Aditi (Aduben), my youngest, your father is convinced you are our brightest daughter, the one who will outperform her siblings, once you discover what it is that your heart desires. So you have to live up to our highest expectations!
While I am confident all of you are perfectly able to manage your lives on your own, there are things that I want to tell you anyways, things that I learnt from my own parents.
Someday, whenever you find your life partner, remember to go join his family as a happy agent who nurtures them and not as a divisive wife. Make his family yours in every way possible. My mother used to tell me before I got married to your father, that I was actually marrying my mother-in-law. Now that might seem funny to you but don’t forget that it is that lady who has made your future life partner the splendid person that you love, so gain her confidence first, make her your friend, and that is a surefire way to a happy life. My mom told me to accept the fact that there were people in your partner’s life before you came along and there will be no cause for whining and complaining after marriage. Don’t worry about the petty and the inconsequential, fight the big battles of life, not the small ones. Ignore them and they will cease to seem so important.
When your kids come along, don’t forget to teach them the values that your parents inculcated in you and it is my belief that they will be able to lead richer, more fulfilled lives from that.
It is also important for a woman to have a career of her own, something that fulfills her intellectual needs and keeps her independent financially. My philosophy about this is to build up your career and a dignified one at that, one step at a time, without faltering. There will be moments when things overwhelm you but stick to your chosen path. When you work, give it your all, don’t be lazy about it or take it for granted. There is no point in being casual.
Very often I tell you that nothing is worth losing your sleep over or falling from grace in your own eyes. Don’t, knowingly, take decisions that will affect your reputation, hurt your conscience, or prevent you from sleeping peacefully at night. Moral decisions that affect these three things are simply not worth it. A lie always gets caught and it looks bad when it does. There is no upside to a lie. If the truth had come out for the first time, it would not have been a great deal and I think that there is nothing that a ‘sorry’ cannot fix. Take the path of truth as much as possible and when you mess up, learn to say ‘sorry’ too. It helps. And when things seem to get out of control and you need a shoulder to rest your burden on, be secure in the knowledge that we are always there to take your side, comfort you and support you as you fight your battles. Again, remember: fight only the big battles not the small, inconsequential ones. Be strategic!
One of the things our parents taught us as kids is that wealth is transitory and that creating our own wealth is a better option than inheriting it. And as young adults, we always believed our parents should utilize their wealth the way they please because we would give it away anyways. God has always been very kind to us siblings: material wealth has always been there but we have grown up with a sense that there is only so much we can eat. I believe that the more we give away with a higher level of pain, the more we will get because God does not like to be in our debt. His will is to never be in our debt and so He will make sure you have plenty. If you have the faith enough to give away without the expectation of anything in return, you will never want anything in life. In my life this has been proven.
I firmly believe that beyond a point money should not be the main reason for things that we do in life. Not all of us can completely sacrifice our lives for the good of society but each of us can partake in many small acts that helps the community around us. What matters is to do what is in our capacity to do, gain the respect, love, and adoration of the people around us, and then leverage your reputation to help society in a larger, more meaningful way. Anjali, you have no idea how much it delights me when you already show signs of having a generous attitude at such a young age. Your work with NGOs, particularly the project where you tried to use solar lanterns that will eventually bring light to underprivileged families, filled me with pride. As we get older, working for a cause that is beyond and larger than our own livelihood concerns should be a significant part of our lives.
In a way, Papa and I are confident the value system that we have inculcated has already given you a firm footing and a healthy respect for what the community will expect from you. You all have come a long way from the time your father once pointed to the fridge at home and asked Aditi how much she thought it cost. Her answers ranged from Rs 50 to Rs 1 lakh. That was many years ago. Now we are confident each of you have a much better understanding of ground realities.
What I am about to say will sound surprising, but let me say it anyways. Nothing can substitute the power of bonding between all five of us as a family. I know I haven’t spent enough of that time. Very often, in our fast-paced lives, we overlook this simple truth
