"Where?"
"To the top of Bogus Basin—that fire ridge you took me to that one day."
He remembered. They'd driven up there after Easter, watched the sunset over the valley before heading back down and going to her house to make love until the sun rose again the next day.
"I want to say a prayer for Wally and his family," Natalie continued. "Bogus is the closest place to God I know."
He nodded. Then he let her go. It got easier each time.
Bogus Basin was the local ski resort. The season had wound down, and the road to the top was no longer blanketed with snow at the lower elevations. It had been years since Natalie had skied.
She turned off on a rutted road and drove a few minutes up the hill. The terrain was mostly sagebrush that gave way to an area of pines and bushes. She angled her car in such a way that when she looked out over the dash, she saw a wedge of the Boise valley.
The air at this altitude was crisper, cleaner. Natalie rolled down the power window and dragged in a deep breath.
It smelled good. She'd forgotten how pure the air was.
Rebirth. New things.
The quiet whisper of the mountain settled over her, a peaceful and tranquil state that washed through Natalie. She knew, for the first time in weeks, a true calm.
Why, then, did silent tears belie her comfort?
Because she couldn't forget that the last time she was here, she'd been with Tony. They'd sat close to each other in the front seat of his silver truck, holding hands and watching as the day ended.
She closed her eyes and prayed for Wally and his family.
Prayed for Tony.
She loved him. When she thought it might have been him who'd been killed, she'd been frantic. Hearing his voice on the phone had been a relief like nothing else she'd ever heard in her life.
She cared so much about him. She'd wanted to be there for him and he'd told her no. He didn't want her to comfort him, to be close to him that night.
She shouldn't have been upset about his rejection. She only had herself to blame. It had finally happened. She'd gotten her way.
Natalie Goodwin was facing the future alone. Just the way she thought she wanted it.
And now she knew she'd made a horrible mistake.
Actually, the night of the fire, she knew she'd made a mistake but she hadn't been able to tell Tony. Now wasn't the right time, either, but if she didn't tell him how she felt right away, she feared she'd never get the chance.
She dialed his number on her cell phone.
Nothing. No service.
Frustration worked through the cords of her neck. She wanted him to meet her up here when he was done at the reception. How could she let him know?
She tried dialing again. Nothing.
Sometimes in McCall, she couldn't get service. But she could text message. She typed out a short message:
Drive up the mountain. I'll wait for you.
She pushed Send. It went through.
Anxiousness overcame her. She leaned back into the seat and put a CD into the player.
An hour went by, then another, until she lost all track of time. Natalie feared he wouldn't come, perhaps didn't want to. Then she saw the Dodge Ram pulling off the road and heading for her on the firebreak.
She got out of her car and met him by the side of his truck.
"Tony." She breathed his name, loved the sound of it in her ears. "I'm glad you came."
His brown eyes were dark, questioning. "What's the matter?"
"Everything."
He climbed out of the truck and rested his backside against the wheel well and folded his arms over his chest. He looked so handsome in his uniform and she held back from kissing him, from throwing herself into his arms.
"There are a hundred different things going on in my life, but there's only one thing to me that's really important," she said, her voice soft. "When I thought it was—" her breath hitched "—you who'd died…1 came apart. I didn't know what I'd do without you, Tony."
He said nothing and just let her talk.
"I can't give you up and I'm not going to. If you still want to be with me, I want to be with you. We can work through this together, but the most important thing for right now is that we are together."
Sunlight reflected in his eyes. She wished she could read his mind, know his thoughts.
"Tony?"
She worried he wasn't going to say anything, that he was no longer feeling the same things.
"I want to get married to you," he said, firm in his conviction. "And I want a family if that's the way it works out for us, but if it doesn't, then it'll be okay."
"Okay," she agreed, tears swimming in her eyes. His nearness made her senses spin yet she took great comfort having him so close. Elation overwhelmed her.
"Sometimes you make decisions you thought you'd never make for the love of that person." Tony was resolute in his words, strong in the way he expressed himself. "Because of the significance of the relationship, you do things you never thought you'd do."
She nodded.
Natalie gazed into Tony's face. She was so in love with him she felt it inside her soul. It was a physical ache, but with that ache also came a reservation. And it was dead center in the middle of her being.
Middle ground.
She'd learned it, knew how to embrace it now. But that didn't offset what she knew he wanted in his heart.
She had to tell him. "I don't think you should be denied those feelings of connecting with a child. You're wonderful. The best man I have ever met." She touched his cheek. "You're smart and kind, generous and loyal. You've shown me pieces of myself that I didn't know existed. I fell in love with you. I still am…"
His face was chiseled with emotion as he tilted her head up to look deeper into her eyes.
"So
