If Angela’s jaw hadn’t been attached to her skull, Emma was sure it would have clunked on the table.
“Did I just hear you right? He bores you? Are you out of your mind?”
“No. As a matter of fact, I think I’ve probably just found it.” She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans. Her heart was beating erratically with the knowledge she was taking another step off that unseen ledge, but she just couldn’t stop herself. The joy ride was just beginning but already she found it exhilarating. She wanted her mother to be happy for her but that may be a very long time coming. “As you were so kind to point out, I’m almost thirty and my life is predictable. Appropriate. I’ve never done one exciting thing in my life.”
Well, okay. One thing.
“Exciting?”
“Yes.” She wanted to wring her hands. “Can’t you try to understand?” she pleaded. “I want something more than I have right now. Is that so hard for you to comprehend? Look at me, Mom. Really look at me and listen.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Angela sounded truly bewildered. “What kind of exciting things do you want? You have a good job, a steady boyfriend. A settled life ahead of you. What is it you’re looking for?”
Emma could tell this whole conversation was pointless. There was no way she could explain what was happening with her when she was still coming to terms with it herself. She wanted empathy from her mother and instead she got platitudes. If she looked back over the years, she should have expected nothing else. Everything in Angela’s life had always been well-planned and well-ordered. It was her security. And she wanted the same thing for her daughter.
But that’s not me any more. How can I make her see that?
Emma let out a slow breath, clenching her fists in her pockets.
“Andrew is a very nice man, Mom, but he doesn’t, well, ring my chimes. And I really, really want to hear bells. Lots of them.”
“So let me get this straight.” Angela’s body was set in rigid lines, her eyes flashing disapproval. “You’re willing to throw away a good solid relationship at a time in your life when you should be married, for…for…what? Some unknown man?” She narrowed her eyes. “Or have you already met him? Is that what this is all about?”
Emma turned away again, afraid her expression might give something away and her mother would poke and prod until she got it out of her. That was a conversation she was hardly prepared for at the moment.
“Do you remember Jacie Caldwell? My college roommate?”
“Well, of course, darling. A really nice girl. But what does she have to do with this?”
“She’s Jacie Monroe now. Married, with a great husband that she obviously adores and a really cute kid. And a job she loves.”
Angela frowned. “That’s nice. But I still don’t understand. Wait. Did she call you? Say something to set you off on this?”
“No, Mom. But she came through town last week on her way to a business conference. And you know what?” Emma wanted to cry, thinking about it. Wishing Angela could understand what she was trying to tell her. “She had a sparkle in her eyes when she talked about her husband that I never get when I think of Andrew. And I want that sparkle. Is that so terrible?”
The silence in the room was so loud they might have been shouting.
Finally, Angela rose very slowly from the table, her face set in lines of disapproval. “I swear, Emma, I don’t know what to do here.”
“Nothing, Mom,” she cried. “There’s nothing for you to do except tell me you want me to be happy.”
“I thought you were. Apparently I was mistaken, and I don’t understand how.”
“Can’t you just let me be? Maybe you haven’t noticed but I’m no longer a kid who needs monitoring, for heaven’s sake.”
“We planned a good life for you, Emma, one that would give you security,” her mother pointed out. “You’ve been fine with it up to now. You should be smart enough to know that what make’s Jacie’s life good for her won’t necessarily work for you,”
Emma had to curl her hands into fists to maintain her control. She wasn’t getting her message across at all. “Didn’t you ever just want to take a chance? Do something that was wild and different? Shake up your life?”
“I have no idea what you mean, Emma.”
That was certainly the truth. Emma felt as if they were conversing in two different languages. She huffed in frustration. “Mom.”
“Why ever would I want to do that?” Puzzled, Angela shook her head. “Maybe it wasn’t such a good thing that Jacie came through and visited with you.”
“Look, I appreciate all that you and Dad have done for me. Really. But maybe I’ve realized there might be more to life than what I know and I want a chance to find it. To explore what else is out there.”
Angela studied her for a long moment then sighed. “Just be aware of the fact that when you’re through doing…whatever it is you’re doing, Andrew might not still be waiting.”
“I know you won’t understand this, but I hope he won’t be. I hope he moves on. Finds someone who really appreciates him.”
“Well.” Angela gathered up her purse and keys and headed for the door. “It’s obvious you don’t. Your father will have a fit. He really likes Andrew.”
“Then maybe he should be the one to marry him,” Emma snapped, and instantly regretted the words.
Her mother opened the door and never looked back, just walked out onto the porch and closed the door firmly.
Emma wanted to cry, not because things were over with Andrew but because she realized how impossible it was for her parents to understand her after all these years. Of course, she was just beginning to understand
