“So, physically, you could see yourself being married to me? I mean, if I was a different guy with this body and this face, you could love me?”
Her cheeks were so red, he thought she might be in pain.
“I… That’s… Okay, yes, I mean, if you were someone else. But—”
“So, what’s he like? This other guy? This someone else you’re going to marry someday?”
“I… Honestly, I don’t think he exists. I don’t think there’s a guy I’m willing to give up all my independence for. I don’t really need a guy, anyway.”
“But if he did exist, what would he be like?”
“I don’t know. I don’t spend time thinking about it.” She frowned, pursing her lips. “I guess he’d be a partner. I don’t need someone to take care of me like a parent. And… He’d have some cool job, like, I don’t know… Maybe he’d be a fireman. Someone brave and adventurous who helps people. Not someone who spends his whole life working to make more money. And he’d be the sort of guy who only wanted to be with one woman for the rest of his life. I don’t want to constantly think I’m being compared with someone else—and probably coming up short.”
Josh was quiet for a moment, contemplating her words. “Thank you. At least I understand what you want, and how you see me.” He couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice.
“Josh, I’m sorry—”
“No, it’s okay. It’s my fault. You hit closer to home than you realize. That’s pretty much who I was, but not who I am, and not who intend to be.” He took a deep breath and blew it out through his lips. “But let me ask you one thing. You don’t think you could ever love a doctor? Not even an adventurous doctor who wanted to help people?”
Charlie felt her face flushing again. She had so little control around this man. It was one of the reasons he made her feel so uncomfortable. When he’d asked her the first question, she’d tried to come up with a description he couldn’t possibly fit. It probably wasn’t even true. She had no idea who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with or who she could ever be in love with. She only knew her attraction to Josh made her lose the ability to think logically. When she was with him she always lost the upper hand, and she needed that advantage to compete. What was she supposed to say to his question since he was making it specific? What was a safe thing to say?
She was distressed to find tears flooding her eyes. What on earth was wrong with her? She blinked furiously, but a few escaped onto her cheeks. “I don’t know,” she answered truthfully, pulling her hands away, attempting to escape before he noticed her tears.
“Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He pulled her back against him and wrapped his arms around her. The floodgates broke. She’d been working so hard to be independent and not accept any financial assistance from Steven. But her workload, along with classes and studying, had been overwhelming. And she’d felt so alone and isolated in Colorado with her family across the country in New York City, but she hadn’t wanted to admit it to anyone. She hated admitting she was wrong. She’d always hated it. She was so incredibly stressed, but refused to let anyone know. She didn’t want to burden her pregnant mom or her sister who was planning a wedding. Now, wrapped in the Josh’s arms, she realized how much she missed feeling cared for and comforted. The tears kept coming, even while she tried desperately to stop them.
He led her back to her chair and handed her a clean napkin. Then he knelt down in front of her, peering intently into her eyes as she sniffed. She noticed for the first time his green eyes had little flecks of blue in them.
“Charlie. I’m not going to do this to you anymore. I love you, and I want to be with you. But, I want you to be happy even more. I can’t stand that I made you cry. I’m really sorry. I won’t bother you any more. But, please... If you ever change your mind, please come find me.” Before she could react, he leaned in and brushed his lips lightly against hers. And he was gone.*****
Anne was enjoying playing mother-of-the-bride. She even had old friends from college who’d made the trip to come and see Emily get married. They’d laughed and talked about old times, and harassed her mercilessly about being pregnant.
“This is a pretty desperate move just to make your boobs bigger,” teased Alice.
“I think she did it to get out of exercising,” said Katherine.
Anne chuckled. “Really, I was sad because all my old stretch marks were fading, and I missed them.”
“So, where are they going on their honeymoon?” asked Debbie.
“They’re staying in the city until Monday, and then leaving for Switzerland for ten days. Steven’s wedding present.”
“Will they be back before the babies come?” asked Alice.
“I hope so. I’m due in four weeks, but I guess they could come early.”
“And you don’t know what the sexes are?”
“No. We wanted to be surprised. We’re only praying they’re healthy. But we’re trying to be mentally prepared in case they have health issues.”
Steven interrupted. “Emily’s going to throw the bouquet.”
Anne laughed as all the girls pretended to push and shove to get closer to the bride and catch the bouquet. Charlie had been dragged into the foray by Spencer’s sisters, but made an obvious show of not raising her hands. When Emily tossed the flowers, they tumbled through the air, almost knocking Charlie in the head. But when she ducked, they fell into Grace’s grasping fingers.
As the young men lined up to vie for Spencer’s garter, Anne noticed Josh had lost his animated smile. He’d been so excited to see Charlie again,
