As a side note, my daughter Barbara was an angel to stay with me in the hospital during the postoperative recovery. It was a wise precaution based on a story Richard Burton told me during a dinner party. The legendary hard-living actor described his time in a rehab clinic where he was sent to dry out from a period of heavy drinking. During the night he saw all these flashing lights, as if there were moving cars in the room with their headlights beaming at him. He glanced toward the window to see if the disturbance was possibly coming from outside, but no, that was not the case. He described the vision to his doctor the next morning, thinking that he must have experienced some hallucinations due to the delirium tremens (the DTs). Again, that was not the case. The sad and bizarre reality was that someone on the night staff had brought some friends into the room as if he were some kind of freak show attraction at the circus. What he thought were headlights were the beams of flashlights from the gawkers. Barbara made sure that no one would get any “celebrity points” at my expense.
The questions I receive during my shows, the letters and e-mails like that little girl who wanted me to pick her up at the crossroads, are moments of grace that I cherish. I hope that in some form or another your experience in reading this book will embody some of that same feeling. I’m a flawed human being like everyone else. I’m no guru and with all certainty my name will not be on any short list for sainthood.
My spirituality has expanded rather than diminished, going beyond the Catholicism of my youth and organized religion as a whole. What has emerged is more of a living faith that encompasses the great wisdom from all faiths. I have always been accepting of other people and their differences. My belief recognizes that everyone is trying to get to that glorious heaven that we all talk about and there are many ways to get there. I still love attending the Catholic mass from time to time. Much of what that upbringing taught me is deeply cherished: about the value of daily prayer, the recognition of the holy spirit each of us carries, and the quality of grace that is ours to share with each other. I also applaud the efforts in the Catholic Church to ease some of its more restrictive policies, but there remains much work to do on that front. The right of priests and nuns to marry if they choose, for women to become priests, and for people especially in poorer and overpopulated regions to avail themselves of birth control, among other critical issues, need to be addressed in a serious way.
I have learned a few shortcuts along this journey that have helped cut through a lot of the nonsense and needless pain and suffering we often inflict on ourselves and those around us. It is why I felt it was important to dredge up the past and chronicle not only my victories, but also so many of my missteps and misfortunes along the way. As the title of this book says, life is not a stage but a series of stages we grow through and learn from. I hope the experiences I’ve shared have provided convincing proof that all the setbacks and defeats have not deterred me from the path, but continue to teach me valuable lessons and embolden me to want to learn more. I hope that sharing this story will also be a source of encouragement to inspire you to keep moving forward.
I’m still working on my goal to keep working at least until I’m ninety years old. Betty White, look out! Maybe the sequel to this book will tell you how and if I make it.
One thing that erases any doubt in my mind that I’m still up for the challenge was my decision to appear on Dancing with the Stars at age seventy-six. I’ve had good endurance throughout my career, but the demands of preparation, rehearsal, and performance were intense. In the end, I was pleased that I was really able to push myself a lot farther than I thought I could.
I was sensitive about patronizing attitudes about aging, so I made it a point to tell both judges and fellow contestants that I was in this competition just like the rest of them. I didn’t want anybody going, “Oh, she did great for her age.” I’d rather they judged me on whether I worked hard and did my best to look good. It also didn’t hurt that my stamina was just as good as the others’. I never had to breathe hard at the end of the numbers. After the first week, my age was never mentioned again.
Don’t ask me why, but there was something about the show that compelled me to want to do it since it began. It made me realize that I am still awfully competitive. I wanted to do well and be out in front with the rest of them as long as I could. That edge was still there just as much as when I was a kid.
I have people stop me in public or write e-mails and letters on how I’ve inspired them by being on the show. One person wrote in, “I heard you say stand up straight and hold your stomach in and it’s changed my life.” It went back to my old teacher’s “rrrrribs up!” advice at the academy. It had also helped that I
