“I never said that.”
“You don't have to.” I love the color of her face when it's red, the hue of her skin and the taste of it on my tongue. I love the way her hands press against me, the way they clutch at my shirt. I love the way her breath catches in her throat, the way she stares into my eyes.
“I… I’m not—I can’t.”
She's lying.
“You are in love with me,” I say. “I know you are.”
“You're not going to tell me the words?” I ask. “You're going to leave me here, not knowing, after all we’ve been through? I don't have to hear it. I know you. I know you so damn well, Nancy, and I know when you're lying to me. It's the last lie you have in you. You've given me the truth about everything…but this. Let it go…” I say, hovering over her, my mouth close. “Let yourself go. Let yourself love me. And let yourself know that I would die before I ever hurt you again…”
I'm close to her. Close enough to step an inch farther and cover her mouth with mine…
But I don't.
I wait. Wait for her to come to me.
Wait for her to release the last restraint she has—the last lie we have between us.
Her pink lips shake. “I don’t know how to find the right words to say.”
I shake my head, staring at her mouth, refusing to budge. “I don’t either. And I can't tell you the right words, either. You have to find that out on your own. But I do know the feeling. The feeling of tripping over the exact words you want to say…and to not know how to say it. I know what it's like to want to say the wrong thing, to say that you’re fucking terrified I will hurt you—make you vulnerable in a way you've never been before. I know how fast your heart races, how your chest tightens, how your stomach falls. I know how easy it is to let fear get in the way…to let hurt get in the way…to let everything else get in the way. So, I'm not going to tell you how to express how you feel. All I can tell you is how I express how I feel. And right now?” I inch even closer. “I'm not feeling fear. I'm feeling happy. I'm feeling at peace.” I lick my lips, finding the words falling out of my mouth, no longer needing to look for them. They flow out of me like water. “I’m not afraid of you anymore, Nancy,” I say, touching her cheek with my finger. “I'm not afraid of how you make me feel. How you make me feel is beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever felt in my life. I love you.”
Nancy doesn't move. She doesn't smile. The look on her face is fear, confusion, uncertainty. But most of all, it's pain.
And then it's gone.
She looks at me. “I love you too.”
A wave of relief surges through me. The words are out. They're really out. They're out and I might go mad if I don't tell her what I’m thinking.
“Now, which side of you is talking right now? Because I vaguely remember there being a few… Like the jealous one tonight. She’s fun.”
She giggles. “All of them. All the sides of me. The crazy one. The calm one. And the jealous one too. And they all mean it.” She stares at me, her eyes glowing. “I love you.”
I can't take any more of this. I want to scream.
I want to grab her and throw her on the pool table and kiss her savagely. I want to drag her out of here and fuck her brains out.
I want to worship her.
I want to show her what love feels like.
“Nancy,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. I swallow, not moving any closer. “Fuck, sweetness, this might be the worst timing in the world to say this…but I don’t think I can wait around. I need you so fucking much.” I step within a hair's breadth of her, breathing slow. “I need you so fucking much I can't breathe. And I need to know you need me the same.”
She nods, eyes on fire. “I need you the same way. I always need you, Andrew. Even now. Especially now.”
“I need you to know that I will never hurt you. I need you to know that I will never lie or keep a secret from you again. I need you to know that you're in every part of me, every side—every good one, every fucked-up one and all the versions in between.”
She looks up at me, her eyes hopeful and a little wet. “I love you.”
I suck in a breath. “I love you more.” I twist her around so she’s holding onto the pool table, facing front, her nails pressing into the sickly green fabric of the billiard table. I nip at her ear. “So, hold on, sweetness. This is going to be rough. I'm going to take you against this fucking table so fast you'll run out of breath. And then, when you can't take it anymore, I'm going to take you again and I'm going to show you just how much I love you. And I'm going to take every bit of pleasure I can from you. And give you every bit of pleasure from me. No more lies. No more secrets.”
She's breathing quickly. Tears drip down her cheeks.
“No more secrets.”
“We'll get through this,” I say, kissing the tears from her face. I grip her hips, helping her lift her dress from behind, the back of my hands brushing against her delectable ass. I press my fingers into her skin.
“We'll get through this, and I'll be here for you. We’ll be here for each other. No lies. No secrets. No holding back.” I move her hair. “And as Elvis Presley as my fucking witness, I’m going to
