The feelings I dreaded swirled around me. A tear managed to escape down my cheek as I held my breath. I wanted to instantly run from the room and beg for him to please listen to me and believe me that I am Alaina! That I painted that very picture he was standing in front of. That I was the one who spent countless hours in front of each canvas to create these beautiful masterpieces that were displayed all over. I did all this! This is all mine! This is me! This is my work! My heart and my soul and...
“Oh, Kassie! I didn’t mean to make you tear up,” he said as he slowly pulled me off to the side. “I just meant that the little girl in the painting looks a lot like how I imagine you would have looked when you were a little girl. I mean, maybe it is you. Maybe Alaina painted... ”
I wiped away more tears that fell from my eyes and held my breath. Suddenly, I felt like it was a mistake to come here. What was I doing? Was I ready to confront my sister? Was I ready to see my husband? Was I ready to...
“I’ll just stop talking now, but I do think she’s my new favorite artist,” Jonah affirmed. “Your sister has talent.”
I hated how he refused to listen when I’ve tearfully told him the truth so many times. He seemed like the only one who was there for me, the only one who held my hand and spoke to me like I was a real person and not some patient with a comorbid bipolar and personality disorder. A disorder that wasn’t even diagnosed for me, but for her! But I couldn’t get him to listen to me. I couldn’t figure how to get him to actually hear what I’ve been trying to say from day one. I also couldn’t risk being admitted back into the hospital, or put on more meds in the hopes of suppressing memories she didn’t want me to recall. So I had to pretend to be her. I had to pretend that my or, more technically... her mental illness was under control. A disorder that I didn’t even have. It was literally driving me crazy trying to pretend I wasn’t crazy.
“Can I offer you two a complementary drink?” a server asked as she steadied a tray of drinks on her left hand.
“Thank you,” Jonah said as he grabbed two glasses of champagne from the tray and handed one to me. “Because this is a special occasion, I’ll let you have a drink.” He winked. “Between you and me. Off record.”
Little did he know just how special this occasion was about to be. I smiled and quickly looked away from the server. I could feel her studying me as I took the first sip of champagne. I quickly turned my back, took a few steps away from her, and stared at another painting. We kept to ourselves as we walked through the gallery, admiring the rest of the paintings. People were nice and greeted us, but I was not up for conversation. Besides, had someone really looked at me I would for sure be mistaken for her. It was a daring move on my part.
Guests were beginning to gather in the adjoining room, mingling towards their reserved seats in anticipation of Alaina’s speech. I kept my eyes open so as to not run into her or Corbin as we mingled amongst the other guests, each one praising the work of Alaina Shepherd. I was grateful the light in the gallery was dimmed way down, with lighting surrounding each painting. Everything seemed so surreal. It was like I was watching my own life from a distance. Like a slow motion dream, and I was invisible to everyone around me.
I began to question my own sanity for being here in the first place. I was increasingly nervous, knowing that at any moment someone could easily blurt out her—or rather, my—name, and want to talk. Worse yet, request a photo be taken and ruin the plans I had of confronting Kassie that evening. So I kept my hair covering the sides of my face as best I could. Jonah just brushed it off as my first step adjusting to being in public and didn’t really ask any questions.
“May I have your attention please?” a woman said into the microphone. The crowd began to quiet down as everyone turned to face the stage in the adjoining room. “I first want to thank you all for coming out this evening. It’s greatly appreciated. My name is Tamara and I am going to be the announcer this evening. I promise not to bore you all to death, as I’m sure my speech is not near as exciting as Mrs. Alaina Shepherd’s will be.”
The crowd laughed.
“So tonight we are here to support the amazing and breathtaking artwork of Alaina Shepherd, of course,” Tamara continued. The crowd began to clap. “I’d like to invite you all to grab some champagne and find your seats as we anticipate the arrival of Mrs. Alaina Shepherd on this very stage in just a few short minutes. Again, thank you all for coming, and I hope you are all enjoying her lovely artwork surrounding us here this evening.”
“You feeling okay?” Jonah asked as he looped his arm through mine. “You’re looking a little pale.”
“I feel fine,” I lied. Even I had a hard time trying to figure out just what it was I felt. It almost seemed like I was watching my own life disintegrate in slow motion. I was screaming, but silent. I was running, but standing still. I was pleading for everyone to hear the truth as I held back the tears, kept my eyes on the floor, and carefully sipped my champagne.
“You sure you’re up for staying here for Alaina’s speech?” Jonah whispered. “I can take you home if you’d like. You do look quite
