“That’s why I’ve come up with a plan.” She stared at her fingers.
“A plan? What are you going to do, get married and hope he doesn’t notice that his kid is half white?” Anger began to seep out of Nicola’s pores.
“No, I wouldn’t try to trick him like that.” Tears began to fall down Ivy’s cheeks. “I had planned to leave right after graduation. Go across country, get a job and start a new life.” Inside she knew that her plan was ridiculous before she could even get it out of her mouth, but she told him anyway.
He laughed at her. “Don’t be foolish. Running won’t save you or that child. You’re just going to have to tell him. If he loves you as much as you evidently love him, then he’ll forgive you for us, and you’ll still get married. ” Nicola only prayed that he was right, because he wasn’t ready to take on all of this right now.
“And what if he doesn’t forgive me? What if he rejects me completely?’ She wiped her eyes.
“Then fuck him,” Nicola said passing her his handkerchief. His buzz was officially dead.
“Thank you,” she said blowing her nose.
“I meant for you to wipe your eyes, but don’t mention it?” Sitting back down he sighed again. What a birthday.
“Why do you smell drunk?” she asked finally noticing his condition.
“Because I am. It’s my birthday.”
“Well, I guess that’s a reason, then,” Ivy said sarcastically. She didn’t feel sorry for him at all. “What about us? What about if it’s yours?” She had been waiting for that answer for over a nearly two months.
“Oh,” Nicola rubbed his fingers through his hair. “If it’s mine, I’ll help raise it. You’ll have child support and everything you require to help with him or her.” He sighed heavily. “I’ll be there.” His words were few.
“But you don’t’ want to…be there,” she looked across at him. She needed to know the truth before she went any further.
“No, Ivy. I don’t. I know that it sounds cruel, but it’s the truth. I don’t want either one of us to be this situation, but we are. And it is our fault that we are. So, now we deal with it.” He met her eyes accidentally and immediately looked down at the ground.
“You can’t even look at me,” Ivy said feeling the tears stream back down her cheeks.
“It’s not that. I just feel guilty. Hell, what man wouldn’t feel guilty? I was only with you once, and it’s very possible that I knocked you up.” He searched for a calmer tone in his hysteria. “I mean…got you pregnant. But most importantly, I’m worried about you. And to be honest, I do feel like you need to tell this guy of yours ASAP, or you may end up loosing him, too. I mean, I can’t even tell you how pissed I was, and I’m nobody in all of this.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t know how to tell him that I’ve done this.” Ivy stood up walked over sit beside Nicola.
“Just tell him,” Nicola said holding her hand. “Tell him everything, and let him make a decision. It’s not like you did this alone. And you two were broken up. Besides, it could very well be his. This could be a false alarm. You know?”
And there it was again. That twinkle in Nicola’s eye that made butterflies erupt in Ivy’s stomach. It was then that her compassion returned for him, and she began to feel guilty for the way that she had behaved earlier.
“I only said those things today to make it easier for you to leave me. I did want to call you after that night we spent together,” Ivy said changing the subject. She knew that it was important that he hear the truth.
“Then why didn’t you? Because, you know I called you. And I waited a long time to hear your voice. So, it doesn’t sit right now that I have to hear it like this. I have to see you out of obligation. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Nicola was shocked at her confession but relieved. Somehow hearing those words healed his wounded ego.
“I was afraid that if I called and you acted as if nothing had happened, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.” Ivy sighed heavily wiping tears.
“Huh.” He thought for a moment. He could see how that would hurt her. “What…what do you feel about that night?” Now was the time to ask.
“Well.” Ivy sat back on the couch. “I don’t regret it at all.” She looked over at him. “In fact, I’m thankful for what we shared. It’s very special to me, but at the same time, I feel like eventually after everything comes out, I will regret it. Mostly because I will probably end up losing Grey.”
“Ivy, I hope you don’t lose him. And if there is anything I can say or do for you to help you, I will.” He had lied to a lot of women, but she would never be one of them. He had made that up in his mind the first time that he kissed her.
“Thanks, but just knowing that you are prepared to be the father is more than enough.”
Hugging him tightly, Ivy let out a few more tears brought on by the extreme anxiety she felt. Nicola held her tightly and smelled the lilac in her hair. “Don’t worry. Everything is going to be okay.”
“Do you really believe that?” Ivy asked holding him just as tight.
“Yeah, baby. I do.”
“Thanks for your vote of confidence.” She looked up at him and smiled.
“Don’t mention it,” he said touching her chin. What an end to a day.
For Nicola, there was the reality of being on pens and
