“Enjoy the rest of your night, and congrats on your chapters. If you keep that up, you’ll have your book finished in no time,” she said before she closed the door and walked back to her family.
My fingers were already itching to get back to hitting the keys on my keyboard. Maybe if I was lucky, I could write another chapter before my food got here.
Taking one final look at my neighbors as Ryder ran through the water with Delilah on his shoulders, I let out a sigh.
Soon.
Soon I’d have something like that—minus the dad.
20
Remy
“You don’t look like a guy who passed his test,” Eric said as he sat on the stool beside me.
I shrugged and finished off my drink.
“How long are you going to mope about this girl? You’ve been back a month, and every time I see you, you look like someone kicked your puppy.”
“I guess when I stop thinking about her every second that I’m not working or studying. Now that I don’t have to study, I guess I’ll have more time on my hands to try and get over her.”
Eric let out a frustrated huff before he lifted two fingers in the air and then motioned down to my beer. A few moments later, the bartender set a beer down in front of each of us.
“From what you told me, which isn’t much I might add, you’re the one that broke up with her. There had to be a reason.” He took a sip of his beer and then placed both elbows on the sticky bar, not seeming to care what he was sticking to. “Why did you cut things off with this woman if you’re so hung up on her, huh? Did she cheat on you?”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I growled. “Stella did absolutely nothing wrong. It was all me. I was the stupid motherfucker.”
Turning on his stool, Eric squared his shoulders as he took me in. “Why the fuck did you cheat on her if you like her so damn much?”
“I didn’t cheat on her asshole. That’s not who I am.” Never in a thousand years would I cheat on Stella, not after what she told me her ex-husband had done.
“Then what did you do to fuck up so royally?”
Closing my eyes, I tried to center myself even though I knew it wouldn’t do much good. “I’m not good enough for her, plain and simple.”
“Why do you say that? Women seem to gravitate toward you wherever you go. You’ve got to have something they like.”
His words made me chuckle. It was obvious Eric didn’t usually have these types of conversations, so it was something he was trying with me.
“I have no problem getting women. That’s not the problem. I saw some things when I was deployed no person should ever have to see” Looking straight ahead, I told Eric the whole story.
Eric clapped a hand on my shoulder and gave me a tight smile. “You don’t have to keep talking if you don’t want to, man. I’ve heard nightmare stories from buddies who’ve been over there.”
I nodded that I heard him, but I kept going. “If it wasn’t for another guy in my unit, I probably wouldn’t be here right now. He saved me one day when my mind wasn’t on the mission. After not resisting, I decided to make some easy cash by working on yachts.”
Eric’s brows rose. “Yachts, really? What are you doing here then?”
“My life doesn’t feel right unless I’m helping people, and as much as working on boats helped me not think about my past, it wasn’t fulfilling. Anyway, one morning when I was alone, I was on Instagram checking to see if Stella had posted anything new and decided to see how Tyler, the guy who saved me, was doing. He posted as often as possible, and it helped keep me connected with the guys still over there. When I went to his account, I found out he’d died over there.” Picking up my beer, I slammed the whole thing and still wanted more. I signaled for the bartender to bring me another while I stared down at my empty beer bottle, running my fingertip around the edge of the lip. “The guilt of not being there for him the way he was for me was tough. I knew then my time on the boats was over after that season. I’d wanted to be a fireman before, but something was holding me back. After that day, I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to be out there helping people instead of hiding out in Spain.”
“Fuck, that’s tough, man. I had no idea.” His mouth turned down as he picked at the label on his bottle of beer. “So, what happened?”
“I had a nightmare while in bed with her and kind of freaked out. I knew I wasn’t as put together as I thought I was. Stella deserves so much more than me, so I broke it off before I ended up damaging her.”
“Don’t you think you should have given her the choice?” His face turned serious, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to like what he said or not. “I’m not saying I believe it, but maybe she’s the one to heal you.”
Eric was probably right. They all were. If I’d told Stella about my dream and what occurred while I was deployed, she probably would have understood why I needed some time to myself, but there was a constant nagging in the back of my head saying I might never be over the trauma of Damon’s death.
“What if I’m the one to fuck her up beyond all recognition?” I choked out, barely more than a whisper.
“Because that’s how you see yourself?” I gave him a one-shoulder shrug. “I didn’t know you before, but I do know you now, and you’re a great guy when you’re not moping around. You’re never going to be the man you were before
