‘Mum, did you not hear what I said?’
‘What? Oh, sorry, love, I was miles away.’ Crystal sped up, trying to put the woman out of her mind. ‘What was it you were saying?’
But her thoughts weren’t on Candice; they were on the woman, because Crystal realised that she knew her. She’d changed a lot in the last year but the more Crystal thought about the slight frame and the blue eyes that were still full of kindness despite her dire situation, the more Crystal was certain that she had just passed her old friend Amber.
Guilt tore away at her just like on the last occasion when she’d walked past Amber without acknowledging her. It was clear from the state of her that she’d fallen on hard times and Crystal wondered if she could have prevented that by coming to her rescue a year ago.
She was shocked and upset to see her like that and she deliberated over whether to go back and at least give her some money to help her get by. But how could she? Not when she had Candice with her. What if Amber recognised her and started wanting to chat? How could she possibly explain to Candice where she knew her from?
Despite her resolve not to go back, Crystal felt besieged by guilt. It was obvious that Amber was desperately in need of help. It made her reflect on the lifestyle she herself used to lead and she knew that it could just as easily have been her who had ended up living on the streets.
They carried on to the shop, Candice still chatting away animatedly, and Crystal going through the motions. But she was no longer enjoying their day out. That reminder of the past had spoilt it, and she was experiencing an acute attack of conscience for abandoning her one-time friend.
She was glad when they had come off the street and sought refuge inside her shop. Perhaps Candice would find someone else to chat to so she could be left alone with her thoughts until she had worked through them and regained some normality. But everyone was busy, so Candice followed her through to the back office where they switched on the kettle and made themselves a brew.
Once they were seated around the large office desk, Candice turned to her mother. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing, love. I’m just tired from our shopping trip, that’s all.’
‘Are you sure, Mum? Only, I noticed the way you were looking at that homeless woman. We’ve seen her before, about a year ago but she didn’t look as bad then. She tried to talk to you and looked as though she knew you. Do you remember?’
Crystal was shocked at her daughter’s perception and found herself babbling. ‘No, I don’t. How could she possibly know me? Probably drunk or on drugs or summat.’
‘No, Mum. It isn’t that. You seemed upset when you saw her and looked as though you were going to stop. I think it’s because you recognised her. You know her too, don’t you?’
66
October 2016
Crystal didn’t know what to say but Candice did the talking for her.
‘It’s OK, Mum. I remember what things were like before you had the shops, when we lived in that scruffy house and you used to… well, you used to drink a lot and take drugs.’
Crystal felt her face flush with shame. ‘I… I’m sorry you had to go through that, love. I didn’t know you knew about the drugs.’
‘Course I did, I might have only been a kid but I’m not daft.’
Candice reached out and touched her mother’s hand and Crystal had to fight hard to hold back the tears. ‘I’m sorry for bringing it up but I don’t hold it against you. I’m proud of you, Mum, I really am. You must have been through some bad times and if you’d have carried on like that, I wouldn’t have had the great life I have now.
‘But you didn’t carry on; you turned things around, and that’s why I’ll always be proud of you no matter what you’ve done in the past. I know you’re a good person so whatever you did was because of your circumstances.’
Crystal was touched by her daughter’s speech and her eyes welled up. When had she become so grown up and astute? ‘I’m proud of you too,’ she said, her voice cracking.
‘Where do you know that homeless woman from, Mum?’
Crystal could feel her heart thudding in her chest. Her daughter might have been level-headed and forgiving but how would she react to the fact that her mother had been a prostitute? No, she couldn’t do it.
Candice picked up on her hesitation. ‘It’s OK, Mum. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want. But I know you’re a good person. You wanted to help that woman, didn’t you?’
Crystal nodded, afraid to speak in case her voice broke altogether.
‘Then we should do it, Mum. She needs our help.’
Crystal smiled at her. ‘Candice, I’m beyond proud of you, love.’
She leaned across and hugged her daughter, each of them holding the other tightly for precious moments. Then Candice stood up and pulled away. ‘Come on then. What are we waiting for?’
*
October 2016
A few minutes later they were approaching the spot where they had seen Amber earlier. Just the thought of finding her friend like that filled Crystal with emotion but she knew she had to be strong. She was going to help Amber, not to break down and blubber like a baby.
As they drew nearer Crystal could feel her heart hammering inside her chest. Although she wanted to see her friend, she was nervous about what Amber might say. What if she revealed everything and Candice changed her mind regarding how she felt about her mother? Crystal glanced at the spot where Amber previously sat but saw that she was no longer there.
At first Crystal felt relieved; maybe she wouldn’t have to face this after all. But her relief was short-lived and was soon
