He was now a foot away and angry. I tried my best to keep calm and control my breathing. There was so much I wanted to yell back. But I had to stop myself. I had to put more energy into controlling this situation.
“Right?” he continued. “It’s not what happened.”
I cried, not because I wanted to, but because I needed him to see and feel something other than anger. I couldn’t run to the door and to safety right now. That wasn’t an option. I had to play this game, and I wished to God things could have been different. I cried harder because I loved him. And I didn’t want to leave him, but I knew I would. This would be our last moment together.
“I just can’t do this, Brooks. I love you so much. Why? Why would I want a thing to do with the neighbor? You know me, Brooks. You know he’s not my type. You know my type. You know more about me than anyone.” Honestly, that wasn’t even a lie. He knew me better than anyone. Even though it had been years since we last talked or saw each other, we spent enough time together that he knew me.
He stared at me.
“You know me more than anyone. Nothing has changed. In all these years, I haven’t changed. I’ve grown, but you know there are parts of me I can’t change.”
I could tell he was hearing me when his expression changed.
“Please don’t leave me like this, please,” I begged him. “Don’t say goodbye like this. I lost you all these years, and it sucked. It was horrible, and I can’t go back to that. Now that you’re here, I can’t be without you again. How do I make you see that? How can I show you I want you? Forever.”
He nodded his head and just stared at me as I cried.
“Please, Brooks,” I begged him through my cries. “I can’t go through losing you again.”
He stepped forward and rested his hands on my shoulders, then pulled me close to him, holding me tight. I was still on edge but gave into his embrace and wrapped my arms around him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
What I needed to do to protect myself raced through my mind. I planned escape routes in my mind many nights as I lay here alone in bed. I just never thought I’d ever have to act them out. I tried to think of the best escape route.
“I just feel like I’m losing you. Maybe it’s just the thought of thinking of you with someone other than me that’s driving me over the edge. The stress is almost too much to bear. Seeing you again has put the fear of you leaving me right in the front and center. I just don’t know how to get past that. I’m scared it will come true.”
“I don’t want to leave you, Brooks. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to say goodbye to you, ever. We’re perfect together, and I know we can have the future we’ve always talked about.”
“Even after I’ve pissed you off and... well, everything I did this weekend?”
I laughed, hoping to ease the tension. “Brooks, there’s nothing you could ever do that would make me love you any less. Nothing. Well, maybe if you did something illegal, but you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. You.” I lifted my head from his chest, and he leaned down to kiss me. “You and Jaden and I can...”
He let go of me and walked towards the door before walking back and pacing the floor. “We won’t be able to have a life with the three of us. She...”
“I don’t care about her!” I interrupted him. “Brooks, I don’t care about her one bit. You have to understand she means nothing to me, and I won’t let her ruin...”
“She’s ruined it all!” he shouted as he walked out of my bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
I stood in shock, then ran to the window, flipped on the exterior red flood-light, and closed the curtains. I was thankful to the neighbor who had thought of these safety lights. Every switch turned on all the exterior safety lights on my entire property. It calmed me some knowing help would arrive as soon as someone spotted the lights on. Although with all the neighbors gone, I had only Easton and the other neighbor to rely on. I prayed Easton was looking out at my cabin. I didn’t care if he had ill intentions, I just needed someone else here with me—someone to help me get out of here.
Chapter Twelve
The feelings hit after two hours in the bedroom with Brooks. I knew in my mind that this would be the last time I’d ever see him again. And it hurt like hell, so I cried. He thought it was because I missed him and looking forward to all the years we’d be sharing.
It was the same secret—the silence. And again, only I knew what would happen. I felt horrible. I hated myself for everything.
I had to put my thoughts in their place and make myself understand that what was happening wasn’t my fault. Brooks was different. I wanted to believe he was the same man I fell in love with years ago, but he wasn’t that man.
His arms wrapped around me in bed and the way he held me close to him—his scent, his smile, laughter—I tried like hell to stay strong enough and not get pulled back in.
All the while we made love, I listened for Easton or someone to ring the bell or pound on the door. The red lights had been on for over two hours, and no one had noticed. No one had come to my rescue yet. It was like a pit in my stomach when I had to come to the grim reality I was on
