Catfishing on CatNet

and look at some pictures I took: a squirrel, a bird that’s blurry because it took off flying while I was still trying to focus, the dog that belonged to our next-door neighbor in Thief River Falls. I liked that dog. The neighbor had me give him some treats when we first moved in so he’d know I was a friend, and after that, the dog always acted like we were best buddies. Most of my pictures of the dog are blurry because he never held still, but this one’s pretty sharp except for his tail. I decide not to upload the picture. Looking at the dog makes me sad.

I wonder if Rachel would like CatNet. Would the admins let her count animal drawings as animal pictures? She draws really well. I open up the site and look to see which of the assistant administrators is online. Alice, the teenage girl admin, has a little green light by her name. “Hey, Alice, do you have a minute?” I type.

“Yes, I do, LBB,” she says. “What can I help you with?”

“I was wondering if I could have an invite for a friend.”

“Is this someone you know in person or online? What’s her name?”

“Her name is Rachel, and she’s in my art class at school. She draws really cool pictures. That was my other question—could she upload her drawings instead of photos of animals? Would that be okay?”

“It would depend on how good the drawings were,” Alice says. “How well do you know her?”

“Not all that well.” Not well at all, actually. “I’d like to get to know her better.”

“I tell you what—find out her last name and her email address, and I’ll see about sending her an invite.”

I feel a flush of uncertainty. I like Rachel. I want her to be on CatNet so I can stay friends with her after I move. But what if Rachel takes one look at CatNet and decides I’m a loser? It doesn’t matter, I tell myself. We’re leaving either way. Sooner or later.

“Okay,” I type.

“How’s the new town?” Alice asks.

“I guess I’d sum it up with, ‘They’re going to have a robot teach us sex ed because they don’t trust the human teachers not to go off-script.’ Rachel seems cool, though.”

“Good luck,” Alice says. “Talk to you again soon.”

3

Clowder

LittleBrownBat: So hey, I moved again.

Marvin: I don’t know why you can’t ever tell us where you are. I mean even if your dingo father’s on CatNet he’s not going to be in your Clowder.

LittleBrownBat: If I told you where I live and my mom found out, she’d make me stop using social media entirely.

Hermione: Hadn’t school started in your old town?

LittleBrownBat: It’s started in the new one, too. It’s OK. We’re reading The Scarlet Letter in English class, it’ll be great to find out what happens. Again.

Hermione: Oh, that is JUST NOT FAIR.

LittleBrownBat: RIGHT?

Boom Storm: What’s the weirdest thing so far?

LittleBrownBat: SEX ED TAUGHT BY A ROBOT.

That’ll start next week

Icosahedron: Why would they have a robot teach sex ed?

Because robots don’t get embarrassed?

Firestar: ooh ooh I know

Because they can make the robot say all the homophobic and transphobic stuff that a real human being might just refuse to say

AM I RIGHT?

LittleBrownBat: That’s basically what I’m expecting.

Marvin: btw my parents told me today we’re driving to California for Christmas again.

Since we live in North Carolina, this means I will once again spend almost all of winter vacation in the car.

Firestar: Why don’t you fly?

Marvin: Mom’s afraid of flying.

LittleBrownBat: How far of a drive is it?

CheshireCat: It is approximately 36 hours in total. But I assume you don’t do it all in one session. Right?

Marvin: They always say it’ll be three days and it’s always four.

Firestar: Wow

Hermione: Wow.

Marvin: If we had a self-driving car, we could take roads where it’s legal to let the car drive while you sleep and maybe it would be faster. Except we’d still have to stop to pee. And eat.

LittleBrownBat: How many times have you done this?

Marvin: Five. Last year I convinced them to stay home. But Mom’s sister lives out there and my aunt doesn’t like to fly either.

Hermione: You should meet in the middle!

Unfortunately it looks like that’s Oklahoma

Everyone loses if you go to Oklahoma.

Firestar: Have you even been to Oklahoma Hermione?

Marvin: Seriously she’s right. I’ve driven through Oklahoma five times and it is LAME.

Hermione: omg Marvin don’t say it’s LAME, that’s ableist.

Marvin: Sorry, I meant to say it’s gay. Totally gay.

Firestar: not funny

Marvin: Okay okay sorry.

Boom Storm: You could say it’s naff. Then you’ll sound British.

Marvin: How do you know that’s not ableist or homophobic or something else bad?

Hermione: I just looked it up and they don’t know exactly where “naff” came from, but maybe it came from Polari, which was this secret gay language used in Britain in the 19th century.

Firestar: Hold up. THERE IS A SECRET GAY LANGUAGE?

Hermione: Not anymore. It fell out of use in the 1960s.

Firestar: I WANT TO REVIVE IT. What does naff mean?

Marvin: It means lame

SORRY

It means, “This sucks, but not enough to bother saying it SUCKS.”

LittleBrownBat: Oklahoma is definitely naff. The parts I’ve lived in, anyway.

Firestar: What are some other Polari words or do we not know any because it’s lost?

Hermione: Corybungus means your butt. Fantabulosa means that something’s awesome.

Firestar: Okay let’s bring those back. Naff, Corybungus, and Fantabulosa.

Marvin: I’m reading through the list of words and I just got to naff.

In addition to meaning super unimpressive it means STRAIGHT. Like HETEROSEXUALLY STRAIGHT.

Firestar: BEST WORD EVER!

4

Steph

Walking to school the next day, I think about getting in trouble.

I had this run in sixth grade where I got in trouble at a bunch of schools in a row. In middle school, other kids start really noticing whatever it is that makes you weird, and there were all sorts of things that made me weird. I never had the right clothes. I never had the right hair. I raised my hand when I wasn’t supposed to and I didn’t raise my hand when I was