“What if it doesn’t trigger memories?” Sandra asked. “Then where will you go? Or even worse, what if it turns out you don’t want the memories you trigger?” She poured cups of coffee for everyone, adding plenty of sugar to Allison’s before handing it to her.
“I’d just head back towards the college since I know I came from there. Based on where I started and where I ended up, I traveled about one hundred miles. So, I’ll focus on the in-between on that stretch. I will just have to deal with the fresh memories the same way I do now. Take them as they come.” Allison blew on her coffee before taking a sip. “Thanks for the coffee.”
Sandra smiled and handed Dave his cup. She sat at the table in front of the pile of supplies Allison had gathered on it. She stared at it and drank her coffee in silence. From the woman’s stony silence, Allison knew Sandra was upset and didn’t want her to leave. She opened her mouth to speak to the older woman—and say what, she didn’t know. No words came, so she closed her mouth, continuing the unsettled silence.
Dave sat next to Allison and grabbed her hand, something he had never done before. The gesture startled her, and she stared over at him as he spoke.
“What will you do if this man and his family do not accept your apology? What will you do if they try to hurt you?” He looked at her with genuine fear in his eyes. His hand shook as he held hers. It broke her heart to know she was causing his fear.
“I will use the gun. Not to shoot them. I’ll just use it to scare them if I need to. To be able to leave safely.” Even as the words slipped from her mouth she knew they weren’t true. She didn’t intend to use the gun at all, but lying was the only way to bring Dave and Sandra some comfort. “I think I’ve already been violent enough for a lifetime, don’t you?” Allison squeezed Dave’s hand, trying to offer reassurance, but he didn’t let go and his hand continued to shake.
“I think you are underestimating the impact your visits will have on these people,” Sandra said in a flat tone. “You may cause more grief for people who have already experienced enough. Just head towards home. Find your family. Move on with your life and be happy.” Allison felt her cheeks flush, and her chest tightened with anger. She stood up with such force her chair slid a few feet back, making a horrid screech as it moved across the floor.
“Move on? You think I can just move on from this?” Allison’s entire body was quaking and that familiar rage was pushing its way up from the depths. She felt like her body was going to explode. “I can’t just move on. I can’t just pretend the last three years did not happen. I killed people!” Allison cried and pulled back as it burned when Sandra moved in to hold her. “I am a murderer, a monster, I am something from a nightmare. You don’t just move on from that!” In one fluid movement, Allison flipped the kitchen table onto its side, barely missing Dave. She stomped across the kitchen, stepping in puddles of coffee and broken mugs on her way to the door. She opened it with such force the hinges broke off from the frame and she stomped outside into the darkness.
Chapter Nine Allison
How could they say that? How could they think that? Allison’s body shook as she walked further and further into the darkness. She eventually found herself at the edge of the property, standing in front of the electric fence. She stared at it, daring herself to touch it, to feel the electricity flow through her body. She deserved to suffer like the people she hurt suffered. She deserved to die.
They didn’t understand. How could they? They had never killed anyone. Allison had. She had killed so many people it was impossible to really know how many or who. I don’t deserve to live when they are all dead. Allison touched her lips and the thought of their flesh and blood oozing from her own mouth brought her to her knees. She had not only killed them, but eaten them. She was a monster. She wanted to forget the feeling of being a monster and committing acts of abomination. She wanted to die. Allison threw the weight of her body forward, landing on the wires of the fence. Electrical jolts rocked her body into one giant spasm. The smell of burned flesh filled her nostrils as the buzzing of the fence echoed throughout the farm. She soon lost control of her muscles, then they jerked on their own, flailing her body around.
She fell backward away from the fence as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She screamed so loud her own ear drums pulsed with pain. Her scream silenced all the noises of the night. Not even a cricket chirped. Her muscles stopped jerking, and she felt the pain of the scorch marks on her skin. She clutched her chest, letting out scream after scream until her voice was too weak to even whisper. She forced her sore muscles to flip herself onto her back, and she looked up at the stars, the tears streaming down her face forming puddles next to her ears. The moonlight was so bright it shined a soft glow on the land, making everything look as if it was out of a fairytale. The entire world had changed, but the sky remained the same. Allison stared up at the stars while her hands dug into the ground, breaking off strands of grass and throwing them to the side. The whole process soothed her and
