They both stared at me in silence for some time, my eyes jumping between them. Alicia looked unconvinced but, like teacher’s pet, her eyes drifted to Nate and waited for his reaction. She’d just agree with whatever he said. I felt like climbing over the asylum wall to steal into the apple orchards, just so I could grab one for her to give Nate.
Hmm. I’m starting to sound a little jealous because she’s now a star pupil too and defers to him so much. I really should wind it back a bit.
Still doesn’t change that she’s a kiss ass though.
“I see where you’re coming from,” he said eventually, though his tone suggested he wasn’t convinced. “We’ll have to have a think on this.”
“What are we going to do about this bunch of cock rots then? They’re just going to keep pillaging the area.”
Nate sighed. “I know you want to do something, Erin, but this isn’t the Bancrofts. This isn’t a small-time operation where most of their combative force were just dumb thugs. Down there are real veterans most likely, or people with more of an affectation for weapons. They’re also organised with those numbers, and I could see on one of the fields they were putting trainees through physical paces. This is an entirely different prospect, almost paramilitary in its organisation. We need to listen and learn.”
“Fuck that, Nate,” I said. Alicia nearly fainted with my ‘insubordination’ as she probably saw it. “We could sit here for days or weeks on end and learn absolutely nothing by radio traffic alone. They seem to keep it to a minimum.”
“I need to learn names, ranks, structure, and watch how much they come in and out to see if there is any regularity or patterns we can anticipate. We have no knowledge at all to work with, and we can’t just blindly take on a force of this size. That’s just stupid. Truthfully, we might never clash with these people again. We’re far enough away.”
I shook my head again. “No way, Nate. No way. We can’t just do nothing and allow them to range out and kill innocents.”
“We’re not the guardians of this world, Erin. We’re not responsible for every life.” Nate gave me a look that pleaded with me to be reasonable. “We can’t save everyone,” he added in a conciliatory tone. “Sometimes, it’s just not possible, no matter how much we want to.”
“I know, I’m not thick.” I looked the old marine dead in the eye. “But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fucking try.”
Again, he was quiet for a time. Alicia just bounced her head between us as we batted this back and forth. She’d just follow Nate’s lead no matter what, but I won’t. If I think he’s wrong, I’ll bloody well tell him.
Personally, I think it’s what makes us a good team. I’m impulsive, emotive, and idealistic. I’m not dumb, I realise I have these as flaws, and they can lead me astray into making some bad decisions. Too often I’m driven around by my heart, while my head is stoned in the passenger seat grinning like an idiot, tongue lolling out the window shouting, “Road trip! Woooooo!”
I’ve always worked on the premise that as long as I survive and I’m only putting myself at risk, bad decisions make the best stories.
Nate is a thinker. Practical, considered, logical, and rational. I tell him what I want to do, and he usually comes up with a way to do it that doesn’t get us killed. I think it’s a great partnership. Head and heart. Order and chaos. Yin and yang.
This time though, he stood his ground and played the veto card.
“Recon, Erin,” he said in a tone that brooked no further debate. “I’m going to come out here over the next couple of weeks, watch the settlement, and listen to the radio. I’m not getting involved in this fight until I know how to fight them.”
I huffed. “You can’t listen to the radio in the Humvee and watch from this hill at the same time.”
“I’ll come stay out here as well,” declared Alicia. “I’ll listen to the radio in the Humvee in a safe location and take detailed notes while Nate has eyes on them, and I can talk to Nate on our radios and relay the comms on our secure channel.”
It’s terrible to say it, but I felt like punching her in the nose at that moment. It was two on one and I wasn’t winning this. Nate’s expression said his heels were firmly dug in and I’d be the unstoppable force striking against his immovable wall if I pushed any further. It would just devolve into arguments and finger pointing, so this time, I gave Alicia a visible eye roll that said, “Of course you fucking will, suck up,” and let it drop.
I was in a bad mood, Freya. I feel bad about it now, but at the time I was pissed. No excuses, except that I have huge personality flaws that make me who I am, and I can’t change them, as I’d lose the core of what makes me… me. As long as I’m not an extreme asshole, I’m okay with it. I’m not one for hiding how I feel, for good or ill. Honesty is my jam.
“I’ll stay at the school a while then,” I grumbled. “However many days it is since we’ve been out searching, I imagine there hasn’t been much in the way of runs beyond their gate, so I’ll back up Dean in house clearing and resource gathering. You two can have your little cult-watching vacation. I’m not built for sitting around scratching my ass crack.”
I was pissed, okay? I can be a bell end when I’m angry or frustrated.
Nate just raised an eyebrow, and the conversation was over.
So, here we are, back at the lodge and tomorrow, Nate and Alicia are going out
