Meghan laughs so hard that a bit of milkshake comes out of her nose while I turn blue. “I can’t believe that you took off all of your clothes.” She chokes out a few words. “And she didn’t even think it was weird.” I’m afraid that this will be my friend’s last meal. She’ll either die from laughter or from me murdering her.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me what the ‘special’ was.” I can’t believe that Meghan ordered a Brazilian wax for me and didn’t even tell me. “I thought it was a massage!” I don’t have to explain that I had the shock of my life when the lady pulled the sheet up and lifted up one of my legs. When the warm, oozing wax started to drip over my nether regions, I realized what was going on.
“I thought it might pull you out of the funk you’ve been in,” Meghan explains. “Go have some fun with your spanking smooth vagina. Don’t take things too seriously.”
I stop and then chuckle. She’s right. Just because Fletcher is gone doesn’t mean my life is over. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I mean, especially now that I have a “spanking smooth vagina.” What is there to stop me? Meghan’s logic is so ridiculous that I have to laugh. I laugh so hard that I am gasping for air. Then the laughter turns into tears. Quietly, Meghan slips next to me and puts a comforting arm around my shaking shoulders.
“Why doesn’t he believe me?” I bawl into my friend’s shoulder. “Why does he hate me?”
It just hurts so much. I love him so much. I miss him so much. I miss the deep sound of his voice. His intense dark eyes. And the way his stern face transforms when he smiles.
Now I know that he’ll never want to see me again. I’m sure that he hates me, even though I did nothing wrong. It hurts me that he can just cut me out of his life without a shred of doubt. It’s like I don’t even mean anything to him.
I replay our last moments together in my head again and again. Trying to figure out exactly what went wrong. I tried to explain to him I don’t have any connection with my father, but he just refused to believe me. Then he pushed me and I fell. I know it was just an accident, but it triggered every fear I ever had about my father. Even as a child, I promised myself that I would never be with a man who would lift a finger against me. Maybe I shouldn’t have overreacted. Maybe I should have given him the benefit of the doubt and accepted that it was just an accident. That he didn’t mean to hurt me.
But how could I do that? He never gave me the benefit of the doubt. Even if I wanted to, he wouldn’t have given me the chance. He already said that he never wanted to see me again. Ever. Grief wells up in my chest like a never-ending spring. I didn’t know I had so much tears in me. I ball up sheets of cheap paper napkins and sob into them.
Meghan hugs me tightly and rocks me slowly, like a little kid. More tears come out as I remember how Fletcher held me in the boat. Then all the memories pour out. The first awkward meeting. How afraid of him I was. The first time he smiled at me and I could feel my heart melt. Our first kiss. A confused scramble in the darkness, but it just felt so right. Meeting his Uncle Pete and Aunt Beattie. Our first time. And every time after that. The moment when I realized that I loved him. I was overflowing with excitement at the realization. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him.
I don’t know how long I cried for, but Meghan just sat patiently with me.
“I didn’t want to tell you before, but remember that first night at his house when we met him? He had a naked girl in the bedroom.”
“What?”
“I didn’t want to tell you before, but I saw her through the window while you were moving the furniture. She was blond and looked like a lingerie model and wore even less than one. The man is a pig.”
I swallow a hard lump in my throat.
“I know that it may not feel like it right now,” she whispers as she pats my back gently. “It’ll be okay eventually.”
“How can you know that? I feel like my life is over.”
“Oh, you’ll be fine. Don’t be so dramatic.” Meghan rolls her eyes.
“Who died and made you a relationship guru?” I shoot back.
Then our eyes meet and we both laugh. It is good to cry, and it is good to laugh, too. It still hurts a lot. But I feel very lucky that I have a great friend like Meghan.
“If I ever see the bastard again. I’ll scratch his eyes out.” Meghan sucks on her milkshake. “You’re such a catch and I can’t believe he just walked out on you like that. Why would he do that?”
I lower my head. Both Meghan and Mom know Fletcher dumped me, but they don’t know exactly why.
I chew thoughtfully on my lower lip. “He found out something about me.”
“What? What did he find that was so bad?”
I answer in my small voice. “He found out about my dad.” I’ve never told anyone about my family since I moved here, not even Meghan knew the whole story. I’ve been so ashamed and so afraid of my father that I tried to pretend that he didn’t exist.
“My father ruined his business, and he thought I was in on it.”
“Really? No way. That’s
