She noticed the way Yvette eyed the place warily each time she came to the house. She would also perch herself awkwardly on the edge of the sofa as though it was contaminated. Then there were the discussions about mutual acquaintances and activities when Yvette would suddenly become uncomfortable once she remembered that Loretta wasn’t a part of that world anymore.
But the thing that had got to Loretta more than anything had been the way Yvette had patronised her. ‘It’s such a shame you had to come to an area like this. I really feel for you, Loretta. It can’t be much fun having to mix with these people.’ Then, before Loretta had had chance to respond, she had said, ‘Never mind, you’ll meet a nice man one day from the same background as you and remarry. Then you’ll be able to get out of this place.’
The fact was, now that they had come down in the world, they were no longer good enough for the likes of Yvette and her precious daughter Maisie, and today that had become startlingly apparent. Despite how upset she had been at Yvette’s comments, Loretta knew she had to make the best of the situation for the sake of her children. And sometimes, if you wanted to make your children feel good, you had to indulge in a few white lies, so she thought carefully before addressing her next comments to Amy.
‘When I was a little girl, I had a best friend too but then she went to live somewhere far away. I was upset at first but then I made lots of new friends and I got a best friend who I liked even better. You’ve already made lots of new friends at school, haven’t you?’
Amy stared up at her mother and nodded while Loretta took out a tissue and wiped away her tears. ‘So, you see, Amy, it might seem bad now, but it won’t always feel like that, I promise.’
‘Honest?’ asked Amy, her little lip trembling.
‘Honest,’ said Loretta, hoping she would somehow find a way to live up to her promise to improve their circumstances.
4
October 1993
Loretta was standing in the schoolyard waiting for the bell to ring so she could collect Amy. In her hand she was clutching a bag of groceries. She’d been shopping beforehand, taking care to arrive at school early enough that she wouldn’t keep Amy waiting but not so early that she would have to stand about in the yard for too long.
She always had mixed feelings about this part of her day. Amy was more settled now and as much as she enjoyed seeing her rushing out of school eager to tell her all about her day, it was the waiting that got to her. All of the other parents would stand about in groups chatting, but she just didn’t seem to fit in with any of their cliques. She knew she should heed her own advice to Amy and make new friends, but she found it difficult when the other parents all seemed so detached from her.
While she waited, Nathan dashed about the yard with the other toddlers. Loretta tried to keep an eye on him as he weaved in and out of the groups of parents that were dotted around. When the bell sounded and the yard became more crowded with children emerging from the building, she lost sight of Nathan.
Loretta panicked and rushed to where she had last seen him playing. Fortunately, she found him chatting away in toddler speak to another young child who was snuggled up close to his mother. Loretta took hold of Nathan’s hand, her movement more rash than she had intended as she was preoccupied with keeping an eye out for Amy too.
‘Come along, Nathan. Amy will be out any minute.’
Then, aware of the other child’s mother surveying her, Loretta smiled. ‘You can’t afford to take your eyes off them for a minute, can you?’ she said but the other woman didn’t return her smile. Instead she just nodded and turned back to her friends.
As Loretta walked away, she heard one of the group imitating her in an exaggerated posh voice. ‘Come along, Nathan. Did you hear her? Who the fuck does she think she is with her bloody Marks and Sparks shopping bag and her posh clothes?’
‘Yeah,’ agreed another parent. ‘She thinks her kids are too good for ours. Snobby cow!’
The words stung but Loretta tried to ignore them and focus instead on her children. ‘Look, here’s Amy now,’ she said to Nathan, feigning excitement despite the downbeat change of mood that had now taken over her.
Amy was clutching a picture she had done that day and was gushing about a birthday party she had been invited to. Loretta became enveloped by her daughter’s enthusiasm and for the next few hours she was fully occupied with the children.
After Loretta had taken them home, encouraged them to play with their toys while she made tea then bathed them and put them to bed, it was time for herself. She switched on the TV and tried to focus on the episode of The Bill that was being shown but she couldn’t concentrate. Now she was no longer busy with the children, the words of the other mums invaded her mind.
They were so hurtful! How could they judge her like that just because of how she spoke, what she wore and where she shopped for food? But Loretta realised that, sadly, they did. Prejudice didn’t just occur amongst the middle classes; it was rife among the working classes too. Her old world had abandoned her and the new one wouldn’t accept her. Loretta was stuck in the middle, in some kind of societal limbo where she no longer fitted into either group.
But maybe she could change. She thought
