She had clear views on women, and the importance of them taking on leadership roles, in whatever manner or roles that they played. In her own family, she was the thought leader, the person everyone looked up to when there was a decision to be made. I think she was inspired by her own mother, your great grandmother, who raised me till the age of four. I still have faint memories of my time with her. I remember that she had a strong personality and that she called the shots in the family.
I see that sometimes in you. When you decided to put your career in law and microfinance on hold so that you could raise your children while your husband focused on his career in medicine, it reminded me a bit of my mother’s decision. But in your case, I’m sure we have not heard the last from you about the matter of your career. We know the efforts you have taken with your academics and we know one day all that will be put to good use.
There are other things that I picked up from my mother that you know are the foundations of the way we live our lives. One of the most important things she taught me is the value of saving for a rainy day and of living a simple life.
She was smart with money. During and after my engineering college, I would smoke cigarettes. She once asked me casually how much the cigarette cost and when I told her the price, she looked at me and said: ‘Do you know the principal sum a person would have to have in his bank to generate the interest that you are blowing away in smoke? For every box of cigarettes that you buy, somebody has to actually work hard to invest that money to get the paltry return that you are blowing away in smoke rings.’
My mother and I had this conversation during the time when annual salaries were less than Rs 10,000. So what she was saying was that if she saved Rs 3000, she would get an interest of Rs 300 and she was asking me to think about how much of that interest money I was smoking away.
That was the only conversation my mother and I had on the topic of my smoking. It amounted to simply this: what I was earning and how much of that I was sending up in smoke. That simple ‘ism’ stayed with me and for a very long time it was the single yardstick on which I took every spending decision.
You will remember the simplicity with which your mom and I raised you and your brother. You got only what we could afford and the rest, we explained to you, was something you would have to do without. I am glad to see you raising your children with the same values, even though, sometimes, I think you are much too firm and stern with them!
Another unwritten rule in the family, but one that was embedded deeply in all of us, was the importance of living honestly and without compromise on the values that we were brought up to believe in. My father’s career in politics never reached greater heights because he was incorruptible, too starkly honest to fit into the system. He opted out of the system that did not allow him to be the person he was and the ground rule at home always was honesty and the freedom to be forthright with our beliefs. That has been a guiding light in my personal and professional growth.
Your mom and I saw a streak of this, the ability to speak your mind without fear, when you were a teenager of just about 13 and we moved to Manila where I had taken up work. Do you remember the time, a few years later, when I decided to move to Indonesia on another project? We were taken aback and a bit shocked when you refused to accompany us. You insisted that you would finish your International Baccalaureate (IB) program in Manila since it was your final year and you said you preferred to stay with family friends and finish your course.
Even at sixteen you showed us not just that you had a mind of your own but that you had leadership qualities as well—you had, on your own initiative, found out everything about the way your course would be taught in Indonesia and told us it would be detrimental to your academic progress, if we insisted on taking you along.
That was just the beginning of your journey. While your mom and I came back to India after a few years, you decided to follow your interests which took you to the UK for a brief summer school at Oxford, and then to the US to explore your interests on your own. I think your fierce independence taught you a lot of life lessons that will not be forgotten and brought out your leadership skills too.
Your mom and I remember the time while you were the deputy at the women’s hostel at Smith College in the US and had to take a firm stand against the rampant partying and violation of rules that a few of the hostel inmates routinely indulged in. You were much worried about having to take a call on the issue. I remember the times you would call and discuss the issue with me but when you finally took action against the errant residents, it was
