“Oh my God, Leon. What did you do?” I cried as I shook him again.
Except I already knew the answer to that. I just didn’t understand what possessed my brother to do it and how the hell he’d known where I’d stashed it. As I cradled my little brother’s still form, tears poured down my face.
Beating myself up, I begged God to help me.
I’d caught Leon with the shit when I’d returned home that day. Dad had come home from the gas station, and I didn’t have a chance to dispose of it, so I shoved it in my pillowcase. If only I hadn’t panicked. If only I’d disposed of it immediately, this wouldn’t have happened.
Why? Why hadn’t I flushed it?
EMS rushed into the house, and I got out of the way. As the paramedics worked on him, I fell back on my ass. Leaning against the bed in shock, I looked up as my mother burst into the room. The police officer who’d shown up with the ambulance grabbed her. She was screaming and crying as she fought to get to my brother.
“My baby! Oh my God, my baby! Let me go!” she sobbed.
Stunned disbelief overwhelmed me, and I struggled to breathe. Then I told myself I didn’t deserve to if Leon couldn’t. This was all my fault. My father was right. I was a fuckup.
When they loaded him up in the ambulance, they took off without sirens, and I knew.
My mother had insisted on riding with him, because I think she held out hope. I had none.
“Son, do you know anything about where your brother got the cocaine?” the officer asked me. Lifting my head, I met his concerned gaze and condemned myself to hell.
“I have no idea.”
1
Snow
“I’m Not Okay (I Promise)”—My Chemical Romance
(Luke Matthews, age 37)
“Hey P, I heard Cammie packed her shit and left town,” Reaper said as he sat at the bar next to me. He motioned to the bartender for a beer.
“Mm,” I grunted, not wanting to talk about it.
Cammie and I had had a good thing going for a while. We’d warmed each other’s beds, and there were no strings attached. At least, there weren’t until the day there were. It turned out she wanted more from me than I was willing to give. When I told her she was getting everything she’d ever get from me, she packed her shit and said she was moving to Oregon.
Guess she did.
Sure, I missed her, but it didn’t break my heart. Then again, it couldn’t, because I was pretty sure I didn’t have one anymore. At least not when it came to women. My club? My brothers? They had whatever part of my heart still existed.
Maybe that made me a cold bastard, but fuck it.
Joker elbowed Reaper, who glared at him. Like I wouldn’t notice. There was little that escaped my attention. They spoke quietly, and I chose to ignore them.
“How much longer you gonna be here?” Reaper asked. I shrugged.
“It’s still early, but don’t stay on my account. No one knows us here. I’ll be okay,” I told the boys. We were on our way home from Texas for Gunny’s wedding and had stopped for the night in Kansas. Still kind of ate at me that I lost both Lock and Gunny to the Central Texas chapter, but I understood why they needed to get away.
“Yeah, and then if things do go south, I’ll feel like a fucking piece of shit. No way. Not leaving my prez alone.” Reaper was staring at me with narrowed eyes. “Besides, I need to finish my beer.”
He raised the bottle in a mock salute with a cocky grin.
Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes. To appease them, I finished my drink. “Well, bottoms up. I’m done.”
Reaper and Joker both gave me a deadpan stare. Reaper blinked in irritation, and Joker chewed on the toothpick he kept in his mouth. He’d quit smoking a while back, and if he was around alcohol, he needed something to keep him from wanting to light up. I laughed and stood from my stool.
Tossing a twenty on the bar, I headed to the door. The scrape of stools behind me echoed through the small bar over the sound of the raggedy-ass jukebox they had. The one Gunny had was a hell of a lot better.
“Sometimes you’re a real dick,” Reaper grumbled.
“Most men would get their teeth knocked out for saying that,” I said as I raised a brow.
Again with the cocky grin, he said, “Guess it’s a good thing I’m not most men.”
I snorted as we walked outside and next door to our motel. Using the old-fashioned brass key, I opened my door. “You boys sleep tight. No hanky-panky tonight.”
They both shot me the bird before entering their room, laughing. I closed my door and sat on the edge of the bed. Both Reaper and Joker had ol’ ladies, so I wasn’t going to make them hang out in a bar with me all damn night, but I wasn’t fucking tired.
Figured I’d wait a bit, then head back next door. We weren’t in a hurry to leave in the morning, so I could sleep in. Tonight I simply needed to drink away some ghosts.
Alone.
After about thirty minutes of surfing through my phone and replying to messages from my buddy Venom and then my VP, Vinny, I sent a text to my mom so she wouldn’t worry. I wasn’t overly concerned about shit at home. Vinny was solid—I knew he had things covered. Even checking on my mother.
“No issues?” I asked when Vinny called. He wasn’t much for texting, so I wasn’t surprised.
“Depends on how you look at it,” he hedged.
“Explain,” I demanded, and he sighed.
“There was an overdose tonight. Some kid from over in Spirit Lake, but it happened here at his cousin’s place.”
“Fuck. Do we know what it was or where he got it?”
“That’s the weird thing.
