My buddy’s shoulders slump, but the smile remains in his eyes. “Sorry guys, he’s still in California. Coming back next week though. But hey, guess what? You’re going to spend a whole, what is it?” Nax snatches the flyer up, reading, “Eight nights, so that’s Nine days with me when he gets here. Probably ten with layovers and time changes. Might be just me for a few of those days, but we’ll manage, right?”
Will walks up and takes the flyer. “What’s this?”
“Uh…” Nax looks at me.
“I wanted to see if it was possible first.”
“It’s possible.”
“Great,” I dryly toss back. “Thanks.”
My son looks from Nax to the flyer to me. “Are you going to Italy, Dad?”
“Will, can we talk for a second?”
Nax takes the leash from my son. “Elliot and I will give the dogs a longer walk, right Elliot?”
“Why do we have to leave?”
“This is a big talk.”
“Big talk,” he repeats, following Nax out. “Will, if you need me, you can call.”
My son nods, “Thanks,” reminding me of my friends. He’s almost a teenager — a year to go — and it’s going to be too soon that he becomes a man. It’s times like this that remind me that he’s not just an extension of me, but his own person.
As the door shuts, I sit on my armchair.
“Dad, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong exactly. But I need to discuss something that’s uh…hard for me to talk about.”
He clasps his hands and sets them onto his lap. “Okay.”
“You know how much I miss your mom.”
Will frowns. “I miss her, too.”
“I’ll always miss her.”
“I hope not, Dad.”
My eyes narrow in surprise. “What do you mean you hope not?”
“I don’t think she’d want you to miss her forever.” Will says with an earnest look in the eyes he inherited from Leah. Reminding me so much of her he wisely says, “It’s too painful. I don’t think she’d want us in pain, do you? Mom never liked it when we hurt.”
A lump forms in my throat. “Your mom would never want you in pain, William.”
“Or you.”
A sharp breath fights back my tears. “I’ve got something to ask you, and it’s okay if you say no. The flyer, the trip to Italy — it’s a yoga retreat.”
“Yeah, I read it. But what’s a yoga retreat?”
Dragging my hair back I stare at the flyer, wondering if it’s okay to really want this. “It’s like a vacation. but with a lesson plan for relaxation.”
Will scrunches his nose. “That doesn’t sound fun.”
“I wouldn’t have thought so either.”
“Then why go?”
I struggle for how to say this, blinking at him. If he says no, I’ll accept that. It’s Will first. It has to be. I have a responsibility as a father to give him a foundation that will create the man he is meant to be. His mother was supposed to help balance that, but we didn’t get the fairy tale. Am I wrong to want one? To think maybe Tempest might be someone we could both love? “Will, I’ve been scared of asking you this. Your dad has been scared of a lot of things since your mom left us here alone. I know that’s been difficult for you to understand since I was never like that before. Losing her made me doubt everything. Made me forget the courage I used to have. I know you know this, but it’s important for me to say it aloud: I’ve been a wreck for a long time. Over-protective of you. No fun to be around. Closed off. Depressed. I’ve been afraid of losing you. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of life. People helped me through it and I’m starting to see light at the end of a very dark cave I’ve been living in. Nax came and stayed with us. Helped get me on track. Christina woke up my desire to help people again. But lately I’ve been waking up to something I didn’t know I wanted. Something I’m not sure I believe I should want.” Tears jump to my eyes and I bow my head. “It’s okay for a man to struggle as long as he gets to the other side.”
“You’ve been doing better, Dad.”
On a deep breath I smile, “Thank you. What I’m trying to say is, I’ve been thinking about dating someone.”
Will sits back on the couch in surprise. “Online dating?”
“No!” My swinging arm dispels that idea. “Not that. It’s Tempest who’s running that retreat, and I thought I’d fly over there and see if there’s something between us.” I lock eyes with my son, Leah staring back at me from him. “Would you hate me if I tried to love again?”
Will burst into tears and leaps off the couch, running into my arms. “I want you to be happy! I hate it when you’re sad.”
I rock him, tears falling onto his soft hair. “You like Tempest, right?” He nods into my chest. “You feel guilty for saying that?” He nods again, sniffling. “That’s okay if you do. I do, too. I knew your mom better than anyone. If she’s watching us, and I believe she is, there is no way she’d want us to be alone. Your mom always said that men need women to balance them out. Like with a lot of things, I’m starting to believe she was right.”
“Can I go to Italy with you?”
I look down into his wrecked face. “Not this time, buddy.”
“Why not?! I like Tempest!”
“Yeah, I noticed,” I smile, pushing shaggy bangs from his face. “But the problem is I’ve treated Tempest pretty poorly. I did that because I was attracted to her, and didn’t want to be. I was so good at fooling myself that she believes I hate her. So I have to go and win her over, if I can.”
“Can’t I help?”
Grimacing, I admit, “It’s possible she’s not as interested as I thought she was in me. It could be bad for her to have to say no to both of us. I
