‘It was the deceit that got to me.’
Ash’s chest tightened. He’d been deceitful. He’d cheated. And he’d hated how bad he felt for it. ‘I won’t lie to you, Merle.’
‘I know. You value honesty.’ She glanced at him sombrely. ‘Someone lied to you.’
‘Yes.’ That was true. Yet he felt as if he was letting her down by not being completely honest now. ‘But I’ve lied too,’ he added. ‘I was just like that jerk. When I was that age I was awful.’
‘What did you do?’
‘I cheated.’
Her eyebrows lifted. ‘You were in a relationship at that age?’
It had hardly been a relationship. ‘She wanted more than what I could give her and I was a coward.’
Merle paled. ‘But you’ve learned your lesson?’
‘Oh, yes, I’ve never done it again. Never will.’
She nodded slowly.
Amazed, Ash stared at her. She’d just accepted his word? She was too forgiving of shabby treatment. Too generous. But his mistake couldn’t be forgiven by the one person who mattered most. It wasn’t Rose—his ‘girlfriend’—who’d suffered the most, though her humiliation had been total. It was his mother who he’d destroyed with his selfish carelessness. The truth he’d discovered then was that he was less. He didn’t have Merle’s depth of compassion. He didn’t have her ability to hold someone’s precious feelings—not their heart. He never had, never would. Because he was his father’s son.
Normally he didn’t think about it. He lived in the moment, lived by the rules he’d designed to keep everyone else safe. Because he’d learned who and what he truly was and he wasn’t hurting anyone else again. Merle would be okay. She knew this was only for these few days. He’d made sure she understood. But he couldn’t resist his own curiosity about her—couldn’t help wishing he could make things better for her.
‘So was that the guy you meant when you mentioned you’d said yes once?’ he asked. ‘That was secondary school, Merle. There must’ve been something since.’
‘No one’s asked again.’
‘Maybe because you hide and avoid any situation in which that might become possible,’ he suggested softly.
‘Maybe because I’ve been busy,’ she said defensively. ‘I was looking after my grandfather, I was studying...and struggling financially, so I worked as well. There hasn’t been the time for fun.’
She was right and he was an idiot for assuming she’d have had the time to be as frivolous as him.
‘There’s time now,’ he said.
‘Yes.’ She lifted her head. ‘There is now. With you.’
And she was embracing it. Except being here with him was still within her safe boundaries. This was her with him, but still hidden. He wanted her to have more. And yes, he wanted to have more too.
‘Let’s go out,’ he said suddenly. ‘Dinner and dancing.’
She looked startled. ‘You mean like a date?’
‘Yeah, why not?’ He smothered his smile as he saw her hesitation. He bet there was a pro and con list leaping into her mind.
‘You really struggle to do nothing and relax,’ she said.
He laughed. ‘You really struggle to be seen. And to have fun. You ought to go out.’
‘So I know what to do for next time?’ she asked.
A cold ball clenched in his stomach. ‘So I get the pleasure of doing it with you first,’ he said huskily. ‘I want more of your firsts.’
Her eyes widened. For a moment he’d rendered her speechless.
Then she swallowed. ‘What kind of dancing?’
‘Any kind you want.’
She sank a little lower in her seat. ‘I don’t understand the appeal, to be honest.’
‘Of going out dancing?’
‘I saw the patrons at the clubs mum performed at and they were just... I don’t know. Were they having a good time?’
‘Have you never gone dancing yourself?’
‘I haven’t been in a club since I was a kid.’
‘Your mother warned you off?’
‘Sometimes the guy lingering around the stage door thought the back-up singers might be available for other services if their offer was enticing enough. Then my grandmother was all, don’t make a mistake like your mother. Sex is bad and shameful and men are dangerous. You’re too young...’ She laughed bitterly. ‘What chance did I have, really?’ She tossed her head. ‘But I’m not too young now. I know they both had baggage. I don’t have to carry it for them. Sex can be fun and feel good and doesn’t need to be over-complicated or over-emotional, right?’
The problem was this didn’t feel all that uncomplicated to him. This was the most complex relationship he’d had with anyone—in years. And yet in some ways it was the easiest.
‘We’re definitely going on a date,’ he said.
‘We definitely don’t need to do that,’ she said, but then an alarmed look crossed her face. ‘Are you bored?’
‘Of course not.’
She didn’t relax. If anything, she looked more concerned. ‘I don’t want you doing this because—’
‘There’s a difference between pity and simply sharing an experience with someone,’ he interrupted her.
She narrowed her eyes. ‘You wanted quiet and solitude.’
‘I’m talking one night, Merle.’
‘Always it’s “one night” with you.’ She pulled a face. ‘But we’ve been on a date—when we went boating the other day.’
‘Not the same thing. We’ll fly to Auckland. Have dinner and stay the night. We’ll return early the next morning.’
She still didn’t say yes.
‘Have you ever dined at an award-winning restaurant?’ he cajoled. ‘One with a live band?’
‘As opposed to a dead one?’
‘Ha-ha.’
‘If it’s so amazing, how are you going to get a booking at such short notice?’
He just smiled at her.
‘Really?’ She folded her arms across her chest and raised her brows. ‘Money talks?’
‘Generally speaking, yes.’
‘Yet you couldn’t find alternative accommodation for me so easily the other night, for all your money.’
‘True,’ he acknowledged. ‘But you have to admit that’s ended up working in my favour.’
He was ridiculously pleased to see she still blushed.
But she tilted her chin. ‘Not even you can wear swimming shorts to dinner.’
‘I’ll have a suit delivered to the hotel.’
He suppressed his amusement at the stunned expression that flitted across her face. Then her expression
