Nothing like another break with nowhere to go to do that to a girl.
After the Halloween costume party, I figured that things between Sterling and I are good—not that there really is anything between Sterling and I, but there was a moment there were at least they didn’t feel as weird anymore.
But I was wrong, apparently.
Every time I’m around him on campus, he keeps trying to play it cool as though things are fine when, quite clearly, they’re not. I don’t expect him to suddenly be some kind of open book with me, but I guess I expected more.
That was my first mistake.
I don’t know Sterling well, but I kick myself for thinking, even for a moment, that he won’t revert to his usual tactics. I’ve seen the way he treats girls.
Disposable.
Or, in my case, as if nothing ever happened at all.
In and of itself, this would be fine, except for the fact that most of the time he is very obviously trying to avoid me at all costs. I suddenly find I’m not crossing paths with him while walking across campus anymore or running into him to get coffee at the bookstore. Even in the class buildings and hallways, I barely ever see him.
It’s obvious and intentional, and as much as I keep trying to tell myself that I knew this was coming, I can’t stop wondering what’s going on with him. I need to know he’s okay, or at least going to be okay.
If that makes me a stupid girl, well then … I guess I’m a very stupid girl.
And I hate myself for it more than ever.
I see him a few times during lunch, but everyone else is always around so it makes it impossible to actually talk with him. The gala is scheduled for just a few nights after things resume following Thanksgiving break, and I am honestly not looking forward to it nearly as much as I thought I would be.
Not with the way Sterling’s shoulder slump like he’s sulking every time he thinks no one is looking—or how his fake smile turns even more plastic every time his gaze happens to meet mine.
I walk back to my dorm room alone after my last class and think about why I’ve been trying to get close to him to begin with. The whole point was supposed to be to learn more about him and his drug habit … to find anything that I could use against him in order to make him feel as miserable as he made me feel last term.
But judging by his turbulent and inconsistent behavior lately, he seems to be doing a good job of making himself feel miserable without any help from me. I’m not sure whether to be worried or upset, or to just go back to not caring and all and trying to figure out how best to bring him to his knees.
I decide that I will give it a bit more thought after my next volunteer shift.
That’s what I really need.
Space.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I ask Warren as I show up for my shift and see that there’s a whole horde of people that aren’t normally here.
He just shrugs.
“No idea, I just got here myself.”
“Okay everyone,” the front desk girl says to the crowd that Warren and I seem to be in the midst of. “So, you are all here to get a ‘first taste’ of the volunteering that you will be required to do when you become enrolled next semester. Well, except for Aubrey and Warren. You guys already are enrolled here. Which is why the two of you will be the trainers for our upcoming new students.”
“Wait, what?” I ask.
She gives me a scowl for questioning her authority in front of everyone. I thought that she and I had a mutual understanding, but apparently, I overestimated our acquaintanceship.
“Today,” she says as she directs her statement right toward me now. “You and Warren will train the rest of these guys how to do your volunteering jobs.”
“Does that mean that once they’re trained, we can leave, and they’ll do the rest of our volunteering hours for us?” Warren says sarcastically.
I snicker and she looks at me as if I have suddenly switched teams in the game.
“No, it means that you have extra work for today’s shift,” she answers punitively. “First, train the newbies, and then do your regular tasks.”
“But that is going to take us longer than the time we have allotted to our shifts,” I complain, glancing over my shoulder at the grounds outside the window.
“Then you can stay late tonight,” she says before turning to walk away.
Grossly underestimated our acquaintanceship.
I sigh and think about tomorrow’s exam that I still need to study for, and how this girl’s foul mood is going to end up costing me a grade. Warren and I look around at the others, there’s at least a half dozen of them. We decide to split the group and each take half of them, but we also decide to do the training together so that hopefully it will go faster.
For an assignment that’s literally just cleaning up the administrative building, I’m surprised by how much we end up having to cover. I hadn’t realized until now just how much Warren and I have been doing.
It actually makes me miss my once-a-week volunteering session at the retirement home. At least there I got to talk. Here, it’s all floor polish, fumes, and rubber gloves.
About halfway through the training, some of the prospective new enrollees seem to be getting their bearings and are able to start doing some of the menial tasks on their own, which Warren and I gladly let them do because it will lessen our load for the night. A couple of them still don’t seem to get what it is that they’re supposed to be doing though. They don’t seem all that bright if you ask me—but then again, most of the students here are the type
