I knocked on the door, waiting for it to open. When Eric answered, he looked at me funny.
“Since when do you knock?”
“Just thought I’d try something new.”
He rolled his eyes at me, irritated for some reason. That was never a good way to start. “So, I have to talk to you about something.”
“Yeah? What did you do this time?”
I scratched my jaw and tried to come up with the words.
You’ve been working for a black widow this whole time and I knew about it.
Lorelei is a murderer and you can’t work for her anymore.
Or worse….I slept with a murderer and I think I’m in love with her. What should I do?
“Earth to Andrew,” Eric said, waving his hand in front of my face. “What’s going on?”
“We should sit down for this,” I gestured to the kitchen table, the very same table we played poker at every week. Would I be invited back?
“Shit, this is bad.”
I nodded. “I’m not gonna lie. It’s really bad.”
“How bad? Did you kill someone?” I winced, catching him by surprise. “Oh shit. You killed someone. Who did you kill? Never mind, I don’t want to know.”
“I didn’t kill anyone.”
Eric started pacing the house, not listening to what I was saying. “Was it Jack? I know he’s been giving you bullshit tickets, but that’s no reason to commit murder.”
“I didn’t kill Jack,” I insisted.
“Corduroy? I mean, I would totally get that, but still…maybe not killing the sheriff’s deputy would be a good idea.”
“I didn’t kill anyone, and I wouldn’t kill Corduroy.”
“Seriously? Because I’m pretty sure we’ve all wanted to strangle him at some point. Don’t tell anyone I said that. Between your murder charge and Josh and Carly, I don’t need to be thrown in as an accomplice.”
“Christ, I didn’t kill anyone!”
He stopped pacing and stared at me. “Wait, you didn’t murder anyone?”
“No—”
“Then why the fuck did you say you did?”
“I didn’t say that! You just assumed I did.”
“Because you winced!”
“Oh, well, if that’s an admission of guilt, then lock me away now.”
He ran a shaky hand through his hair and blew out a breath. “Hell, that really shook me up. I think I almost had a heart attack. You can’t do shit like that to people.”
“I didn’t do anything to you,” I pointed out.
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes before blowing it out slowly. “Alright, so what’s the actual problem?”
“Lorelei is a murderer.”
He stared at me for a second and then shook his head. “You know, I just got done telling you not to fuck with people like that, and then you turn around and do it again.”
“I’m not fucking with you. She’s a black widow.”
He stared at me deadpan and said, “I’m assuming you’re not talking about a spider.”
I shook my head. “I wish I was…but then she wouldn’t have such a sexy body, or be really good in bed.”
“Please, let’s not compare sexy bodies with spiders. It’s disturbing.”
“You have no idea. I’m the one that’s slept with her. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been worried about being murdered in my sleep?”
He jerked his head up to look at me and narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean how long you’ve been worried? Exactly how long have you known about this?”
“Um…Well, time is a subjective thing—“
“Don’t you dare start talking like a human now to get out of the question,” he seethed.
“Maybe a few days—”
“Well, that’s not bad,” he cut in.
“Before I found out you were working for her.”
He swallowed hard and flopped down heavily in a chair. “You mean to tell me that the whole time I’ve been working there, you knew she was a murderer?”
“Knowing is—“
“Subjective. Yeah, I got that part.”
“Look, I didn’t know anything for sure. Her step-son came to me for a job. He wanted me to look into her because of her past.”
“And what is her past?”
“Well, there’s this kid from her home town that died at the age of eighteen of a heart attack. And then there was her fiancé…he died in a car crash.”
“And her husband,” he sighed. “Anyone else?”
“Well, her mom died of mysterious circumstances.”
“Christ, this is a goddamn nightmare. How the hell could you keep this to yourself? What if she went on a killing spree?”
“Well, I kind of feel like she already has. Have you seen all the times I’ve been injured around her?”
His eyes widened comically. “You think…”
I snorted. “Well, there was the wrench that came just centimeters from my head, and you remember the tub that almost crushed me. At first I thought it was just all a coincidence, I mean, after I freaked the fuck out.”
He thunked his head down on the table, shaking it from side to side. “I can’t believe this. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Well, I couldn’t exactly. I was investigating her.”
“You were fucking her,” he corrected.
“Right, well, it was part of the investigation,” I grumbled. “I was trying to get close to her.”
“Oh, you did that alright. What made you finally come clean?”
“I was at her house the other night and we were…doing stuff…”
He rolled his eyes at me. “This is what you have trouble telling me?”
“Anyway, she got a phone call and took it out in the hall and I thought that was kind of weird. I mean, if she didn’t know me, I could understand the whole privacy thing, but we’ve been together for a couple of weeks. Why would she hide a phone call from me? So, I listened at the door and I heard her say that she had killed three people.”
He was obviously shaken by this news. He kept running his hand over his face and shaking his head. His eyes would get wide and then he would take deep breaths. Yeah, he was trying not to freak out. His twitching eye gave him away though.
