She smiled again when I turned up at the class designated for patients aged eighty and over. I found myself a seat near the window, and I wondered if at any point we’d get to paint the stars. The lesson actually was on stars, or something else, I can’t really remember now because it has been replaced with my memory of Lenni. Into a room full of octogenarians she came, with a confidence beyond her years. She was fierce, thin, with that bright blonde hair of Nordic children. She had a face full of mischief and a pair of pink pyjamas.
She walked up to my table, introduced herself and then proceeded to change my life, immeasurably, for the better.
Margot’s Goodnight
IT’S SO UNFAIR, Lenni. That I got to get old and you didn’t. That I continue to be old and getting older when you aren’t even here at all.
If I could take my years and give them to you, I would.
Nobody could quite tell me how you’d managed to arrange your burial in the very same graveyard where my Davey sleeps.
I’ll miss your truth and I’ll miss your laugh, but it’s your magic I’ll miss most of all.
There are one hundred paintings lying in an art room because of you. One day soon they will go on display in a large white gallery in the city to raise money for the Rose Room. Perhaps I will visit alone, or perhaps we will visit together in spirit – to walk hand in hand among our hundred years.
My big operation will take place next Monday morning. When your lovely nurse came to my ward with Benni the beanbag pig, and told me you wanted me to have him in surgery so I wouldn’t be scared, I couldn’t help but cry. I thought you might want him down there in the cold earth with you to keep you company, but then I realized you’re not down there in the earth, you’re somewhere else now. Beautiful and painless and free. I promise I will take good care of him. I’ve been tapping his nose on mine to say hello while we get to know each other, and I will carry him with me until the end of my days.
I’ve packed a bag, Lenni. And I think you’d approve. It’s underneath my bed, waiting. I also have something else. It’s a piece of paper. Which doesn’t seem enough to constitute a boarding pass, but apparently it is. Father Arthur printed it off for me on his computer. If the surgery goes well, I’ll be catching a plane. To see Meena once more. To see if the ring she made me fits. To finally say ‘yes’.
If I don’t wake up, I’ll be boarding a plane to find you. Either would be the greatest adventure.
I see that you’ve written something on the very last page of this book, and so since you’ve left your last words I don’t want to leave any. I will simply bid you goodnight.
Lenni, wherever you are. Whatever wonderful world you find yourself in now. Wherever that fiery heart is, that quick wit, that disabling charm. Know that I love you. For the brief lifetime that we knew each other, I loved you like you were my very own daughter.
You found an old woman worthy of your immense friendship and for that I am forever in your debt.
So I have to say thank you.
Thank you, sweet Lenni. You made dying much more fun than it should be.
Lenni’s Last Page
WHEN PEOPLE SAY ‘terminal’, I think of the airport.
I’ve checked in now. Most definitely.
I still have my hand luggage but the bulk of it – the hold stuff – it’s gone now.
I will miss Margot with my whole heart, but she isn’t ready to leave the terminal. She still has things left to do. Buy a giant Toblerone, finish telling our story, live another hundred years, all of it.
It’s quiet here, and the sun is reflecting off the shiny floor so that the whole place is alive with light. I’m standing amongst the other passengers in the departure lounge, staring out of the great glass window at the plane, and thinking, That’s it? That’s the thing I’ve been afraid of this whole time?
And it’s okay.
It doesn’t look so big from close up.
Acknowledgements
Lenni came to visit me one night in January 2014. I was supposed to be working on an essay for my Master’s degree, but I was feeling distracted. So, like any good student, I immediately abandoned my work and started writing. And for the last seven years, Lenni and Margot’s world has been my home. I’m so excited to finally send their story out into the world.
The biggest yellow-rose-filled bouquet of thanks to my agent Sue Armstrong at C&W. From the moment Lenni and Margot landed in her inbox, she’s given me her support and her guidance. Lenni and Margot wouldn’t be where they are today without her. I’m also grateful to the incredible team at C&W – especially Alexander, Jake, Kate, Matilda and Meredith – for championing my book around the world with such energy and enthusiasm.
A huge thank-you to Jane Lawson, my editor at Transworld, who has shared her wisdom, humour and patience with me and who has supported me throughout the editing process. I knew Lenni and Margot were in the right hands the moment we met. And thank you to the whole team at Transworld for believing in Lenni and Margot and working so hard to share their story.
I’m grateful to all of my family who cheered me on,
