“No. M-my mother died from it—stomach cancer. And now I have the symptoms. I didn’t want to tell you...”
“No! That’s not it. You have something else wrong with you. It’s not serious.” His brows creased, and his jaw flexed.
“But, my mom...”
“No! It isn’t cancer!” He blinked rapidly and rubbed at his eyes. “It isn’t—it can’t be. Not now, when I’ve only just found you. It can’t be that...” He kissed her all over her face, saying, “No, no, no, no...”
Anne sobbed even harder and grasped his neck in desperation. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to do this to you.”
“Stop. You didn’t do anything, and we don’t know anything. We’ll just do tests and see what the doctor says. It’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Anne knew the words he repeated to comfort her were his futile attempt to convince himself.*****
Anne and Steven sat beside each other in tense silence. Their hands were clasped between the two upholstered armchairs in the doctor’s office in front of the empty desk.
“But what exactly did she say on the phone? Did she sound upset?” Anne asked for probably the tenth time.
“She said she wanted to talk to us together in person. That’s all. And she didn’t sound upset... And you’re squeezing all the blood out of my fingers.”
“Sorry.” She forced a weak smile, attempting to pull her hand away.
“I’m only kidding. I don’t want you to worry so much. Everything’s going to be fine. No matter what, everything’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll face it together. And you’re assuming it’s something really bad.”
“But if it wasn’t serious, wouldn’t she tell us on the phone?”
“Not necessarily—“
A creak behind them announced the doctor’s entrance through the office door.
“I’m so sorry to keep you waiting. Thanks for coming in.” She shook their hands and sat behind her desk, opening her laptop. “Let me bring up your reports here... So.” She smiled at the nervous couple. “I know you’re worried about the possibility of cancer. And we haven’t totally eliminated that, but it’s highly unlikely.”
“Why haven’t we eliminated it?” Steven asked. “Can’t we do an x-ray or CT scan or something?”
“Well, we don’t like to use radiation during early pregnancy.” She smiled again.
“Pregnancy? I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. How could that happen?”
The doctor raised her eyebrows. “I think you know how it happens. Isn’t it possible?”
“Well it’s... It’s... I guess it’s possible. But I’m too old—I thought I was starting menopause.” She felt blood rushing to her face. “And I’ve lost weight, not gained weight—”
Steven came out of his stupor. “She’s pregnant? We’re pregnant? Are you sure?”
“Oh, it’s very certain you’re pregnant. We did a blood test. Now, at your age, this is a high-risk pregnancy. If you carry to term, you’d deliver at age forty-six.”
“What does that mean? Is it dangerous for her to be pregnant?” Steven was gripping her fingers so tightly her knuckles were white.
“No, but there’s a high chance of miscarriage or, barring that, chromosomal abnormality.” She leaned forward to emphasize her words. “You might choose to terminate the pregnancy.”
“No!” Steven almost shouted the word. She saw him flinch and turn toward her with a weak smile. “I mean, I’m sorry... I should have asked what you thought—“
“No, I agree.” She squeezed his hand. “That is, if it’s really true. If I really am pregnant, I wouldn’t want to terminate.”
“Oh, it’s really true. Now, we’ll need to help you manage this nausea so you can start eating...”*****
Anne stared with unseeing eyes out the limousine window as the New York City streets passed by, silence hanging heavy in the air. She glanced at Steven.
“What’re you thinking?”
“I think I’m in shock.” One corner of his mouth kicked upward, and he took her hand, raising it to his lips. “I wasn’t planning this, but now I want it to happen. A baby.”
“If I’d known you really wanted a baby, I’d never have married you. You should have a younger wife like I said all along.”
“You’re not going to start trying to find a different wife for me again, are you? I don’t think I could handle another of your crusades.” He chuckled, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “And anyway, I didn’t even want to have a baby until I thought I could have one with you.”
“Okay, I promise I won’t try to find you a new wife. Believe me, I’ve finally admitted to myself I never want you to be with anyone else. But can we keep it a secret for now? The doctor says I’ll most likely miscarry in the first trimester. I don’t want to tell everybody and then... You know…”
“No, we don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to. But you don’t even want to tell the girls? You’ll have to tell them something—Emily’s really worried.”
“No, I think I’d be embarrassed. And, I think they might be embarrassed, too.”
“They love you. They won’t be embarrassed.”
“I don’t know.”
“And you know you won’t be able to keep it a secret for long. Especially since the doc gave you medicine for the nausea.” He patted her thin tummy. “I can’t wait until you start getting all fat.”
“I’ll tell you right now if you ever call me fat, you’ll be sorry.”
“Okay. I promised to call you skinny the whole time, even if you look like a whale.” His adoring smile brought on another surge of tears. “What’s wrong now?”
“I don’t know...”
He scooped her into his lap. “This is just hormones making you weepy.”
“But... What happens if our baby has something wrong with him?”
“Him?” He smiled. “Do you think we’re having a boy? Maybe I might like a little girl.” He hugged her close, kissing her hair. “And we’ll love our baby no matter what. Right? And we can’t change anything by worrying about it.”
“But what if I have a miscarriage? The doctor said it would probably happen.” A single tear rolled down her
