Or maybe not. She wasn't sure she was that strong. Oh God, she didn't know what to do. She didn't want him to feel pressured, and yet...
He did say...
Marilyn yanked the bucket and mop out of the pantry. If Eli didn't get home soon she would go crazy. But the floors would be clean. She intended to make herself so busy she wouldn't lose another second of time.
It still lacked an hour of school getting out when Eli powered the Harley up the steep hill to Marilyn's house at the top. He'd been back in Pittsburgh a while, planning out what to say, putting the moment off, until he realized things needed to be settled before the boys were brought into it.
He rode into the gravel drive, turned the engine off and looked up to see Marilyn crossing the soggy lawn toward him.
"I tried to catch you yesterday," she was saying. "Ran out here in my bare feet, but you didn't hear me."
Eli nodded, holding up his hand to end her flow of speech, keep her at a distance. She halted a few feet away, her red sweater a bright spot in the gray April afternoon. She was so beautiful, so soft and warm. It was killing him not to touch her, but that was what she wanted.
He gripped the handlebars of his bike, staying astride, hoping it would help him maintain control. "I got something-- Let me get this all out at once, okay?"
Marilyn's hands twisted together and she bit her lip, but she nodded.
"Okay, so." Eli took a deep breath and prayed he wouldn't forget his speech. "It's time I left, right? But Pete's already been in three schools this year and doesn't need to be starting a new one. And Steve's doing good in his school. I had a talk with him yesterday. I think he'll be okay, except he probably should talk to somebody--you know--professional.
"They should stay here, with you. They're both crazy about you. You're the kind of mom they need. The kind of mom they should've had all along. So I hope you'll think seriously about adopting them, Pete and Steve."
"Oh, Eli, no--" She started forward, but stopped again when he put up his hand.
"Hear me out, okay? I'm not saying I'm giving up my rights. Hell, I'll adopt Steve too, if you think I should. But if you're the one they'll be living with, I think you should be their mom officially. I--" He paused, looked down at his hands fidgeting with the gas cap, unable to watch her stricken face any longer. She was just worried about the boys.
"I'll go ahead and move down to the shop," he said, "until I figure out what I'm going to do about that. So, anyway--"
"Don't go."
His head jerked up and he looked at her. She'd moved closer when he wasn't looking, close enough he could stretch out his hand and touch her.
"Stay," she said. "Please?"
"Marilyn--" He couldn't take this. Especially when she bit the lip he wanted so desperately to kiss. "It's best I move on."
"Best for who? It's not best, Eli. Not for the boys. Not for me. I want you to stay. I missed you so much while you were gone. It felt like forever, and it was just one night. I can't--" She reached for him, pulled back before touching him, and it hurt bad. "You promised, Eli. You promised you'd stay as long as I want."
Marilyn put her hands over her mouth, eyes opening wide. "I didn't mean to say that. I can't do that to you, make you stay when you want to leave. But... Don't you want to stay?
He let his head fall back on his neck, hunting strength. "It's not about what I want, Marilyn."
"What is it about then?" She shook her head, waving her hands as if erasing her words. "Wait. No, before this goes any further, there's something you have to know."
The churning in his stomach got even more frantic. How much worse was this going to get? "What?"
"I'm not being fair to you. It's making me act crazy and you don't know why, and I'm such a coward, and I'm not going to be a coward any more, and you deserve to have all the facts before you many any decisions and--"
"Marilyn." He broke in, feeling the urge to smile though his heart was in a million ragged pieces. "You're babbling. You never babble. Relax."
"I--" She took a breath and huffed it out again. "You're right. I'm just so nervous."
"Nothing to be nervous about. It's just me."
She puffed out another breath of air. "Okay, then. So, here it is." Marilyn sucked her whole bottom lip into her mouth and let it out again. "The thing is, if you stay--or even if you don't change your mind and you go, you should know that..."
God, he loved her so much. Even now, when he hurt so bad. He reached up, touched her cheek, spoke gently. "What should I know, Marilyn?"
Her eyes held his. "I'm in love with you."
He jerked back as if scalded, shook his head, denying the insane possibility. "No. You can't be. My God, look how bad I screwed up your life. I got you--"
"Don't you dare say one word about what Flash did," she interrupted, eyes blazing lightning. "That was not your fault, and I will--I'll smack you if you try to say it is."
"I still ripped your family apart."
"Big deal. I don't care. I love you, Eli."
She didn't. She couldn't. Could she? Honestly?
"If you love me, then marry me. Right now. Get on the back of this motorcycle and we'll go downtown and get married."
The words came out of his mouth without him knowing he had
