“During the week, yes, unless there’s a big party or event on the weekend, like today. I have a place of my own, where my children and grandchildren come for dinner on Sundays.”
“I bet you’re an amazing grandma. What do your grandchildren call you?”
“Abuelita. Or Abu, for short.”
“I love Abu. It’s like the monkey in Aladdin. Can I call you that, too?”
She flashes me a smile that makes me blush. “I would love that, Adrian.”
“Cool.” I sip my tea again. “Hey, Abu. If you ever get sick of Reed—because, come on, there’s a lot to get sick of there—then will you come work for me? Don’t let anyone else hire you away from me, okay? Once you kick Reed to the curb, you’re mine.”
She flashes me a chastising look. “Don’t speak ill of my Reed, Adrian. I love him from the depths of my soul.”
“Yeah, but you have to know he’s a prickly motherfucker.”
“Adrian.”
I flash my most charming smile and by the look on her face, I know she can’t resist me.
“Where would I work for you, anyway? I’m a housekeeper, remember? And you just got finished telling me you don’t even have a house.”
“I’d buy one, so you could keep it for me, my beautiful Abu.”
“Oh, my. What an honor. But, like I said, I love Reed with all my heart. He’s like a son to me and I’ll never work for anyone else.”
“Aw, come on, dude. Never say never. Even if you love Reed, you never know what might happen in life. And I’ve got lots to offer you.”
“Like what?”
“Well, like I said, I have the maturity of an eighteen-year-old. What grandma could resist taking care of someone like that?”
She giggles. “You’re quite the salesman.”
“Also, I’m amazing at singing grandmas to sleep. Has Reed ever done that for you?”
“No, I can’t say he has.”
“Ha! Also, I’ll happily play gin rummy with you, or any other boring card game. And I’ll even suffer through watching Sing Your Heart Out with you, if that’s your jam.”
“No wonder Mimi adores you, with all that to offer. And no wonder Sing Your Heart Out hired you to replace Hugh. I can tell you’re quite the charmer, my dear.”
“Yeah, I can turn it on like a light switch when I want to impress someone.” I wink.
“Clearly. Do the powers that be at Sing Your Heart Out know they’ve hired a judge who has to ‘suffer through’ watching their show?”
“They sure do. It’s why they wanted me so badly. ‘Cause I’m too cool for school.”
“I see.”
“A little secret, Abu? Everyone wants what they can’t have.”
“Ah. Well, aren’t you smart.”
I tap my temple.
“Is your grandmother excited about you being on the show?”
“She’s ecstatic. It’s her all-time favorite show. She even watches reruns, for reasons that escape me.”
“I watch them, too. They’re on every night after Jeopardy.”
I laugh. “But why watch reruns of a singing competition, when you already know who won that season?”
“I like already knowing the outcome and seeing how my favorite contestants blossomed throughout the season. And in later seasons, I absolutely love watching Aloha being her sassy little self. She’s my all-time favorite judge.”
“You mean besides me.”
“You haven’t been on the show yet. Once you’ve appeared on the show, then, yes, you’ll become my new favorite.”
“Thanks, Abu. Unless, of course, my girlfriend edges me out. Something tells me Laila’s gonna give me a run for my money this season. She has a way of making people fall hard for her.”
Amalia puts down her mug, her face contorting with affection for me. “You two make a beautiful couple. In a way, you remind me of Reed and Georgina. You’re both so attractive together. Two obviously strong-willed individuals who seem so sweet together.”
“Well, I’m sweet. But make no mistake about it: Laila’s a holy terror.”
Amalia giggles.
“Lucky for me, I don’t like my girlfriends to be sweet.”
“No?”
“Well, I mean, I like ‘em sweet, down deep, as long as it takes a whole lot of effort to get to the sweet stuff. Like going on a treasure hunt or getting to the tootsie roll inside a Tootsie Pop.”
“That sounds like a lot of work to me, Adrian.”
“Nah. I like a good challenge or else I get bored. Ever seen the movie Mean Girls?”
“It doesn’t ring a bell.”
“It’s a comedy, set in high school. The lead girl is the ‘new girl’ in school. That’s the one we’re supposed to be rooting for. But I don’t even remember her name. The villain, on the other hand, that’s Regina George. She’s the leader of the popular girls known as The Plastics. We’re not supposed to like Regina. We’re supposed to hate her because she’s so ‘mean.’ But guess who I’ve always wanted to bang, Abu?”
“Adrian.”
“Have sex with.”
Her nostrils flare. She truly can’t resist me. “Regina?”
I nod. “Reginaaaaa. My biggest childhood crush.”
Amalia giggles. “Do you talk this way with Mimi?”
“Of course. She loves it. She says I’m a . . .” I scratch my head and mutter, “What does Mimi always call me? A hoe? No . . . a ‘rake’!”
Amalia loses it. She laughs and laughs, so I join her, enjoying my best laugh of the night. When we quiet down, we take long sips of our tea, now that it’s finally at a perfect temperature.
Amalia asks, “Why do you think you prefer the mean villain over the nice new girl?”
“I have no idea.”
“Hmm.” She sips her tea again, and her body language suggests she’s holding her tongue.
“Well, spit it out, woman. If I’m going to be completely myself around you, then you’ve got to return the favor.”
“I don’t want to overstep.”
“You couldn’t possibly. Come on. Spit some knowledge at me, Abu.”
She replaces her mug on the table. “Well . . . you said your grandmother raised you?”
I nod. “From age twelve.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, is that because your mother passed away, or because your mother needed to work long hours, or . . .?”
“It was because my mom didn’t give a shit about
