—she hasn't since the moment I appeared—but as the girls approach, I feel her eyes shift to me.
"Hey, big boy. You ready to play?" one of them purrs, making my lips curl in disgust.
I'm sure they're both very beautiful underneath the layers upon layers of makeup.
"I'm good right now. I really need to go shower before…" I trail off, knowing that nothing is going to happen here.
"Aw, that's okay, sweetie. You smell pretty fresh to me," the other says, leaning in and pressing her nose to my neck.
"If you'll excuse me…" I take a huge step back from them. "Maybe make use of each other if you're that desperate. Give Kingsley a nice little show."
I have no idea if they accept my challenge, and I really don't give a fuck as I march toward the door.
"Easton," Cade barks. I stop, but I don't look around. I can't. I can't see him with his hands on my girl right now.
I'm barely holding on as it is.
"You're an ungrateful sonofabitch, you know that?" he barks. "All of this is for you. You must be going crazy, not getting your dick wet now."
Shaking my head, I storm away and to the stairs.
One question rings out in my mind as I leave the disaster happening in that room behind.
If it weren't for Mia, would I have been like Alex and just caved in to temptation?
I want to say no, but there would have been nothing stopping me. It's not like I haven't had issues saying no in the past. That thought is one of the reasons I don't turn toward my own room when I get to the top of the stairs, but Sasha's.
I knock and wait for her to call out.
"Hey," I say softly, slipping into the room and closing the door behind me.
She's laid on her bed, already in pajamas, her eyes blown and her little tin sitting beside her along with discarded textbooks.
"Is it still going on down there?" she asks, although I think she already knows the answer because she doesn't allow me time to respond. "I tried to get her away, but he wasn't having any of it."
I nod at her, because I have no doubt she's telling the truth.
"Channing joining in?" she asks sadly.
"H-he… he um… he's in the room, but that was as much
