“Technically, you didn’t cheat on Grey, because you two weren’t even together. Please, stop crying, Ivy. You’ll only make things worse for yourself.” Trina put her arm around her gently.
“I couldn’t possibly make things any worse!”
“Look, you’re crying like the world has come to an end, and it hasn’t. It is just a baby. And I know that you say just a baby. How can an issue like that be just anything? But it is. You still have your job offer, your fiancé and your credits to graduate. Nothing has changed except your state of mind.”
“You wouldn’t be so clear headed if it had happened to you. Trust me.”
“Oh, but it has happened to me.” Trina looked away. “And I chose to have an abortion.” It was a secret that Trina had kept to herself for quite some time, but she felt now was the time to reveal her secret in order to help Ivy through a very difficult situation.
“What?” Ivy said following her out of the cramped space of the restroom. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Why tell someone you’re pregnant when you know that you won’t be for long. Anyway, it was the best decision that I could have ever made under the circumstances. You know that my family has never been as stable as yours. There was really no one to run home with my tail tucked to. That’s something that I am absolutely sure of.” There was little if any guilt in Trina’ eyes.
“It was Brooks’ baby?” The plot thickened and for a moment Ivy forgot about her own problems.
“No. He has no clue that I was even pregnant. I really had no other options, Ivy. Believe me.”
“Oh, Trina. I’m so sorry.” Ivy sat down on the bed intrigued by Trina’ story. “I mean, just the thought of an abortion makes me feel nauseous. I’m scared of needles.”
“Look, I know that it sounds selfish and silly to you, but for me it was the right thing to do. For you, there are surely other options.” Trina was disgusted with herself again as she rehashed old feelings.
Ivy’s thoughts wondered. “In Madison’s eyes, I am perfect. I made good grades; won almost everything that I’ve ever competed in and never have let my family down. Now, I’m going to wobble across the stage of opportunity with a bastard child and no future.”
“Don’t be silly. You have a future, but it will be what you make of it. And you have options to but they will be what you chose them to be. Besides, don’t be surprised if that little bastard doesn’t help you to put your life into perspective.”
“How could a child possibly put my life into perspective? My life was in perspective.” Ivy moved her hair behind her ear and continued in a strained voice. “I had set goals, and I was going after them. There is basically nothing left to say.”
“Well listen to what you just told me. For twenty-one years you have lived for other people and met other people’s expectations of you. Now you have to live for yourself and for that baby.” Trina’ words provoked an argument.
“I have not lived for other people. I have always lived for myself.” Ivy’s voice shrieked with defiance.
“Case in point, your mother was Miss Tennessee State when she was a junior in college, so last year you ran and won the title of Ms. Bryton-Ritz. Your father pledged to a fraternity so you pledged to his sister sorority. Your grandfather attended Bryton-Ritz, so you now attend. Your fiancé complimented a girl in a red convertible the first day of your freshman year, so you went out and bought a convertible. Your grandmother worked two jobs her senior year of college to bring in a dowry, if you will, to the marriage, and you now hold the same damned ambition. Have I said enough, yet?” Trina smiled at her now furious roommate.
“Oh, you’re way off,” Ivy said grabbing her books.
“No, I believe I’m right on point, which is why I just thought that you should know that this will be the first thing that you’ve ever done that was not expected or requested of you by another human being. You should be happy.” Trina smiled sarcastically and dodged the pillow Ivy threw at her.
Rolling her eyes, Ivy left the room. What did Trina know? How could she anyone see inside of her soul to tell whether or not she lived for other people? She opened the refrigerator door and stared blankly off into space. Grabbing of bowl of salad prepared the night before she slammed the door and plopped down on the couch. Trina’ words echoed in her mind. Turning on the television, Ivy let out a great sigh. She had been in charge of her life for years. Hadn’t she? She tapped her fingers on the side of the couch. Had she?
“Lived for other people my ass,” she said aloud as she flipped through the channels. She had come to Bryton-Ritz out of out of tradition. She had bought her car, because she loved the attention it got. So what she had pledged to please her daddy? It didn’t matter, she love her sisterhood now. She had gotten two jobs to…. She had run for Ms. Bryton-Ritz because… Shit. She hated when Trina was right.
Ivy was incensed. How could being pregnant be a positive in her life right now? She was a freaking statistic! She was a menace to a health society. Oh God! What if it was a boy? A woman could not raise a man! Her father had said it over and over a hundred times when she was growing up. What if it was girl? What if she had twins or triplets even? What if the baby was reta…she wouldn’t even think it.
Closing her eyes to push the thought out of her mind, Ivy pulled the blanket over her
