Unable to sleep, I gather myself after lying in bed for hours and I dress for the day. I cannot do any chores at this hour, so once I’m dressed, I head down to the gardens.
I freeze at the sight of Cassia sitting on the bench that I had meant to occupy. “You’re Laurentia, come and sit,” she calls out without even looking at me.
Shuffling toward her, I sink down on the edge of the seat. “I’m to be married. My cousin has chosen for me. The first match fell through. I do not know the details, I wish that I did.”
“Do you not care for him?” I chance asking.
Cassia shrugs a shoulder, then turns to face me. “I do not know him well, but he is willing to live here with my family. Something that I think Tiberius demanded after the first match fell through. I should be grateful.”
I hum, unsure of what to say. I will never have the dilemma she finds herself in. I will never even have a husband. It should not bother me the way that it does, but I have fallen in love and I want a life with him.
“Are you scared?” I ask.
Cassia nods her head, licking her lips before her bright eyes meet mine. “I am scared, but I am also excited. I will be his bride in just a few days’ time. I should be embarrassed because a man didn’t want me, but I’m not.”
“Why?” I ask.
“It was not the fates of the gods, that man. This one is.”
“I am happy for you,” I say with a genuine smile.
“You know that Drucilla will grant your freedom, then you can be just as happy as I am.”
Pressing my lips together, I look down at my lap, unable to respond to her words. I will never be as happy as she is, because I will not have Marcellus. I have allowed myself to dream far too much and I am so angry, but at myself more than anyone else.
“Marcellus looks at you as if he would like to keep you,” Cassia whispers.
Lifting my head, I turn to look at her. “He probably will,” I confess. “Though I will not be able to keep him.”
“With your freedom, you can,” she urges.
I love how positive and naïve she is all at the same time. It is a wonderful trait to have, though I’m not sure how it will help her in the future with her marriage.
Hopefully, the empress will give her the truth of marriage before she dives in with her eyes closed. I don’t spoil anything for her, instead, I give her a smile before I excuse myself to go back to my room.
Chapter Three
ONE MONTH LATER
MARCELLUS
She has denied me for weeks. Her cubiculum door is usually locked or she is nowhere to be found. I have not seen her in far too long and my body yearns and aches to be inside of her. My mind nags to have a conversation with her, to hear her voice, to see her in more than just passing in a room full of people.
I need to be near her. I need to be alone with her. I want to be inside of her.
Seeing her in the hallway, I take the opportunity. Normally, I would not be so brazen in public, but it matters not if someone sees us. I cannot stand to be without her for another second longer.
She is walking toward the gardens. I hurry behind her, wrapping my hand around her mouth and my other arm around her waist before I spin her and pin her body against the wall with my own.
Her eyes widen, and I grin as I release her mouth. “I have missed you, why do you hide from me?” I ask on a murmur.
“I do not hide from you,” she breathes.
I hum, touching my mouth to hers. “You do.” Sliding my tongue inside of her mouth, I penetrate her, loving the way that she tastes. There is no better taste than that of Laurentia’s sweet mouth.
Reaching down, I wrap my fingers in her skirt and begin to pull it up. I almost have it completely up and my hips fitted between her legs when I feel her strong grip around my wrists and she pushes me away.
“No,” she whispers.
“No?” I ask, unused to the word.
She nods her head once. “I am a free woman, Marcellus. So, no.”
Releasing her, I take a step back, lifting my hand and running my fingers through my hair as I watch her. She has said no to me. This is a word that only Tiberius has the authority or balls to say to me.
“No,” I say, repeating the word to myself in disbelief.
Unable to speak, unsure of what to say. Anger pulses throughout my entire body and before I say and do something that I would forever regret, I simply turn and walk away from her.
LAURENTIA
There now. It is done.
There will be no more evading Marcellus. There will not be a need any longer to avoid him at all. He will never make his way into my room again. He will cease watching me from across the room and he will never grab me and kiss me in the hallways again.
He will act as though I do not exist, and everything will be better. Everything will be as it should be. I am free, but still very much a famulus to my empress, and I am fine with that. She is a wonderful employer. Marcellus will marry and create a family with a good Savonaian woman.
Everything will be just as it was always meant to be.
This will be good.
So good.
Then why do I feel so terrible? Why does my entire body ache? Why do I want to cry and lie in bed, unmoving? Why does
