Her assistant manager, Peter, had put some things together for her to review and they spent an hour going over that. She had a gazillion emails to go through, most of which were junk and outdated anyway, but she did that. While she was concentrating on work, she was fine. But when Peter left her office and she was alone, the panic started expanding inside her again, tight and frightening.
She closed her office door and spent another hour refocusing herself. She had to do this. She had to. She could not leave here humiliated once again. She didn’t know what her staff thought of her sitting in her office alone with the door closed for an hour, but she didn’t care, just did what she had to do to make it through the day.
And she did.
At five o’clock, when she looked at her watch, she sagged with relief. She’d done it.
That knowledge gave her a much-needed burst of adrenaline, and she was able to wish everyone a good evening while they closed up. She actually felt lighthearted as she drove home. She hadn’t missed the crazy commute on the freeway, but she survived that too, and when she walked into her apartment, her little sanctuary, she covered her mouth with her hands and cried with the relief of it.
She’d done it.
She was strong. She survived. She could do it. She could do anything.
An expansive lightness filled her, and she changed out of her suit and heels and into a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt. Maybe she’d get back into yoga again. That was good for stress relief. Or start working out at a gym. She’d always thought she should do that, she’d even bought a membership once but ended up working such long hours she never got there.
The buoyant feeling of freedom lasted until she started preparing her dinner. She’d bought some food, but she missed Maeve being there while she cooked, talking and drinking whiskey. Keara didn’t have any whiskey or she would have poured herself a little glass of it, just to celebrate.
And when she sat down to eat alone, desolation fell over her again like a thick blanket. She wasn’t even hungry. She looked at her food, pressed her lips together and sat there for a long while, aching and empty inside.
* * * * *
She called Maeve on Wednesday and it was so good to hear her voice.
“How did things go?” she asked her, settling herself onto her couch.
“Well…good, I suppose.”
“What happened?”
“He asked me a lot of questions—Jesus and Mary, a lot of questions—but he doesn’t think it’s Alzheimer’s.”
Keara’s breath burst out of her. “Oh, thank God! What did he say?”
“Well, I guess there are some things that are typical aging memory loss and other things that are more indicative of Alzheimer’s. The bad thing is they can’t do any tests that will show it at an early stage. So he can’t say for sure. But he seemed very positive and reassuring that it isn’t.”
“I’m so glad,” she breathed. This was good news. Maybe she’d feel better than she had the last few days knowing that Maeve was okay. She wouldn’t have to feel so guilty.
Although she knew deep inside it wasn’t just guilt that made her feel so spiritless and sluggish.
“He told me a few things I can try to help,” Maeve said. “I need to exercise my brain more. He told me to get one of those things…what’s it called? A Game Boy?”
“What!” Keara laughed. “Really?”
“There are games you can buy that work your brain, apparently. I told him I just need more sex.”
“Maeve!”
“Well, it’s true. Those sex hormones also help cognitive function. But Glen won’t take that Viagra and it’s putting a damper on our relationship.”
“Oh no. You’re not seeing him anymore?”
“We are. But if he’s not as interested in sex as I am, it’s not going to last long. Let’s be honest here.”
Her forthright, amazingly blunt tale made Keara smile and her heart soften. Damn, she missed her!
“Have you seen Shane?” she asked.
“Um. No.” Maeve’s voice changed tone. “He called me a little while ago, to find out when my doctor appointment was. He wanted to take me. When I told him it was today and I’d already gone, he sounded…upset.”
“Oh.” Keara wanted to know if they’d talked about her, but couldn’t bring herself to ask.
“He sounded a bit down,” Maeve continued. “I think you broke his heart, Keara.”
Keara’s own heart seized. “I did not.”
She was such a crybaby lately. She was supposed to be a tough, cool businesswoman, but thinking of Shane’s heart made her tear up again. Because she knew his heart wasn’t the only one affected.
Maeve sighed. “I don’t know what to do about you two. I thought maybe if you spent your last night with him, you’d realize your feelings for him, but I guess that didn’t work.”
“You planned that, didn’t you? Shane showing up that night and you taking off. You probably didn’t even have a date with Glen that night.”
Keara heard a muffled laugh. “Why would I make a date with Glen on your last night?”
“I knew it!” Keara shook her head, but smiled. “You are so bad.”
“Well, I thought it worked when you stayed out all night with him, but it was all for nothing, apparently.” Maeve paused. “How did things go at work?”
“Fine,” Keara said. Lying just a little. After the first shaky day, she was getting back into things, but so far had found little of the joy and excitement she used to get. “I’m getting caught up.”
After their chat, Keara hung up and the dense silence in her apartment closed in on her.
She felt sorry for herself. She needed to call her friends. So she did. First she called Essie.
“Keara! Are you back?”
“I’m back.” She leaned into the couch cushions and tucked her feet under her. “How are you? How’s that baby of yours?”
“Oh God, he’s growing like crazy.” Essie yacked on for twenty minutes about
