And then one day, a man was waiting when they left the café.
‘Oh, Lawrence, I didn’t know you were coming into town.’ She turned to Judith. ‘This is my husband, Lawrence.’
Lawrence smiled tightly and took Deidra by the elbow.
‘I wasn’t going to, but you’re later than you said you’d be so I thought I’d pick you up on the way. Don’t want to keep the old boy waiting, do we?’
Deidra looked at her watch. ‘We’ve got plenty of time. This is Judith Strasser. We both support the sanctuary. Judith actually volunteers there, caring for the animals.’
Lawrence swung his gaze to Judith.
‘Just a day here and there.’ She felt herself blush under his appraising gaze.
He had grey eyes, a healthy glow to his skin – probably from time spent on the golf course. ‘How altruistic of you.’ He shook her hand.
Afterwards, Judith couldn’t stop thinking about Lawrence holding her hand just a moment longer than necessary. A strong hand. A firm grasp.
Two days later, she got a call, at home, late.
‘Judith, Lawrence Kelly here.’
‘Hello. Is everything all right? Nothing wrong with Deidra?’
‘No, nothing like that. I just wanted to apologise – I was rather short when we met the other day. Other things on my mind. How about I take you out for a drink to apologise for it?’
‘No need. Apology accepted.’ She kicked herself. That’s not what she meant at all.
Fortunately, there was a pause, and then, ‘I know a quiet little pub off the Northampton Road that boasts a number of very nice boutique gins. How about I pick you up tomorrow at seven?’
And that was how it began. Lawrence not taking no for an answer and Judith flattered that anyone, particularly a good-looking man like Lawrence, would want to take her out. At first she was troubled by the fact that he was married to her friend, but were they really that close? It hadn’t escaped Judith’s notice that Deidra had introduced her as someone who worked at the shelter, not as a friend. Judith knew Deidra was the type of person who had two tiers of friendship; those acquaintances she saw during the day and those friends who got invited to the dinner parties she hosted, or the weekend gatherings she was always talking about. There was now no doubt where Judith stood in Deidra’s system.
She sighed and headed down the stairs. Had a part of her always known Lawrence was using her, that she was one of his ‘serial affairs’ Deidra hinted at but seemed to have resigned herself to? No, Judith knew this was different. Not a sordid affair, although perhaps not love either. When they were together he was relaxed, entertaining, attentive. And even though the sex was average, he could give her what she wanted most in the world – a baby. She wanted a child to love and care for, who would love her back and make her feel needed. No one had ever needed her. Certainly no one had ever wanted her for very long. Not long enough for marriage and babies. She’d persuaded herself that if she got pregnant Lawrence would do the honourable thing – if not leave Deidra, at least be there when he could and support her and the baby financially.
All had gone well for a few months. They saw each other a couple of times a week, had dinner, sex, spoke a bit about his work, rarely hers.
Then last Friday he texted. Didn’t even come and talk to her face to face.
I’ve enjoyed our meetings but all good things must come to an end, don’t you think?
Judith stared at the text on the screen, mouth agape, all warmth seeping from her body.
Meetings? He’d enjoyed their meetings? What a cold-hearted prick. And to phrase it as a question, as if he actually cared about her thoughts on the matter. When she tried to call him his phone was turned off. His decision wasn’t open for discussion.
Judith had spent the weekend in bed with a bottle of Scotch and the Leonard Cohen mix she always played when life turned to shit.
He’d tired of her. No doubt moved on to a younger, prettier object for his urges.
Opening the garden door, she called for Gertie, making mewing noises. But even her blind old cat had left her. She hadn’t been home for days. Judith suspected she’d gone away somewhere quiet to die. A tear slid down her cheek.
Back in the kitchen she stared at the fridge. There was a magnet at eye level urging her not to worry, to be happy. She tore it off and threw it across the room. Then she sank into a chair, head in hands. She couldn’t be happy, not anymore. Lawrence was gone and had taken with him her last chance to be a mother. She was forty-three and wasn’t about to find another man to father her child any day soon. She had once thought about going it alone with IVF, but at the time she couldn’t afford either the treatment or long-term single parenthood. And now… now she’d sell her soul to get IVF, but it was too late. No, Lawrence, with all his faults, had been her last hope and now the bastard was gone.
She lifted her head. Out the window the first rays of the sun were visible in the cloudy sky. There was a heaviness in the air. No birds were pecking at the feeders she’d hung in the garden. The trees were still.
She jumped as a peal of thunder cracked overhead. Large raindrops started falling and soon she couldn’t see out for the sheets of water pouring down the glass. Lightning lit the room briefly followed almost immediately by another crash of thunder. The storm was right overhead but Judith felt strangely
