‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you, lady,’ she said, and Amy noticed that her eyes were unfocused.
Her wording was formal and unfriendly, and Amy’s perpetual sense of guilt made her dread what her mother was about to say. She could feel the adrenalin pulsating around her body as anxiety took hold. Amy stared at her mother’s stern face, her eyes pleading for leniency while she waited for her mother to get to the point.
Then Loretta came out with it: ‘I know what you and Cliff have been up to.’
Her accusatory tone disturbed Amy and the blood rushed to her face as shame overwhelmed her. Inside she felt a nervous flutter in her stomach, her mouth went dry and she could sense the tears building in the backs of her eyes. She was finally encountering that moment of horror when all her humiliating secrets were laid bare like a festering wound with the dressing removed.
Amy was anxious about how her mother would react now that it was out in the open. Would she blame Amy, Cliff, or herself? But there was no apology nor a comforting embrace with her mother begging her for forgiveness, no bitterness against Cliff for robbing her daughter of her innocence, and no reproachful words against her. Instead, she said, casually, ‘I had an idea, y’know. I’d seen the way he looked at you, but I didn’t know for sure until he came out with it recently. I’m surprised you let him do it though. I thought you were a good girl.’
Amy stared at her mother, bewildered by her reaction. ‘But I am a good girl,’ she pleaded.
Her mother patted her drunkenly on the thigh.
‘Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me, love. I promise not to tell a soul.’ Then she paused to sniff. ‘We’ve all done things we’re not proud of and I’d be the first to admit it. But if you do things right by me then I’ll do things right by you.’
Amy refrained from heaving a sigh of relief. She somehow knew that there was more to come. Her mother sniffed again.
‘Course, it leaves us in a bit of a fix, y’know. Cliff was very generous with his money and now that he’s gone, I don’t know what we’re going to do.’
Amy shrugged, wondering where this was leading until her mother carried on. ‘I’ve got another friend who’s interested in you actually. He’s a lovely man and very well to do, and he’s asked after you a few times.’
Amy stared at her mother, horrified. ‘What, you mean…? No! No, I won’t do it.’
Loretta took hold of Amy by the wrist. ‘Look, love, it’s no different than you’re used to doing, y’know. Just think, we’ll be well off again. You’ll be able to have all those nice things like Cliff used to get you…’
The tears that had been building now filled Amy’s eyes. She couldn’t believe her mother’s betrayal. ‘No!’ she repeated. ‘It was horrible and I’m not doing it.’
Loretta’s tone of voice changed. ‘Do you think money grows on trees? Don’t you think I’ve had to do a lot of things I didn’t like over the years to keep you and your brother clothed and fed? Do you think I enjoyed it? Eh? Eh?’
By this time Amy was crying openly. ‘But, Mum, it was horrible!’ she repeated.
‘We all have to do horrible things, Amy. That’s life. I don’t think you’ve got any idea what it takes to keep a roof over our heads but it’s about time you learnt.’
Amy couldn’t take any more. She sprang up off the sofa and dashed from the room to the sound of her mother shouting after her. ‘You’ll do it, lady, unless you want us all to end up on the streets. Imagine how that would feel, knowing you could have prevented it.’
Then her mother stopped shouting and Amy dashed into her room where she sobbed helplessly into her pillow. She couldn’t believe what her mother was asking her to do but she was determined that this time she wouldn’t put up with it.
Amy hoped that her mother was just being unreasonable because she was drunk; she’d known for a long time how drink affected her mother’s judgement and how irrational she could be under the influence. Maybe tomorrow when she’d sobered up, she would realise what a terrible idea it had been.
43
January 2016
Sapphire was walking through Piccadilly Gardens on her way to the Rose and Crown for a swift drink before work when she thought she saw someone she knew except he now looked even thinner than she remembered. He was also accompanied by a girl she vaguely recognised. She was about to grab his attention when he spotted her too and she realised it was definitely him. There was no mistaking those piercing blue eyes, which were his only redeeming feature.
‘Skinner!’ she shouted, giving him a hug and trying to ignore the unwashed smell that emanated from him. ‘Is it really you?’
He pulled away from her and laughed. ‘Well it ain’t any other fucker.’
He turned to the girl who was with him. She had dark hair and well-defined features with full lips and a prominent nose. Sapphire realised where she knew her from; she had seen her on the beat. ‘This is Elena,’ he said. ‘She’s from Romania.’
‘Hi,’ said Sapphire, still laughing at Skinner’s previous comment.
Skinner had that way about him that always made you want to laugh. He had gained his nickname because of his skinny frame and, because he was so tall, the lack of flesh didn’t sit well on him. He hadn’t been blessed in the looks department either. His nose was huge and was exaggerated by his sunken cheeks, which also emphasised his sharp cheekbones. He was the nervous type, always cautious around strangers, but to those who knew him, his
